research shows pickles will kill you

We’ve discussed here before the fact that pickles are evil.  We’ve even offered proof, yet some of you stubbornly resist the facts.  Well, here’s further evidence, which I stumbled across recently.

An important scientific study was conducted around 1875, when pickles were starting to gain more acceptance in mainstream society.  Certain intellectual people knew this must be the work of the devil, trying to turn people into evil zombies.  So these smart important scientists conducted some research into the long-term effects of pickles.  There were 5011 people who ate pickles and had their life observed, to see what kind of effects the pickles had.  Much to everyone’s chagrin, all these people DIED!

So there you have it — conclusive proof that IF YOU EAT PICKLES, YOU WILL DIE! That’s just not something you want to mess around with!

Feel free to argue if you must, but facts are facts…

5 thoughts on “research shows pickles will kill you

  1. omawarisan

    Do you have any information on whether frying them destroys the pickles ability to kill? I know a place that makes great fried pickles, but they aren’t worth dying for.

  2. mangoman

    makes sense that everyone that participated in that reseach are all dead today… that research was done almost 135 years ago! 🙂 I dont’ think it was necessarily the pickles, but old age!

  3. Fab

    To omawarisan: Important Doctors and Scientists have concluded that bacon grease is a health food that is good for lubricating the arteries and lowering blood pressure and cholesterol, but the jury is still out on if frying battered pickles in bacon grease or any other oil would remove the harmful toxins that induce zombiism in 100% of those tested so far.

    To read about the bacon grease diet, click here and then read the thread of comments.

  4. omawarisan

    Dr. Important Doctor’s work is very impressive. I am just going to stay away from pickles and go completely on bacon grease based on what I’ve learned here.

    Thank you for your commitment to Public Health.

  5. Thomas Wayne

    I’ve tried the bacon-and-cheese diet, and it’s a good time. (Although there may be side-effects at times.) It’s definitely much better than anything involving pickles.

    The idea of frying pickles is a good attempt in theory, perhaps, but look at it this way — if you fry poop, it’s still gross. I think of pickles the same way.

    Frying pickles in bacon grease would probably impart some good flavor (to mix with the nastiness), but it might still turn you into a zombie. It’s just not worth the chance. Plus, WHY?!? There are so many better things to eat.

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