Is the moon making you feel fat?

The other night I was riding my bike, and it was more difficult than it used to be.  I was quickly getting tired and out of breath, and it just seemed like I was heavier than I should feel.  So naturally I wondered if gravity has been altered somewhat.  This seems to also affect me even getting up and walking, so it’s not just the bicycle.  It feels like I’m carrying an extra 50 pounds or so, but really, my weight is about average for the typical American male my age.  I wonder if this has something to do with the moon being broken.  The other day I was walking into work around 8:15 AM, and the full moon was shining brightly in the sky.  Everyone knows the moon is supposed to shine at night, so obviously it’s broken.  I suspect that’s why I feel heavier than I should be, because its gravity affects Earth.

Like I mentioned before, I’m gonna sue whoever owns the moon, but not just because the current situation is dangerous, but also because it makes me feel fat.  And that’s a big deal!  In addition to being a major inconvenience, it can also hinder my self-esteem and self-image.

Then again, this could be related to that conspiracy mentioned here recently about Earth’s second moon.  Somebody really should look into that…

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