breaking news: Thomas Wayne sues Mango-Man

I just received a breaking news release from local news affiliate GP News.  Apparently regular reader Thomas Wayne has filed a lawsuit against regular reader Mango-Man.  This isn’t a normal lawsuit, either.  Wait ’til you hear what it’s about…  Here’s an excerpt from the release:

Apr 1 (GP)

International man of mystery Thomas Wayne has filed a lawsuit against the indiscriminate Mango-Man.  But this is no ordinary case.  For one side of the story, here are the accusations, from the document filed by Thomas Wayne.

“Mango-Man owes me a lot of money for my troubles.  Let me explain.   A while back he was riding with me around town in my trusty El Camino.  He started complaining of hunger, saying he needed a fourth meal.  So we stopped at Taco Bell, and he ordered several of those cheesy double beef burritos.  I cautioned him against it, but he refused to heed my advice.  This is where our story begins.

The problems started almost immediately.  And by problems, I mean flatulence.  The air in the car quickly became unsuitable for life.  It wasn’t just must’ — it was stank terribleness.  We rolled the windows down, and figured that would take care of the problem.

But for the next several days, the smell refused to leave.  I tried spraying industrial-strength Febreeze all over the car interior, but it could not defeat the smell.  So then I took the seat cushions to the dry cleaners, but they banned me from ever going there again because the stench broke they equipment.  Then I tried boiling the seat cushions, but they still be stank.

I don’t know what else to do, other than having the HAZMAT team haul them away.  I reckon I’ll have to replace all the interior.  But that ain’t cheap, because this car is a classic antique.   That’s why I contacted the reputable law firm of Mann, Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe, and I’m suing Mango-Man for $5011, to cover the cost of new carpet, seats, and headliner, along with the exorbitant bill from the cleaners, and emotional distress.  I no longer look forward to riding in my awesome car because of the stank terribleness.   My regular life has been damaged, and it’s all Mango-Man’s fault!”

Mango-Man could not be reached for comment.

I can see this one being controversial…  Stay tuned for breaking developments in this unusual case!

16 thoughts on “breaking news: Thomas Wayne sues Mango-Man

  1. MangoMan

    blah blah blah! it’s OBVIOUS this case will be thrown out of court for mis-representing the ‘facts’. You stated (and I quote) “regular reader Thomas Wayne has filed a lawsuit against regular reader Mango-Man” … after eating “several of those cheesy double beef burritos.” there is NO way I was regular. In my opinion you probably spent more on fabreeze than your so-called “awesome car” is even worth… get a REAL vehicle! I’m tired of helping you push start yours as it is… in fact the only reason I even went riding with you that day was cause I felt sorry for you, and I figured I’d help you look cool. Why did I feel sorry for you? As you surely recall… your Momma threatened to make you move out of her house that day (your 35 for goodness sakes… move out already). If me blasting on the butt flute in your car upsets you then SO BE IT! and for the record, your car already smelled funny anyway. My gas was an improvement!

  2. Thomas Wayne

    Mango-Man, YOU’RE the one misrepresenting the “facts”. With those cheesy double beefy burritos, you were even more than regular.

    As you know but stupidly deny, I don’t live at home. I have a secret hideout, which I’ve explained here before. And my car is a classic antique, which runs — more than you can say about your hooptie.

    Before your eruptions, my car smelled like honey. Now it is stank terribleness. It’s most definitely your fault! I’ll have the HAZMAT team deliver the seats to your house, so you can witness the horror.

    See you in court!

  3. MangoMan

    the closest your car comes to resembling honey is the the sticky nastiness on your seat cover from all the spilled big-gulps! ‘classic antique’? that’s like calling a trash-heap ‘aromatic confetti’… you can put a nice name on it all you want… it doesn’t change the facts! as for the power of my eruptions… why I was just helping you with your ‘gas’ mileage! ha! 🙂

  4. Thomas Wayne

    Mango-Man, you definitely have good “gas” mileage… probably at least 50 FPM (farts per meal). That’s why my ride now has a permanent case of stank terribleness! And you were doing it on PURPOSE! That’s why you’re gonna pay me $5011 to cover damages and stuff.

    I don’t spill beverages in my ride, except for that time you ripped one so loud it startled me! You really should get that checked out. I know it’s important to keep yo’ colon cleansed, but you’re gonna blow it out…

    Finally, you dis’ my ride because you’re jealous. You wish you had a trusty El Camino instead of a dookie-brown hooptie! 🙂

  5. MangoMan

    TW… i’ll SHOW you dooke-brown. don’t be suprised to find that ‘somebody’ took a crap in the middle of your kitchen (mommas kitchen?) floor sometime! 🙂

    btw… here’s a new ‘breaking’ development for you… PHVRRRRRRRTTTT!!!!

  6. Thomas Wayne

    Have your laughs now, but soon the judge will make you pay me lots of money to fix my car. Then you will learn your lesson, fartcracker! 🙂

  7. Thomas Wayne

    Uhh… I’d appreciate it if you’d quit letting it out!

    Don’t forget, that’s what started this whole debacle. Now the whole world has seen proof of your free-flowing gaseous expulsions!

  8. Kri'

    Thomas Wayne is just all kinds of jealous that he ain’t got the skillz of MangoMan. It’s OK… we all know yo’ little tooty-fruities ain’t all that, but we still love ya…

  9. Thomas Wayne

    Kri’, did you read the lawsuit and thereby notice what Mango-Man did? If you call that “skillz”, then I want no part of that! BTW, if you had been there, you wouldn’t refer to such things as “tooty-fruities” but maybe something like “tooty-stank-terribleness”. It was like a flatulence bomb was set off in my ride.

  10. MangoMan

    ha! go for it! btw… I’ve sent you a package… special ordered from the buffetoblogs R&D department. it’s the flatulence bag*! don’t worry I’ve already taking the ‘liberty’ of filling the bag so that when you receive the box you will received a blast of … um… ‘freshness’ ha! it’ll almost be like I’m that.

    *note from R&D dept: ‘the flatulence bag’ is patent pending, makes a great gift, and is just plain fun! order yours TODAY!!!

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