bird poop facials — only $180

I’ve heard of people drinking coffee made from poop, which is crazy enough.  But at least it’s cooked and processed to some degree.  Now there’s a new use for poop.  (But wait, there’s more!)

Now a spa in New York City is offering bird poop facials for $180 each.  Supposedly it gently exfoliates the skin.  I’m no beauty expert, but aren’t there other ways to do that?  Anyway, it’s called a “geisha facial”, which is supposedly a Japanese beauty secret.  (I’m thinking I’d keep the ingredients list secret if this was my product, but I’m no marketing expert, either.)

I know what some of you are thinking — “But you never mentioned the smell!!!”  🙂  Of course they have to account for that; how many people would stay in a spa if it smelled like crap?  At this spa, they surround you with aromas of camellia, lavender, and rose.  They mix the bird poop with a rice bran, so it supposedly smells like toasted rice.  The treatment begins with steam to open the pores and soften the skin, then they leave this poop mixture on your face for five minutes.  I guess they want the bird poop to soak in.  (Remember, they’re a professional business and they charge you a lot of money, so obviously they must know what they’re doing.)  The owner says the bird feces brings out the dirt and dust that builds up in the skin and leaves the customer feeling refreshed.

poop - jar of poopOh, and they don’t use just any ol’ bird poop, because that would be gross.  It’s only from nightingales, because they eat seeds that produce the natural enzyme that is the active ingredient.  Seems to me it would be good to cut out the middleman in this situation…

The article says that about 100 people get this pooperizing procedure done at this spa every month, which, doing the math, brings in $18,000 — every month.  That’s a lot of money for a procedure using bird poop and rice bran.  Seems like a high-profit business to be in.  They must be doing something right.  (I’d guess it’s the advertising and promotion — how else are you going to convince people to pay big bucks to get poop smeared on their face?)

A doctor (also in New York) has predicted that animal extracts will grow in popularity, that they offer “a new definition of natural”, because some marketed natural products could be harmful to the skin.  However, I also learned that because this is sold as a cosmetic rather than a drug, there is no obligation to back up their claims with evidence.

What’s going to be the next use of poop?  Actually, never mind — I don’t want to know.

how turrible is this video?

After I posted the Toilet Stool Rap video, Mango-Man said he wasn’t sure if that’s what he had in mind.  So he sent in a link to a video.  It involves badgers dancing and mushrooms.  This is the short version (36 seconds), but it’s not hard to find the longer versions if you want (which are just repeated).  You might’ve heard of it — apparently it went viral a couple of years ago, and a lot of people have made parodies of it.

My analysis is that this is the lamest video I have ever seen.  I feel dumber for having watched it.  If you watched it, I apologize.  Remember, this came from Mango-Man, so let him know if you think it’s worse than hammered crap*.  He reads the comments, so let your opinion be heard.

* In case you don’t know about hammered crap, it’s the latest rage.  There are numerous ways to play, but the best way is to get a big sledgehammer and a cow pattie.  The cow pattie can be fresh or “aged” — you should try using both to see which you prefer, but I think fresh makes more of an impact.  The rest of the game is obvious — you hammer the crap.  One big smash usually does the trick, and everyone there will remember that day for the rest of their lives.  It’s guaranteed to create lasting memories, stuff to tell your grandchildren about someday…

where to buy coffee made from poop

A while back we wrote about a very expensive coffee made from poop, also known as “Kopi Luwak”.   Now Think Geek is offering it for purchase and consumption in the U.S., calling it Civet Crap Choice Coffee.  It costs $34.99, for 5-10 servings.  Kinda pricey for coffee, and gross to think about, but, hey, it’s rare and exotic and unique!  Restaurants sell this for $50 per cup!

I will not personally be conducting any research / taste-testing on this coffee.  I don’t drink coffee, and even if I did, I wouldn’t want to drink coffee made from beans that a wild animal pooped.   If any of you reading this have tried it, leave a comment explaining the “complex flavors” and “highly exotic” flavor.

If you go to the website and see the package it comes in, it’s funny how they felt led to put “edible” on the front of the package…  And it’s rare because “only 500 KGs of this rarity are found each year”.  You know why?  People have to find poop from this animal, collect it, and remove the coffee beans from it.   Then they make coffee from it, for you to drink.

waste management and golf

Those two topics don’t seem to really go together, do they?  But I recently heard someone on TV talking about a golf tournament called the Waste Management Phoenix Open.  You’d think they could find a better-named sponsor than that…  Of course, waste management is an important business — someone’s gotta do it — but the name doesn’t really imply a high-prestige golf tournament, in my opinion.  I know the tournament sells the naming rights to make money, but perhaps a line should be drawn somewhere…

And why is a waste management company spending big bucks on advertising?  They could just use a slogan like “We’ll take your crap!”  People would talk about that on their own, obviously.