It’s time for another long-awaited installment of viewer mail! It’s been a while since the last one, although there’s been no shortage of searches finding this site.  And since we still don’t have a form setup for you to directly ask us questions (which reminds me, what is our webmaster up to these days… perhaps he’s a slacker), we’ll use actual search terms that brought people to this site.  From this we’ll try to provide more information on the topics that interest you most.  And if we come across any wise words of wisdom, we’ll include those, too.  Let us begin.

• exercise is bad for you — This goes against “convention wisdom”, but we’re not one to always follow the majority.  Besides, this could be a huge conspiracy.  So we did some research.  And it appears that you are onto something.  Studies show that the people who play sports and exercise on a regular basis are much more likely to get injured than those who sit on the couch or sit at their computer all day.  We posted a study on this a while back; go to Exercise Is Bad For You, New Study Shows.
• “quotes”, “the key to” — This is ambiguous, but via interpolation I’ll suppose you mean “the key to making quotes”.  And although anything said could be a quote, that would be boring, so I’ll suppose you mean a good quote.  Well, now that I’ve deciphered what you were really looking for, I’ll provide you with valuable insight.  You should say cool things.  (Sounds really simple, doesn’t it?  Well, it’s easier said than done.  Uhh, well, maybe that doesn’t apply here.)  These sayings can be funny, insightful, random, etc.  If you have trouble with this, you should try to take in more high-quality sayings.  For starters, keep reading this site — there’s lots of high-quality randomness here.  You should also spend time with people who are cooler than you are.  (And if you never say or think cool stuff, they shouldn’t be too hard to find.)
• teddy bear lasagne lasagna — I hope I can give you some advice on this before it’s too late… DO NOT TRY THIS!  You are not supposed to eat teddy bears!  They are not made of meat.  And the “stuffing” in them is not edible, either.  If you have teddy bears and want to eat them, give them to children in need.  And most definitely do not steal other people’s teddy bears — that would be wrong on so many levels.  If you were really going to make teddy bear lasagna, you should give up cooking altogether.  Go to restaurants instead.  They will prepare real food for you in exchange for money.  (I sure hope this was just an isolated patch of stupidity…)
• anal seepage side effect — Oh my goodness!  What is going on here?!?  (And how did that find this site?)  First of all, the side effect is that you crap your underwear.  Second of all, any leakage / seepage out of your butt is a bad thing!  If this is happening you need to see a doctor!  The only thing that should ever leak out of your butt is gas, but hopefully you can control that.  If anything physical comes out without your consent, there’s some serious problems.
• make a crazy golf course — Now this is a much more pleasant subject.  I am pleased to tell you that we have this covered.  We have an ongoing discussion about making golf less boring.  There’s been several good ideas on making a better golf course.  And if you have some more suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments section.

That’s all for today.  I hope you enjoyed today’s issue of viewer mail.  If this has helped you, please let us know, using the comments section.  Although, if you were going to eat teddy bears, you might not want anyone to know.  And if you have anal seepage, you definitely don’t want people to know.  So perhaps I won’t expect too many comments this time…