beware of Kleenex disclaimer

I installed a new package of Kleenex at work today, and while removing the protective wrap from it, I noticed a disclaimer on the bottom of the box.  I know disclaimers are required on almost all products these days, so the companies can’t be sued if someone is too stupid to use the product properly.  But I was surprised by this particular disclaimer :

Directions for Use: It is a violation of Federal law to use this product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling.  Use only as a facial tissue.

So if you’re ever using the bathroom and you run out of toilet paper, it would be a violation of Federal law to use some Kleenex in place of toilet paper.  That’s crazy!

7 thoughts on “beware of Kleenex disclaimer

  1. Chester the Cheese Eater

    IT’S TRUE!!! using kleenex for any other purpose is illegal…

    here’s my story…
    ~~~begin dream sequence~~~
    it was just a typical day… laying around eating cheese and baked beans. when suddenly pressure caused by the gas in the beans began to build up in my bowels. now typically one could just break wind and relieve said pressure… however as I stated before I had been eating cheese… cheese has the tendancy to ‘block’ you up. so one finds oneself in a true “butt conundrum”… having had past experience with said issue and not wanting to soil a clean pair of drawers, I quickly headed to the restroom while tightly clenching my buttcheeks and walking like a bit like a toy wind up soldier… body stiff and rigid- leaving nothing chance. On finally arriving the restroom I quickly deposited myself upon the turlet and began recreating the bathroom scene from ‘dumb and dumber’ (you know the one where lloyd has been slipped some turbo-lax) once this ‘episode’ finally subsided I was feeling pretty good about myself as began to reach for the toilet paper… to my horror… the roll was EMPTY! what was I to do? I frantically searched to the left and then to the right of the bowl… but no surplus rolls were to be found. It was at that moment my keen eye caught site of the kleenex by the sink across the room. with pants around the ankle I waddled across the room to my objective. I grabbed the box and quickly returned to my seat and used them to complete my task. It was about the time the bathroom door came crashing down… and some guys in black began to repel down the sides of my house, that I saw the ‘warning label… but it was already too late. The deed was done. I was taken into custody and thrown into the slammer. I am currently awaiting trial and sentencing.
    I just hope they don’t find out I also cut that ‘do not remove’ label from my mattress too…

  2. Beppo

    The disclaimer goes way too far, I think. Why does it matter what I use it for? And if I use it for some other purpose, then wouldn’t Kleenex sell more?

    I can see the disclaimer saying what it’s designed for and that you’re on your own if you use it for other things, but why do they make it sound so bad if you use it for anything other than your face?

  3. Kri'

    Two words: unnecessary litigation. This has caused such ridiculous labels as “Caution! Contents you are about to consume are very hot!” on a cup of COFFEE!!


    So… I can see how Kimberly-Clark would be suckered into putting a crazy label such as this on their flagship Kleenex product… no telling what kind of lawsuit they were trying to avoid! 😉

  4. Thomas Wayne

    So it’s the Democrat’s fault we have all this political correctness crap? Hmm… I thought maybe it was the femi-nazi’s fault. This leads to a scary thought : what if someone is a Democrat and a femi-nazi? What will happen to our country if Hitlery Clinton gets elected? dun Dun DUN!

  5. Thomas Wayne

    Somebody gave me a Twinkee, and it was good. But then I decided to wipe my hands off, and I had no napkins, so I used a Kleenex. So is that against the law?

    *sing with me*
    Breaking the law…
    Breaking the law…

  6. Beppo

    I don’t think all Kleenex boxes have the same disclaimer, but this was on a box that has the germ-killing technology for stopping colds from spreading.

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