It’s been a while since we’ve opened the viewer mailbag, so let’s do this. First, we’re going to answer an actual message sent to us via our contact form, by Neil:
very cool are you selling or anything?
Well, Neil, currently this blog is not for sale. Though for enough money, we might consider it. (We’ll entertain any offer, regardless of size, so don’t be afraid to ask.) Also, we don’t currently sell any merchandise, although I’d like for that to change. If we can come up with a cool logo, we could get some T-shirts printed, for all our super-fans to buy and wear proudly. 🙂
Now we’ll look at some of the search terms that have brought people to this blog. These are actual search terms, not modified in any way. We’re going to give you answers for what you are searching for. 🙂
- how to tell a coworker they smell — There are a lot of possible methods for this, but if you want to be discreet and anonymous, you can write a note that says, “You smell like -> ” and put it next to a picture of poop. Or, if you’re really bold, you can even put some real poop there — that will make a bolder statement and will surely give them something to think about.
- buffet know-how — Are you looking for a tutorial on how to eat at restaurants with a buffet? Honestly, I never thought one was necessary. You just eat the food you like, in whatever quantities you want. The only strategy is to eat fast if you want to maximize food consumption. I suppose you could also consider which foods are more filling, but really, the purpose of a buffet is that you eat what you want.
- what men do in bathrooms dynomite — While there are certain scenarios where creating explosions using dynamite would be fun in a bathroom, most of them are quite dangerous and probably illegal. So usually there isn’t any dynamite being used — it just sounds like it. 🙂
- bad farts cause headache — My research does not support this hypothesis. Has anyone else done any research in this area?
- cholesterol in wendy’s bacon hamburger — Are you referring to the infamous Baconator? I know about it, because I ate one in the name of research. 🙂 If you want the nutritional information, you can get it easily enough. Wendy’s is required to give you this information if you ask, and it’s on their website, but first you need to ask yourself if you really want to know. I mean, you already know it’s not healthy — it’s a fast-food double cheeseburger with six strips of bacon on it. If you’re wanting to eat healthy, you should not even be tempting yourself with looking up this information.
- “ferment beans” — Why would you want to do that? Are you trying to make an alcoholic beverage that tastes like beans and has the associated side-effects? I don’t recommend it. Or do you want to make refried beans that make you “tankered up” (drunk)? Again, I don’t recommend this.
- i think your super — Y’know, I’m not surprised this search term found me. I’m super in more ways than you know. But to whoever did that search, you might should work on your grammar — it’s not cool to use words incorrectly (unless it’s on purpose).
- CRAYONS AND BLOOD PRESSURE — This seems random, but that’s what we specialize in here. 🙂 This phrase could be parsed a couple of different ways, so I will answer both. 1) Eating crayons probably doesn’t help your blood pressure, and it may make it worse because bad things might be going on inside your body while you digest and pass crayons. Just don’t eat them. The other alternative: 2) coloring with crayons can be relaxing, so that could help lower your blood pressure. I know, coloring is often looked at as a children’s pastime, but it can still be fun, even for adults. If you’re one of those thinking coloring is childish, YOU SHOULD QUIT BEING SO OLD! Try it…
With that last piece of advice, I will wrap up this week’s issue of viewer mail. (Ironically, this series isn’t published weekly, probably closer to monthly, but it could be done weekly because of all the visitors we have here. But there’s so much other cool stuff to write on, that this series sometimes get neglected. It’s like I just start typing and randomness overflows. You may wonder why I don’t publish multiple times per day, then. Well, I could, but I have stuff to do. That is, I have a life (plus another blog). If someone were to make donations, I could easily justify writing more. But I digress…)