how to make any movie awesome

If you watch movies with any regularity, you have realized that some movies just aren’t that great.  Well, let’s be honest, some movies siphon (that’s a nicer way of saying they suck).  Perhaps it is inevitable.  As the great philosophers Beavis & Butt-head once said, “You have to have stuff that sucks so you can tell the stuff that’s cool.”  As crazy as it sounds, there’s some sense to that.  If everything was at the same quality level, nothing would stand out as exceptional.  But I think there are exceptions to that.  For example, there are some things that are just always cool when done right in a movie, like explosions, car chases, incredible wrecks, massive destruction, tanks, powerful weapons (like rocket launchers, grenade launchers, flamethrowers, etc), Chuck Norris, Mr. T, etc.

What got me to thinking about this was a discussion that restarted at one of our popular posts: I want a tank to drive around town.  A couple of movies were referenced that have tank chases in them.  I’ve seen the one in Goldeneye (a James Bond movie), and I could watch it over and over because it’s so awesome.  Thomas Wayne said this about tank chases:

Seems like more movie directors would find a way to work it in.  I know, it may not seem to fit in all movies, but when you have full access to the script, you can make it fit!  Well, perhaps not everyone has the creative prowess of yours truly, but the movie studios could submit it to Buffet o’ Blog and collectively we could make any movie awesome!  🙂

I have to agree — we could make any movie awesome.   Just look at our free-for-all stories.  So much creativity and humor and action — something for everyone.   So I started wondering if it would indeed be possible to make any movie awesome by making a few modifications to the script.  For instance, if a movie was getting too bogged down with depressing emotional scenes, just have someone pull out a flamethrower and add a few explosions, or have Mr. T come in and talk some sense to them, or have someone drive a tank through the room.  (Or even better, have some crazy amalgamation of all that — Mr. T driving a tank into the room, jumping out, yelling at some stupid people, punching a few folks, then taking a flamethrower to the place, resulting in massive explosions!)  Surely that would make the movie better!  And of course it would add value to the movie, therefore viewers wouldn’t think they were getting ripped off by high ticket prices.   So it becomes a win-win situation.

So the next time you’re watching a TV show or movie that starts getting boring and you can’t change the channel or leave, think about what could be done to make the movie better.  Just imagine how one of these scenarios would improve the movie.  And if you come up with some awesome ideas we haven’t mentioned yet, tell us about it in a comment to this post.  Or add it to our current free-for-all story (the first story at the link above).  Anyone can contribute to those, and the rules are simple.  (And you can subscribe to just that post, so you’ll automatically receive the next chapter via e-mail.  It’s a guaranteed good time!)

preparing for the upcoming robot rebellion

I don’t know if you saw this in the news, but it’s scary that our world might soon be overrun by good-robots-turned-evil.  I know, some of you probably think this is another far-fetched imagination of mine, but here is the link to prove you wrong: Experts Warn of “Terminator”-Style Military-Robot Rebellion.  This report was funded by and prepared for the U.S. Navy’s Office of Naval Research.  So this ain’t no joke!

It’s ironic that they’re warning us of this before such robots are even created and deployed.  But that obviously means that this is a very serious threat, one not to take lightly.  I think this calls for a constitutional amendment!  We currently have “the right to bear arms”, which is to protect us, but that won’t keep us safe from Terminator-style robots that will surely be bulletproof.  So obviously we need access to some high-tech weapons, such as ones designed only to combat robots.

Since our government moves at the speed of molasses and doesn’t care about our rights anyway, we need to design our own robotic weaponry, for our self-defense, of course.  Well, the testing would be fun, and until this apocalyptic robot war comes to pass, these robots could cook for us and bring us our food.  You don’t want them sitting around rusting away, do you?  🙂

Also, since these futuristic military-grade robots may possess some type of Wi-Fi mind control powers to “convert” our robots to the dark side, we need our own robotic exosuits, complete with full weaponry (and a tea dispenser).  (This has been discussed here before.)   That way, even if the robots malfunction, we can save the world ourselves.

This may sound too far-fetched for some of you, and that’s okay.  That just means you aren’t part of the solution.   Unfortunately, that also means you will be at the rebellious robots’ mercy until we save the day.  But never fear — I’ve had lots of practice saving the world.  Granted, it’s been with video games, but have you seen how realistic they are these days?  I’m sure my mad skills would translate well to real life.  (Have you seen the TV show “Aaron Stone”?  It worked for him.)

the military’s new ray gun

The military now has an actual ray gun, which they call the “Active Denial System”.  It shoots out a 100,000 watt beam of radio waves.  It does no permanent damage, but it can stop people in their tracks up to half a mile away.

There’s some videos at this link.

I just want to know — where can I get one?  🙂

This would be great for keeping the neighbor’s pets out of my yard, along with those annoying door-to-door salesmen.  Plus it would be great at parties, although they need to develop a hand-gun sized version.  Maybe I should get the Buffet o’ Blog R&D department to develop one.  I bet it would sell like hotcakes…