Who wouldn’t want a flamethrower?

I have my computer setup to rotate through a certain folder of pictures for my wallpaper, and recently this was the picture:

Click image for a larger version (which makes a great wallpaper).

My wife came in the room, and I pointed to this and said I want one of these for Christmas.  Without missing a beat, she asked, “What would you do with it?”  I figured I shouldn’t get too elaborate (because that might concern her), so I said, “To burn stuff.”  Vague, I know, but women seem to not appreciate things like flamethrowers…  I don’t get it — how could it not be awesome?  There’s no shortage of ideas that would be awesome to try if I had a flamethrower (especially a military-grade flamethrower like the one shown above).

What would you do if you had a flamethrower?

how to make any movie awesome

If you watch movies with any regularity, you have realized that some movies just aren’t that great.  Well, let’s be honest, some movies siphon (that’s a nicer way of saying they suck).  Perhaps it is inevitable.  As the great philosophers Beavis & Butt-head once said, “You have to have stuff that sucks so you can tell the stuff that’s cool.”  As crazy as it sounds, there’s some sense to that.  If everything was at the same quality level, nothing would stand out as exceptional.  But I think there are exceptions to that.  For example, there are some things that are just always cool when done right in a movie, like explosions, car chases, incredible wrecks, massive destruction, tanks, powerful weapons (like rocket launchers, grenade launchers, flamethrowers, etc), Chuck Norris, Mr. T, etc.

What got me to thinking about this was a discussion that restarted at one of our popular posts: I want a tank to drive around town.  A couple of movies were referenced that have tank chases in them.  I’ve seen the one in Goldeneye (a James Bond movie), and I could watch it over and over because it’s so awesome.  Thomas Wayne said this about tank chases:

Seems like more movie directors would find a way to work it in.  I know, it may not seem to fit in all movies, but when you have full access to the script, you can make it fit!  Well, perhaps not everyone has the creative prowess of yours truly, but the movie studios could submit it to Buffet o’ Blog and collectively we could make any movie awesome!  🙂

I have to agree — we could make any movie awesome.   Just look at our free-for-all stories.  So much creativity and humor and action — something for everyone.   So I started wondering if it would indeed be possible to make any movie awesome by making a few modifications to the script.  For instance, if a movie was getting too bogged down with depressing emotional scenes, just have someone pull out a flamethrower and add a few explosions, or have Mr. T come in and talk some sense to them, or have someone drive a tank through the room.  (Or even better, have some crazy amalgamation of all that — Mr. T driving a tank into the room, jumping out, yelling at some stupid people, punching a few folks, then taking a flamethrower to the place, resulting in massive explosions!)  Surely that would make the movie better!  And of course it would add value to the movie, therefore viewers wouldn’t think they were getting ripped off by high ticket prices.   So it becomes a win-win situation.

So the next time you’re watching a TV show or movie that starts getting boring and you can’t change the channel or leave, think about what could be done to make the movie better.  Just imagine how one of these scenarios would improve the movie.  And if you come up with some awesome ideas we haven’t mentioned yet, tell us about it in a comment to this post.  Or add it to our current free-for-all story (the first story at the link above).  Anyone can contribute to those, and the rules are simple.  (And you can subscribe to just that post, so you’ll automatically receive the next chapter via e-mail.  It’s a guaranteed good time!)

aerosols reduce global warming

In an online discussion of global warming and whether or not man caused it, I found something interesting :

Between 1961 and 1990 (actually it’s more like 1940-1970), there was not a cooling. There was a halt of global warming. There is evidence that this was caused by aerosols. However, it is difficult to prove with any certainty.

And think about this — in the 1990s, the government started banning aerosols.  (That might’ve helped the decline of the ’80s “big hair” debacle.)  So when aerosols went down, global warming increased.  If that correlation is true, then I’m going to start spraying aerosols to offset all this global warming!  Now, to some of you, that may sound boring, but that means you’ve never sprayed an aerosol towards an open flame such as a lighter.  You have an instant flamethrower.  I’ve always wanted to build a flamethrower.  I might also look into building a jetpack based on the burning of aerosols.  That way I could get around quickly and save the environment!

Yep, I think it’s time for the Buffet o’ Blog Research & Development department to start building a flamethrower and jetpack using aerosols.  Both of these products would sell on their own, but if they’ll reduce global warming, then they’d sell like hotcakes (or better, even).  I wonder what Al Gore will think about this?  Maybe I’ll make my own movie and make millions…