Would you rather eat a napkin or a heaping spoonful of mustard?

Not to keep talking about the weather, but, I’m going to.  🙂  The heat continues to get more extreme here in Arkansas.  Today is the 7th straight day of temperatures over 100, and it’s predicted for another 6 days.  The high today is 106, and on Wednesday it’s 108.  For those of you who live here, you know how bad this is and why.  This isn’t some “dry heat” like in Arizona — we have lots of humidity.  So when you step outside you start sweating almost instantly.

We’ve been upgrading the heat status here, going from “crazy-mad hot” to “stupid-hot”, and we’re trying to think up a term for these 106-108 degree days where the heat index is over 115.  We haven’t decided on the next term, although unofficially I’m saying it’s that-ain’t-right hot.  If anyone has any suggestions for what to call it, feel free to speak up.

I realize there are places with worse weather, but this past weekend I saw a map that showed Arkansas having the highest temperatures in the U.S. right now.  Why is that?  Why are we being picked on?  Who’s going to do something about it?

I wonder what my boss would do if I took my shirt off at work… I might get to work from home.  Or, he might say to go home and not bother working anymore… 🙂  But at least I wouldn’t have to go outside.

In the last post I discussed how it’s crazy-mad hot here, but it’s gotten even worse.  So we’ve upgraded the weather situation to stupid-hot.  The high is now over 100 degrees with massive amounts of humidity, pushing the heat index over 110.  We’ve also revisited yesterday’s plan to see if it was sufficient for these extreme circumstances.  We realized the distribution of ice cream sandwiches is catering more to people who work indoors, like in offices and cubicles.  However, some people work outside, and an ice cream sandwich will provide only a few minutes respite from the heat.  So we have improved our plan, in a big way.

The city should create a dome around our city, either inflatable or retractable so it can be removed in times of good weather.  This will be put up in the summer, to protect people from extreme heat temperatures.  But the benefits don’t stop there.  Instead of us going downtown to watch a movie on an inflatable screen, they can project movies on the dome, so everyone in town can watch it at once.  The audio can be tuned in via FM radio.  And the city could put on some massive lightning shows on the dome, where it would be safe to stand outside and watch.

The dome will have some vents at the top to let in some fresh air, to provide circulation for our biosphere.  And if a low-flying cloud gets sucked through, that’s just an added bonus.  So it could still rain inside the dome, when the vents are open.

How cool would this be?  I think someone should make it happen.  Oh, and I haven’t forgotten about the original idea.  It would take a while to inflate or close the roof, so in the meantime we can be served ice cream sandwiches.  🙂

Most people like to talk about the weather, or, at least they do so because they don’t know what else to say.  But today we have a special weather situation here in central Arkansas — it’s crazy-mad hot.  Not only is the basic temperature around 100 degrees Fahrenheit, but there’s lots of humidity and way too much direct sunshine, which is pushing the heat index up to about 110 degrees.  So when you go outside to walk to your vehicle, you get sweaty — from just a short walk.  You can feel the heat bearing down on you in an oppressive manner, and that just ain’t right!

Not only is this extreme heat wave oppressive and uncomfortable, it’s dangerous.  Even the weather forecasters talk about how dangerous it is.  Folks can get all dried out (dehydrated), which can lead to constipation or even death.  And nobody wants to die from these things.  So it’s time for some action.  The way I figure it, the large amount of taxes I pay is for living here in the United States.  So the government needs to do something to provide a safe living environment for me and others in this predicament.  But what do they do about this dangerous heat?  Nothing.  I realize that changing the weather is a bit tricky — there’s a whole lot of math and physics involved, too much for me to explain here and still have readers at the end of this post, so just take my word on it.  But even if our nation’s leading scientists aren’t equipped yet to control the weather, they can at least provide relief, like with ice cream sandwiches.  Yes, they are excellent for helping people cool off and relax.

So I propose that any time the heat index in a particular area goes above 95 degrees, FEMA or some similar such agency brings in truckloads of ice cream sandwiches.  And since it’s dangerous to be outside in this heat, they should deliver them to my desk.  Is this an absurd request?  Well, as I continue to think on it, no.  There’s only about two months of crazy-mad heat in my area of the country, and with the thousands I pay in taxes, that would buy a LOT of ice cream sandwiches.  And I will need only a few each day, like when I have to go to lunch and leave work.  (And some special considerations can be made for when I have to mow the yard.)  So write your state representatives in Congress, telling them you aren’t going to vote for them if they don’t supply ice cream sandwiches to those suffering from oppressive heat waves.

Okay, I reckon some of you will feel silly asking your state representatives to do this, so I have an alternate plan that will also work.  Write to the candidates running for Congress that you aren’t going to vote for anyway, so they’ll push for it, and then the eventual elected official will also jump on the bandwagon to get more votes.