why beans give you gas

You never know when you might be on the brink of a new scientific discovery.  I mean, science happens all the time, even if you’re not looking for it.  So you have to keep your mind open to new hypotheses and theories.

The other night I was reheating some Taco Soup.  It features beef, corn, hominy, pinto beans, kidney beans, and various seasonings like taco seasoning, Ranch seasoning, and Rotel.  (And it’s really scrumptious — much better than any normal soup.  You add cheese, tortilla chips, and sour cream to it.  Mmm…)  Anyway, it has two types of beans in it, as I listed.  I was reheating a bowl of it that was leftover, and I covered the bowl with wax paper.  It was a good thing I covered it, because some of the beans exploded!

So where does science come into this?  Well, I’m not a scientist, but I have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.  So here’s what happened.  Beans don’t normally explode at room temperature, but when they became hot and pressurized, they exploded.  And then I realized that must be what happens when we eat them!  Our bodies run at a temperature around 98.6 degrees, which is quite warm.  And as our digestive system is breaking down the food, there’s a lot of pressure inside.  So while your body processes the beans, they overheat and over-pressurize, which causes them to explode inside you.  And that explosion has to find an outlet, or there will be much discomfort in your stomach.  As you guessed, the outlet is your butt.

I never learned that in school, but it makes sense.  Perhaps the teachers were trying to be politically correct and not talk about gas and farting.  Some people get offended about such things, for some reason.  But I have no reason to hold back here, so I present my unvarnished scientific hypothesis.

Now you know…

Maybe next time I’ll figure out why beans are good for your heart…  🙂

add your own captions, Barack Obama photo

For the second installment of our “Say What?” series of writing captions for photos, we’re going to use a political picture.  This year, politics has been dominating the news, with all the primaries and caucuses to find a couple of presidential candidates.

This picture features one of the main Democrat candidates, Barack Hussein Obama.  This particular picture has become controversial of late, because he didn’t put his hand over his heart during the National Anthem.  The U.S. Flag Code states that you should in this situation.  And lest you think it’s just a well-timed photo, there’s a video at Snopes.com that shows he wasn’t for the entire song.  An Obama campaign spokesperson said, “Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t.  In no way was he making any sort of statement, and any suggestion to the contrary is ridiculous.”  You can think what you want about that, though I wonder why a professional politician who calculates every move would sometimes do it and sometimes not do it.  Anyway, let’s get to the picture and the captions.

Barack Obama national anthem

You can write what Obama might be thinking, or what the other people in the photo might be thinking, or you can write your own analysis or commentary of the situation from a third-party perspective.  Have fun!

(You can see other photos needing captions by clicking on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)