Today is August 28, and it hasn’t rained here in Conway, AR, the whole month.  I’d call this a drought.  Yet certain neighboring states have been getting way too much rain this summer — such as Texas, Oklahoma, and Missouri.  They’ve been having problems with flooding.  And they’re just a few hundred miles away.  Why would they be getting so much more rain than normal?  Is it global warming?  Is it El Nino?  Some people want you to blame these crazy hypotheses.  But I’ve already given you the answer — obviously they’ve been getting our rain.  So the proper question is, why are they getting our rain?

This new proverb may go against conventional wisdom, because some people assume that you need to work more overtime to get more work accomplished.  But studies have shown that skipping breaks reduces productivity.  And there has been actual research that showed that taking an afternoon siesta (nap) increases productivity.  So this proves that you need to take time away from work to be more productive.  Now look at it this way — if you are becoming less productive because of skipping breaks, then you are accomplishing less per hour.  If you’re accomplishing less per hour, then you must work extra to make up for the difference.  So the more you work, the longer you have to work.  And the converse is true also — the less you work, the less you have to work, because you’re being more productive with your time.

Is it clear?  (Now who’s ready for a break?  Meet me in the lobby.)

The other night I was riding my bike, and it was more difficult than it used to be.  I was quickly getting tired and out of breath, and it just seemed like I was heavier than I should feel.  So naturally I wondered if gravity has been altered somewhat.  This seems to also affect me even getting up and walking, so it’s not just the bicycle.  It feels like I’m carrying an extra 50 pounds or so, but really, my weight is about average for the typical American male my age.  I wonder if this has something to do with the moon being broken.  The other day I was walking into work around 8:15 AM, and the full moon was shining brightly in the sky.  Everyone knows the moon is supposed to shine at night, so obviously it’s broken.  I suspect that’s why I feel heavier than I should be, because its gravity affects Earth.

Like I mentioned before, I’m gonna sue whoever owns the moon, but not just because the current situation is dangerous, but also because it makes me feel fat.  And that’s a big deal!  In addition to being a major inconvenience, it can also hinder my self-esteem and self-image.

Then again, this could be related to that conspiracy mentioned here recently about Earth’s second moon.  Somebody really should look into that…

We have an idea for a new sport — cross-country football.  It’s like American football in premise, but the field is 6 miles long and half a mile wide.  And you have more players per team.  Even if you get an opening in the defensive line, you need to have some serious endurance to score a touchdown.  For an individual player to excel at this version of football, you’d need to be an uber-athlete.  And you wouldn’t want too much of your defense to be 300-pound linemen, unless they’ve got some running speed and endurance.

It’s a weird idea, I know, and it’s way outside of the box, but think about it… then share your thoughts on this in the comments section.