If you watch movies with any regularity, you have realized that some movies just aren’t that great. Well, let’s be honest, some movies siphon (that’s a nicer way of saying they suck). Perhaps it is inevitable. As the great philosophers Beavis & Butt-head once said, “You have to have stuff that sucks so you can tell the stuff that’s cool.” As crazy as it sounds, there’s some sense to that. If everything was at the same quality level, nothing would stand out as exceptional. But I think there are exceptions to that. For example, there are some things that are just always cool when done right in a movie, like explosions, car chases, incredible wrecks, massive destruction, tanks, powerful weapons (like rocket launchers, grenade launchers, flamethrowers, etc), Chuck Norris, Mr. T, etc.
What got me to thinking about this was a discussion that restarted at one of our popular posts: I want a tank to drive around town. A couple of movies were referenced that have tank chases in them. I’ve seen the one in Goldeneye (a James Bond movie), and I could watch it over and over because it’s so awesome. Thomas Wayne said this about tank chases:
Seems like more movie directors would find a way to work it in. I know, it may not seem to fit in all movies, but when you have full access to the script, you can make it fit! Well, perhaps not everyone has the creative prowess of yours truly, but the movie studios could submit it to Buffet o’ Blog and collectively we could make any movie awesome! 🙂
I have to agree — we could make any movie awesome. Just look at our free-for-all stories. So much creativity and humor and action — something for everyone. So I started wondering if it would indeed be possible to make any movie awesome by making a few modifications to the script. For instance, if a movie was getting too bogged down with depressing emotional scenes, just have someone pull out a flamethrower and add a few explosions, or have Mr. T come in and talk some sense to them, or have someone drive a tank through the room. 
(Or even better, have some crazy amalgamation of all that — Mr. T driving a tank into the room, jumping out, yelling at some stupid people, punching a few folks, then taking a flamethrower to the place, resulting in massive explosions!) Surely that would make the movie better! And of course it would add value to the movie, therefore viewers wouldn’t think they were getting ripped off by high ticket prices. So it becomes a win-win situation.
So the next time you’re watching a TV show or movie that starts getting boring and you can’t change the channel or leave, think about what could be done to make the movie better. Just imagine how one of these scenarios would improve the movie. And if you come up with some awesome ideas we haven’t mentioned yet, tell us about it in a comment to this post. Or add it to our current free-for-all story (the first story at the link above). Anyone can contribute to those, and the rules are simple. (And you can subscribe to just that post, so you’ll automatically receive the next chapter via e-mail. It’s a guaranteed good time!)
Buffet o' Blog 
Beppo
A good example of this is the Snickers commercials featuring Mr. T. They were often better than the TV show they interrupted!
Thomas Wayne
I remember the time I made Mango-Man watch the movie Duel (which was Steven Spielberg’s first movie). It’s full of car chases and suspense, yet it siphons. It just never takes it to the next level. That movie would greatly benefit from some spectacular wrecks and explosions and if someone in it would’ve had a flamethrower or a rocket launcher.
Crappo the Clown
What does my regularity have to do with how good a movie is?
Buck Elvis
Dude, this worked for me last night. I was being forced against my will to watch a chic flick with the wife and I imagined the lead male character (when the woman was crying) pulling out a grenade and saying, “You wanna cry, do ya’? I’ll give you something to cry about!” And blows up their house. Only thing, I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it to the wife as she was pretty mad that I, “Ruined,” the movie. If a movie sux that bad, it needed to be, “Ruined.”
Beppo
That’s awesome (that it worked for you during a chick flick). You made me laugh outloud at that one. Great application!
And you bring up a good point — if you’re watching a movie with a woman, you probably shouldn’t bring up your awesome imaginations. For some reason, women tend to enjoy (?) crying during movies. I don’t get it, and that’s a post for another day.
If you’re with other guys, you should bring it up, to make the experience better for all. (And tell them where you heard the idea; publicity is good!)
MangoMan
I find it ironic that she thought you ‘ruined’ the movie… sounds like it was pretty much already ruined at production.
HappyFeet
Since making movies can be awesome, I am pleased to see these little commercials from Sprint. I laughed a lot while watching them.
There is one about epic suspense that I thought Beppo would find a little personal. 😛
HappyFeet
http://www.sprint.com/epic
Beppo
Yeah, the Epic Suspense video was scary! At first I was thinking, “yeah, another stupid scary movie”, but then the ending really was terrible!
(For those of you who don’t get that, here’s a post that explains it.)
Beppo
That’s how commercials should be done! I particularly liked the Epic Renegade Cop, Epic Sound Effects, Epic Villain, Epic Chase, and Epic News. The others were fairly good, too.
Mr. Destructo
The Epic Villain commercial reminded me of the Important Evil Genius (E.D) and also Heinz Doofenschmirtz — even if you can’t be evil enough to take over the whole world, you can at least be evil in small ways around the tri-state area. 🙂
Mr. Destructo
FYI, you can click on the image of the man with a flamethrower in the post for a large picture. It makes a great wallpaper!
Beamis
They should put more toilets in movies! With a turd inside! heh heh heh
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