I just received a breaking news release from local news affiliate GP News. Apparently regular reader Thomas Wayne has filed a lawsuit against regular reader Mango-Man. This isn’t a normal lawsuit, either. Wait ’til you hear what it’s about… Here’s an excerpt from the release:
Apr 1 (GP)
International man of mystery Thomas Wayne has filed a lawsuit against the indiscriminate Mango-Man. But this is no ordinary case. For one side of the story, here are the accusations, from the document filed by Thomas Wayne.
“Mango-Man owes me a lot of money for my troubles. Let me explain. A while back he was riding with me around town in my trusty El Camino. He started complaining of hunger, saying he needed a fourth meal. So we stopped at Taco Bell, and he ordered several of those cheesy double beef burritos. I cautioned him against it, but he refused to heed my advice. This is where our story begins.
The problems started almost immediately. And by problems, I mean flatulence. The air in the car quickly became unsuitable for life. It wasn’t just must’ — it was stank terribleness. We rolled the windows down, and figured that would take care of the problem.
But for the next several days, the smell refused to leave. I tried spraying industrial-strength Febreeze all over the car interior, but it could not defeat the smell. So then I took the seat cushions to the dry cleaners, but they banned me from ever going there again because the stench broke they equipment. Then I tried boiling the seat cushions, but they still be stank.
I don’t know what else to do, other than having the HAZMAT team haul them away. I reckon I’ll have to replace all the interior. But that ain’t cheap, because this car is a classic antique. That’s why I contacted the reputable law firm of Mann, Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe, and I’m suing Mango-Man for $5011, to cover the cost of new carpet, seats, and headliner, along with the exorbitant bill from the cleaners, and emotional distress. I no longer look forward to riding in my awesome car because of the stank terribleness. My regular life has been damaged, and it’s all Mango-Man’s fault!”
Mango-Man could not be reached for comment.
I can see this one being controversial… Stay tuned for breaking developments in this unusual case!