Hey, y’all! Thomas Wayne here. The friendly moderator here at Buffet o’ Blog was generous enough to let me put an ad here for an upcoming project of mine. I’m starting a School of Cool. I’ve found there’s a lot of people who are insecure with themselves, who wish they were cooler. And since I’m the coolest person I know, I figure I’m qualified to help others find their inner coolness.
Now, I know some of you are thinking you’re already too cool for such a thing, and if that’s you, then you should most definitely keep reading. Most people aren’t as cool as they think they are. They live in a fantasy world, assuming everyone around them thinks they are so awesome, but that’s not reality. And it’s dangerous to live in a fantasy world. So I’m here to help.
I’ve written up a 12-week curriculum, to teach you what you need to know. And I’ll be your personal instructor when that is necessary. Some of the materials you can study from the comfort of your own home, utilizing revolutionary self-help techniques, and there will be a few sessions where we’ll meet one-on-one and then with a group. I’m overly qualified for this class, because I’ve been uber-cool for many years now, to the point that I don’t even have to try. It’s now just part of my natural charm and charisma. And it helps with the ladies, too — they think I’m the stuff, all that and a bag of chips.
So sign up now. Operators are standing by. It’s a really good value, too. I mean, how can you even put a price on coolness? It’s priceless, but I managed to put a discounted price on this course, to make it accessible to most everyone. Just bring your checkbook and we’ll work out the financial details when you get here. We’ll even take your credit cards.
The first 12 people to register get a free autographed copy of my upcoming book, “Quotes and cool stuff said by me”. It’s gonna be huge, although my publisher is concerned that it won’t sell too well because not enough people realize how cool I am, so this course will actually help sales also, but that’s just a coincidence. My main concern is helping people be all they can be and stuff…
BTW, when this new School of Cool really takes off, I may be looking for a few more instructors to help with the workload, so if you’re interested, list your qualifications in the comments section.
Dr. Thomas Wayne, Esquire