I was just talking with some of the Buffet o’ Blog staff today about how great it would be if we could invent a weather controlling device. That is, not just a device to help us forecast weather, but to prophesy what will happen. We would easily make billions of dollars, by delivering rain to farmers’ crops and drought-prone regions when they need it. We could prevent rain at weddings, so everyone who wants an outdoor wedding can have one. We could keep it from raining or snowing at important sporting events. We could make the summer temperatures bearable at major theme parks like Disney World or Six Flags Over Texas. The list could go on and on.
Since we would do so much good with this device, helping solve many world problems, we should get a government grant to pay for our research. These types of devices are very complicated. I would explain it to you, but there’s a lot of math involved.
Not only would this device be quite profitable for us, it would also be quite fun. Imagine creating a small rain cloud that follows someone around, like in the cartoons… That would be great! And picture a huge, puffy, white cumulus cloud falling on someone. The shadow would get bigger and bigger, and they’d run around but be unable to get out from under the shadow, and then they’d be enveloped in fluffy white cloudage.
Another useful technique we’d implement with this technology would be to keep politicians and TV news reporters in check. We had dreamed about being able to make a hand slap someone on TV when they say something stupid, but this would be even better. Every time a politician lies to us, and every time a TV anchorman spins the story to suit his bias while ignoring the facts, they would get zapped in the butt by a small bolt of lightning. People would be afraid to lie or say stupid things. This would be great for the upcoming presidential election! (We might find out where the candidates actually stand on the issues!)
So see, we have lots of great uses planned for this technology. However, our current jobs prohibit us from putting in the required amount of research and development, so we really need that government grant for a few million dollars, so we can devote ourselves to this project full-time. We just want to make the world a better place…
[Ed. note: This picture of lightning is one I took from my backyard in August 2006. Click for a larger image.]
Buffet o' Blog 
tpcomputerman
I don’t think it would work, I believe there is an international law the prohibits the use of weather as a weapon, I know I saw it on a TV show about weather a while ago.
Mango-Man
nah… I dont think it’s illegal (just very lucrative)… they were probably just jealous cause they couldn’t figure out how to do it. but they didn’t have access to the over-achievers in our R&D department.
Thomas Wayne
I haven’t heard of any law against controlling the weather. Perhaps these people are just scared because whoever learns to control the weather can rule the world. Nature cannot be stopped!
That said, if someone is going to rule the world through climate changes, I think the Buffet o’ Blog staff would be a good choice. They have some really good ideas (as evidenced in the post above).
And hopefully when they rule the world, they’ll remember me because I supported them in these “early years”. (Let it be noted that I never called this blog “obscure” like some people.) They could give me a position of leadership, because I’m cool like that. If you didn’t know, I’m a natural born leader — I have the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man. 🙂
D-Prime
I’m thinking that contorlling the weather may be a little too much to bite off. I think you should redirect your efforts to rodent mind control. Imagine being able to make rodents, in any part of the world, do exactly what you wanted them to do – on demand. Imagine the politician trying to lie with rats jumping on his/her face. I mean, on TV, that would be way worse for their image than Howard Dean’s scream.
Thomas Wayne
D-Prime, while your plan may be somewhat effective, I just don’t see why someone would want to be known as the man who ruled the world with mind-controlled rats. If this is your calling, then go for it, but I’d rather be known for something a little more exciting and intimidating… of course, that is, IF I were into this sort of thing…
Hmm… it might be cool to rule the world, if I got to do it MY way.
*begins daydreaming*
I’d have minions to handle the technical mumbo-jumbo and some power-dressed official spokesmen to handle the diplomacy required. I’d kick back in my secret lair, owning every video game system ever made, on a huge projection TV, with earth-shaking bass coming from the surround sound system. I’d host some crazy-cool parties, don’t ya know? It would be invitation-only, though — I’d have to keep out fruitcakes like that self-proclaimed “Important Evil Genius”; I mean, he wants to conquer the world with pickles or somethin’ — that’s even stupider than using rodents. Anyway, my secret lair would be the coolest place in the world to hang out.
I like this idea… now I just need a plan…