Category: Random

How can someone be a vegetarian?

I’ve heard there are some people who are vegetarians, meaning they don’t eat meat.  How can this be?  I’ve heard some propaganda that tried to convince me to become one, but it was stupid.  Can you imagine giving up steak for carrots?  Bacon for broccoli?  Ham for cauliflower?  Sausage for asparagus?  Chicken for celery?  No way!  Just the thought of that would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways, inconceivable.

When did this rigamarole get started?  Mankind has always eaten meat.  We’re supposed to eat meat.  Just the smell of someone putting burgers or steaks on a hot grill seems right.  That smell instantly makes me hungry for that.  And if I’m not the one grilling, it makes me kinda jealous…  You certainly don’t get that same effect if you grill some vegetables.  People would look at you funny, wondering if you know how to cook on a grill.

radishes

Mmm… look at those tasty radishes!  Wouldn’t you rather eat that than shrimp?  Ugh!  Maybe you’d rather give up lobster for artichoke.  Whatever…  I mean, look at the name of artichoke — does that sound like a food?  It sounds like something that might kill you!

Anyway, I could go on talking about how silly it is to be a vegetarian.  But I’ll tell you a real-life testimony of how crazy it is.  I had a friend who fell victim to that propaganda, and he tried it for a few weeks, then decided he didn’t need to wear deodorant anymore.  I became concerned for him, because obviously he was losing his mind.  He eventually came to his senses, fortunately.  We have to watch who we’re listening to.  There are even some celebrities who believe this nonsense.  For example, Pamela Anderson has been quoted as saying, “The best thing any of us can do to fight pollution is to adopt a vegetarian diet.”  What in the world?!?  Obviously she’s lost her mind, because that makes no sense whatsoever.

how to deal with your woman’s bad mood

I know that most of the regular readers here at Buffet o’ Blog are guys, and some of them are married, so those of you who fit that category know that sometimes your wife is in a bad mood.  It can happen for a number of reasons.  Maybe it’s that time of the month (PMS); maybe the house isn’t decorated enough yet; maybe her husband is lazy and slacks a lot; maybe her husband wasn’t enthusiastic enough about doing the chores (even if he agreed to help); etc.  There’s a lot of reasons this scenario could happen — too many to list here.  But you most likely know what I’m talking about.

So what should the man of the house do in this situation?  If you tell her she’s in a bad mood and why she shouldn’t be, that probably won’t help at all, and it may make matters considerably worse (so beware, because you don’t want her to have an “emotional meltdown” or “emotional explosion”).  Another option would be to ignore her attitude.  Men are naturally good at compartmentalizing things, so this is somewhat natural.  But your wife probably won’t like this response either.  You could try hugging her and listening to her, and sometimes this is the right thing to do, but if you’re the source of her frustration / anger, then that won’t help any.

So sometimes there is no good solution.  But you shouldn’t just ignore it, so men need some way to express their displeasure with the situation, so she’ll know that you do not approve of the environment at that time.  One possible solution would be to fart and belch as loudly and as often as possible.  She won’t like this, but perhaps she will begin to associate these things with her bad mood.  An association of that sort would make her want to avoid that situation, which is what you want.

This is really basic psychology principles here.  (My psychology teachers from school would be so proud!  I learned that sometimes you need to just rip a big fart to help motivate others to deal with their problems.)  If I may make a small disclaimer on this, I will say that I haven’t personally conducted experiments on this yet, but logically it should work.  Feel free to share your success stories in the comments section, so married couples may benefit of your testimony and make their marriages happier.  And then the world will become a better place…  🙂

Are plants contributing to global warming?

Plants play an important role in preventing global warming, because they absorb carbon dioxide (CO^2) and convert it into oxygen via .  Well, I’ve heard that global warming is on the rise because of too much carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.  So this obviously means that plants aren’t doing their job.  I mean, that’s the main task of plants, right?  I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to eat them (although animals do, which is important, I reckon), so their main purpose of existence is to convert carbon dioxide into oxygen.

flowersSince plants obviously aren’t fulfilling their basic life requirements, it’s time to take action.  I’m going to start suing greenhouses and plant outlets who are selling us defective plants and shrubberies and trees.  You may think this is crazy (and maybe it is), but hear me out.  Mother Nature has taken care of Earth for thousands of years.  Plants always did their job, and life continued on as it was designed to.  But in recent years, there have been stores that sold us plants, some of which were genetically mutated and stuff.  Obviously that’s why the plants are malfunctioning.

Someone has to hold these places accountable.  I should’ve seen this a long time ago.  The grass in the field behind my house grows just fine naturally, but when my yard was sodded for the first time, the grass didn’t grow well at all.  Why?  Because it was bought from a store.  And that’s not all — my wife got some flowers from the store and planted them, and they died not too long after that.  They were even watered extra beyond what the rain naturally sends, yet they died.  That’s just not acceptable.  That’s causing us to spend more money, and now I learned that the early death of these plants can contribute to global warming!  I shudder to consider how many people buy plants and shrubberies that die before their time, and now there’s too many greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.  What is this world coming to?

snow reduces global warming

I recently learned that snow plays an important part in regulating the global climate, and a shortage of it can contribute to global warming (because of the effect).  So obviously we need more snow.  Well, coincidentally, I’ve been wanting one of those snow-makers for a while, so perhaps it’s time to get one installed on my house.  That way I can just push a button (because it would have to be remote-controlled, of course!), and snow would start shooting out from the corners of my roof to cover the yard.  This would be awesome for parties, and I would use a specially-formulated mixture so it will have reduced melt-ability during the non-winter parts of the year.

And when it’s cold enough outside for snow, I wouldn’t have to wait on the weather to cooperate — I’d just create my own snow with a click of a button.  And with sub-freezing temperatures, it would last for a while, giving me time to build that snow castle I have big plans for, and of course my driveway would be so deeply covered that I couldn’t go in to work.  So this plan would be, in one word, awesome!

When the Buffet o’ Blog R&D department gets this finished, we’ll put it on the market for sale, so other people can enjoy snow any time of the year and help combat global warming.  We’ll help save the Earth, we’ll make lots of people happy, and we’ll make millions of dollars.  It’s a win-win scenario, for sure!