a good idea to try in public restrooms

When you go into a multi-stall public restroom, like at work or at the mall, and there’s someone already in a stall, say this with your best big redneck voice : “MAN, IT SMELLS LIKE CRAP IN HERE!”

It’s a good time…  The people in the stalls will be amused, I’m sure…

sausage balls are good for you

This morning I was eating some sausage balls as part of a balanced breakfast, and I thought about how they’re part of 3 of the 4 main food groups (as considered by many).  It covers meats, dairy, and grains.  All I needed was fruit and vegetables, which I could’ve added by drinking some orange juice, but I opted for egg nog instead.  Who knew sausage balls were so healthy?  (FYI, if you’re not familiar with sausage balls, they’re becoming a holiday tradition in these parts; they’re made from Bisquick, sausage, and cheddar cheese.)

I was later discussing these nutritional “facts” with the “Important Doctor” that visits this site, and he suggested that mayonnaise is part of the meat group.  This seemed strange (which is normal coming from him), but he explained it thusly : Mayonnaise is made with eggs, and eggs come from chickens, which are made of meat; once a meat, always a meat; so if you make mayonnaise from meat, it’s part of the meat group.  I suppose that makes sense.  But I’ve never heard that anywhere else before.

I reckon that means my egg nog is also in the meat group… so I’ll consider it a protein shake.  🙂

You learn something every day…

quotes from cartoons, pt. 2

It’s time for part 2 of our tribute to cartoons.  We’ll use the same format as part 1.  Your side of the deal is to just sit back and enjoy.  If you want to do a little more, say the quote “in character”, and/or try to figure out which episode these were from.  Either way, just make sure you have a good time.  All the shows referenced by these quotes are funny.  (If you don’t enjoy cartoons, there’s something wrong.  You need to loosen up and try to enjoy life.  Do you get offended easily?  Perhaps you need to laugh more.  Laughing is good for your health — it’s like jogging on the inside.  So put aside your way-too-serious demeanor and enjoy the randomness presented here for you.)  With all that out of the way, let us begin :

It’s a beautiful day, but not as beautiful as me. ~ Johnny Bravo

Superheroes and evil twins go together like peanut butter and… EVIL peanut butter! ~ Earthworm Jim

I anything can’t do right since because pickles. ~ Spongebob Squarepants

[LASSIE: Bark! Bark!] “What is it, girl? [LASSIE: Bark!] There’s trouble at the ranch? [LASSIE: Bark!] Hmmm… trouble at the farm. [LASSIE: Bark!] You say Brak was bitten by a rattlesnake? [LASSIE: Bark!] Where is he, girl? [LASSIE: Bark!] He’s at old man Tibby’s farm? [LASSIE: Bark!] Farms have chickens. Corn! Let’s ride!” (Flies off) ~ Space Ghost

You know love is a happy time. All throughout the universe. It’s when the male part of the species goes to the female part of the species and says: “Hey, do you want to go on a date?” And then she would say: “Why yes, I’d like to go on a date.” If you’re LUCKY! And then you go to a restaurant, and she gets something called a salad. And then he gets a big piece of beef, that he eats. And that to me ladies and gentlemen, is LOVE. Kinda makes you cry, doesn’t it? ~ Brak

Hey you kids, get out of my moat, it was not meant to be played in. I must remember to destroy those kids after my breakfast has been eaten. ~ Mojo Jojo

It’s been brought to my attention that you’re not using both sides of the toilet paper. You’re wasting a ply. ~ Phil Ken Sebben, on Harvey Birdman

Ya know what? I’m happy. ~ Droopy

Yeah? Well, I talk LOUDLY and I carry a bigger stick. And I use it, too! WHAM! ~ Yosemite Sam, on foreign policy

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. ~ Calvin

You know what I like to do when someone’s talking to me? I stare at the person’s chin. I’ll nod and respond to whatever he’s saying, but I keep looking at his chin and changing my expression. I look quizzical at first, then vaguely repulsed, and later, quietly amused. Then I’ll suddenly arch my eyebrows and blink a lot, and then I look skeptical and disbelieving. You get bonus points every time the person loses his train of thought. ~ Calvin & Hobbes

People pay more attention to you when they think you’re up to something. ~ Calvin

I don’t think Bambi Eyes will get you that flame thrower… ~ Hobbes

Boy, everyone is stupid except me. ~ Homer Simpson

Marge, the reason we have elected officials is so we don’t have to think! ~ Homer Simpson

Beans are neither fruit nor musical. ~ Bart Simpson, on the blackboard at school

It’s gonna take a lot of fireworks to clean this place up. ~ Homer Simpson, from The Simpsons

I am Adam. Prince of Eternia and keeper of the secrets of Castle Greyskull. This is Cringer… my fearless friend. Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said… By the power of Greyskull! ~ Prince Adam (a.k.a. He-Man)

Wreck-Gar: Yes friends, act now, destroy Unicron. Kill the Grand Poobah. Eliminate even the toughest stain! ~ Transformers, The Movie

No force in the universe can stop me. ~ Optimus Prime, Transformers

And so, may evil beware and may good dress warmly and eat lots of fresh vegetables. ~ The Tick

Life is a big wild crazy tossed salad, but you don’t eat it, no sir! You live it! Isn’t it great? ~ The Tick

I am mighty! I have a glow you cannot see. I have a heart as big as the moon, as warm as bathwater. We’re superheroes, man! We don’t have time to be charming! The boots of evil were made for walking. We’re watching the big picture, friend. We know the score. We are a public service, not glamour boys! Not captains of industry! Not makers of things! Keep your vulgar moneys. We are a justice sandwich, no toppings necessary! Living rooms of America, do you catch my drift? Do you… dig? ~ The Tick

The comments section is now open, if you want to share any memories or other thoughts inspired by these great cartoons.

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I won’t make fun of that.  We should always be thankful.

While it’s interesting to consider the origins and history of Thanksgiving, along with what some former presidents (particularly George Washington and Abraham Lincoln) said about giving thanks to God, I already wrote about that at my other blog.  You can check it out here.

Here at Buffet o’ Blog, we will take a lighter approach to things, as is our tradition, focusing on some of the other aspects of this holiday.

I’m thankful for turkey and dressing, for mashed taters (potatoes), macaroni & cheese, ham, dinner rolls, hashbrown casserole, sweet tea, pecan pie, chocolate chip cookies, etc.  There’s many good foods, too many to list here.

I’m glad that we get to enjoy eating.  What if eating was just something we had to do and it wasn’t pleasurable?  Eating a wide variety of food makes life more interesting.  What if you had to eat the equivalent of plain dog food every day?  That would get old really quick.  (So give your dog a bone or at least some doggie treats every once in a while…)

I’m thankful for the paid days off work!  It’s so nice to have a long weekend.  I still remember my first Thanksgiving after I graduated college and got a full-time job — I was visiting my family, eating all kinds of good food, sitting around the house, and thinking of how I was getting paid money for it.  That is awesome!

I’m thankful for the Internet.  It enables me to ramble on about newly-invented shampoos, bacon-and-cheese diets, helping people stop smoking, blowing up the moon, cartoons, etc., and for people all around the world to read it.  In fact, you’re one of those people right now!  (Doesn’t that make you feel special?)  With this blog, I have the opportunity of making people everywhere laugh.  (If only I could get the people around me to laugh with me… but at least they laugh at me.)  I enjoy publishing my randomness, and hopefully some of you out there enjoy it, too.  If you enjoy this blog, let me hear ya say, “HOLLA!”  [silence]  Okay, that didn’t go well.  I suspect some of you have your mouth full, or, um, food on your fingers, so you can’t respond right now.  I’ll wait…  [5 seconds pass]  Well, I’ll check the comments later.  I ain’t got all day…  I’ve got stuff to do…  🙂

In closing, here’s a Thanksgiving-related joke for you :

After Thanksgiving dinner, some guys go out in the yard and pass it.

The correct answer is football, although there might be more than one correct answer…  🙂