it’s time for some research funding!

Some of us on the Buffet o’ Blog staff have joked that we should start a research project and find a way to get funded by the government.   After glancing over just part of the 2009 Omnibus Appropriations Act / spending bill, I’m convinced that we should actually do it.  Initially we were just joking, but people are getting big bucks for projects that our government probably shouldn’t be supporting.  Here’s a few examples:

* $360,000 to the “NOAA National Weather Service Pacific Region Headquarters to purchase, install, and maintain rain gages”.   Okay, maybe this one should be funded.   But $360,000 for rain gages?!?  I know, they have to pay someone to install and maintain them.  Still, you can buy a LOT of rain gages and pay quite a few salaries with that kind of money!   And that doesn’t sound like a full-time job for several people…  (On a side note, I was taught “gauges” is the correct spelling, but apparently both are acceptable.  Silly English language!)

* $1,000,000 to “Rhode Island Coastal Resource Management Council for the development of a comprehensive habitat restoration and protection plan for Narragansett Bay and nearby water bodies”.  But that’s not all.  Here’s a related one: another one million dollars to “Save the Bay for a middle-school youth program to study, cleanup, and preserve Narragansett Bay”.  Really?!? A million bucks to a professional group just to DEVELOP a plan seems WAY high, but then to add another million for a middle-school program?  Where’s that money going???   It’s not going to the kids.  It’s probably not going to the teachers.  Someone should watch that program.

* $2,150,000 to Wisconsin for the “Wisconsin Height Modernization Program”.  Is the height of Wisconsin out-of-date?  I don’t know what that’s about…

* $5,600,000 to “The JASON Project”.  I have no idea what that is.  But I’m thinking there should be a “Buffet o’ Blog Project”!  We can call it “The BoB Project” for short.   Our state senators should just put it in there for something small, like $100,000.  Who reads these bills anyway?  I don’t think our congressmen do.   This bill is 1,122 pages long, and they had less than 36 hours to read it before it was voted on.  I need to make some phone calls!

* $400,000 for “Horseshoe Crab Research”.  I wonder if this will involve the eating of any…  I’d like to participate in some type of research that involves lots of eating (as long as it’s not vegetables).

* $1,500,000 to “Auburn University for research”.   Some of the earmarks explain what the research is for, but to put “for research” is very generic.  It seems like there would be difficulty in maintaining accountability for that money…   Hmm…  that gives me an idea for my future “research” project(s)…  🙂

The list goes on and on and on and on.  You get the idea.  If you want to look over the plan, here’s the link.  (Be forewarned it’s a 12MB PDF file.)

Enough rambling about all that.  I’ve got to go now, so I can think up some type of “research” I can do to get lots of money.  Apparently this is the American way, and now that Pelosi and the Democrats are spending money like two-year-olds in a candy store, it’s time for me to get in on the redistribution of wealth!

5 thoughts on “it’s time for some research funding!

  1. Mango-Man

    here is a few more projects to add… we might as well get paid for it! 🙂

    tuesday LA smorgasboard project:
    hidden objective, go to Los Amigos and partake of the all you can eat lunch special.

    cyclic redistribution of provisions –
    hidden objective: meet at Larry’s once a month and redistribute the food from the buffet to our plates

    defense and tactical conflict planning:
    hidden objective: game night playing AOE at chads.

  2. Lobbyist for Beppo

    I say we actually research the efficacy of the current norm of proclaiming the taxing of livestock by the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency). These governmentally funded geniuses say that animals are causing global warming (due to “bodily functions” and should be taxed.
    Taxed for what? where would that money go to?
    Anyway, i must not rant.

    We must provide hardcore data on the logic of such a tax. approve/disprove is not relevant. We are neutral in the matter.
    Also we need to research the impact such a tax would have on the livestock industry.

    this research is gonna take money…:)
    I have a full time job already however for the right price…:) 🙂

    Any takers???

  3. Abe Frohman: Sausage King of Chicago

    Somebody should give Bag O’ Donuts $4,000,000 to buy random stuff off of Amazon. Just saying. Let’s fix this economy by buying frivolous things from Amazon. What do you say Congress?

    P.S. This is in no way Bag O’ Donuts posting under another name or something. Really. It’s THE Abe Frohman. Not Bag O’ Donuts.

  4. Reinvestment Researcher

    Hello, fellow americanans! With all this buzz on your website for sound research in a particular area, I have decided to offer you some inside tips. Or actually, just one tip. Be friends to government officials. :)It’s Easy. Call one up and instead of ranting about their performance. Take them out to eat. Buy them a car. Pay the tuition for their kids.

    My research has shown a remarkable success rate for this type of strategy. As a CEO of many research
    projects (and friends with many politicans of both parties) I have been able to fund the following projects:
    1.Americans for Better Construction: we built a snowman using various time honored traditions for snowmaking with the research focusing on NEW methods for the creation of snowmen.
    2.Save a Species Foundation: we camp out in pristine environments looking for numerous exotic creatures thought to be extinct for years. Our purpose…to keep the hope alive that these species still exist.
    3. P.E.C.A.N: People for Ethical Consumption of Awesome Noodles: Research in this area focuses on improving the nutrional and/or development of pasta. Really, everybody wins with this one.

  5. Thomas Wayne

    One of the more humorous things in the spending bill is nearly $1.8 million for pig odor research in Iowa. I mean, if it smells like crap there, then I understand wanting to do something about that. But why not let capitalism do its thing? If the air often smells like manure, people would pay money to have that removed.

    And why does it cost $1.8 million just to research it? I can picture it now — scientist says, “Whew! This manure smells like CRAP! Let’s try spraying it with different odor-eliminators to see if any can remove or cover up the stink.”

    And yes, I realize that would be a crappy job, so maybe they should be paid well, but that kind of money is crazy. That should fund research for the rest of their lives! (Hmm… Maybe that’s what’s going on…)

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