viewer mail, issue #8

It’s time for another installment of viewer mail.  As we did in the previous issues, we will take actual search terms that people found this site with, then we will provide advice, answers, or just more information concerning these topics.  (FYI, we are closer to having a form where you can submit your own questions, but our webmaster is just too busy with all his stuff to get it finished.  Hopefully soon, though.)  Let us get started.

  • dumb comments — Oh, is this the site for you!  We specialize in dumb comments here.  We’re like discount dumb comments warehouse.  But that’s not to imply that any of our readers are dumb — not at all.  Some of our readers are among the smartest you’ll find in these here parts.  Yet they are able to simulate dumbness.  (I call that artificial stupidity.)  However, a few readers here are, um, a few fries short of a Happy Meal.  But I’m not saying who.  🙂  Either way, if you want to read dumb comments, this is the place.  Have a look around. It’s a good time.
  • the secret is discovered — Hmm, are you wondering if “the secret” has been discovered or is this a message saying “the secret” has already been discovered?  If the latter, then you’re in big trouble!  Since it was a secret, obviously the multitudes are not supposed to know.  And if you’re talking about “the secret”, well, you better hope it’s not out!  I’ve heard there’s some bad consequences awaiting the one who lets the proverbial cat out of the bag before its due time.
  • incompetent cream — This is similar to “the clear” cream that some professional athletes take, except it’s the opposite.  I think it’s what most politicians take.  Since they don’t need steroids for athletic ability, they apply this incompetent cream, which does what you would expect.  🙂
  • sleep recovering from daylight savings — It’s widely known that people don’t like losing an hour of sleep due to Daylight Savings Time in the spring.  In a recent article we proposed a solution for this.
  • chuck norris vs the a-team — While Chuck Norris vs Mr. T would be a great fight, I doubt even he could take on the whole A-Team.  I’m not sure Chuck could beat Mr. T by himself, but adding Hannibal, Face, and Murdoch would be too much.  Nonetheless, I wish he could’ve been on the show one time as the bad guy, although I suspect that might be too much awesomeness for one show.
  • fart into phone conference call during — This came up during our discussion on the best way to get fired.  If you’re at a computer with speakers, there’s a lot of interesting sound effects that would liven up a boring conference call at work.  It’s best if you’re working from home that day, so no one knows who it is.
  • i want to know about salads — I can help you with this.  Fortunately for you, salads aren’t that complicated.  They usually consist of lettuce plus with some garden-variety vegetables, topped with a salad dressing such as Ranch or Thousand Island.  As you might have surmised already, this isn’t very exciting.  However, some places will allow you to create your own salads from a salad bar, and that’s a much better option.  The best place I’ve found for this is Riverfront Steakhouse, which has what might be the best steak in central Arkansas, along with the best salad bar I’ve ever seen.  It has all the normal stuff, plus shrimp and real bacon (which go really well together).  Anytime you can add some cooked dead animals to your salad, it’s going to be better.
  • don’t you hate when your boogers freeze — My personal research in this area has shown that it’s best to go inside before you get that cold.  (I imagine you’re referencing the quote by Calvin, which we included in part 3 of our quotes from cartoons series.)
  • how to make hot rod transformer costume — If you make one and wear it, all the guys will be amazed and the women will think you’re a nerd.  That said, you should still go for it.  Be yourself.  Don’t let women keep you from being who you want to be.  I’ve seen a few videos about making your own Transformers costume before, and I still have the links for them.  The first one is way cool, but you have to have help transforming : Hot Rod.  Here’s a generic one, where he changes from a robot to a car.  And here’s a video with a few that you will know, like Optimus Prime, Starscream, and a Constructicon.

That’s it for today.  Feel free to discuss these topics further in the comments section.

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