the special days of November, pt 1

It’s now November (albeit halfway over), and like we did last month, we’re going to look at some of the special holidays this month.  I’m going to cover only maybe half of them, because there’s a bunch (and some are just stupid).   You can find the full listing at other sites, but you can find our original commentary and analysis on these special holidays only at this site.  Let’s begin with the month-long celebrations.

November is :

  • National Model Railroad Month — I’d like to have one of those huge model railroad sets, because I like trains, and I’d do some interesting things with it.  The background scenery would be really cool and random, and I’d be tempted to make multiple trains race toward each other and crash on a bridge, like Gomez Addams did for one of his hobbies on The Addams Family TV series.  He also made the bridge explode at just the right time.  (That really was a great show.)
  • Peanut Butter Lovers Month — This one requires no explanation.  But I will make a suggestion or two — you can mix it with jelly, of course, or you can mix it with chocolate.  Mmm…
  • Good Nutrition Month — This must be some type of mistake.  Why would someone schedule this the same month as Thanksgiving?  That just makes no sense.  Because during the Thanksgiving holiday (which can stretch over a few days, as far as the eating is concerned), all diets are declared null and void.  In addition to eating lots of the main dishes like turkey, ham, dressing, etc., desserts will also be consumed in large quantities.  Pecan pie is a regular at my get-togethers.  I propose we move Good Nutrition Month to January, when everyone wants to start diets.
  • National Blog Posting Month — This is obviously a new one, and thus isn’t on some of the lists I’ve seen.  The idea is for bloggers to try to publish at least thirty posts in thirty days.  That’s a noble idea, for sure, but it’s just not gonna happen here.  This is another holiday that could be scheduled better, like during the middle of winter when there’s no major holidays and when it’s too cold to be outside much.  Besides, I’ve got too much stuff to do for writing every day.  🙂

Now let’s look at some of the week-long celebrations :

  • Week 1 — Chemistry Week — Some school students may think chemistry is boring, and with certain teachers it is, but it can be a really cool subject.  Certain combinations of ingredients create explosions, which is cool.  And if you study how the basic elements form compounds that are essential to life, it reveals the magnificence of creation, which points to God, our Creator.
  • Week 3 — Game and Puzzle Week — It’s a good excuse to bring out some board games, which tend to get neglected with all the modern technology we have.  So bring out Monopoly and/or dominoes, to suggest a few.  (BTW, did you know you can get Monopoly in all kinds of “flavors” now?  I’ve seen one for Transformers, Family Guy, The Simpsons, etc.  You can even create your own version on their website and they’ll send it to you.)

I’ll continue this in the next post, or it’s going to get really long…

all the animals are missing!

Let’s think outside of the box for a moment…

What if God decided to rapture the animals first?  What if He decided we were too mean to them or that we don’t deserve them anymore?  Picture it — you might be eating a cheeseburger, and then all the meat disappears.  The collective cries of millions around the world would be, “WHERE’S THE BEEF?”  Fast food joints and established restaurants would all be sued, as meatless burgers and missing steaks would cause an outrage.  Some people would starve, being allergic to vegetables.  Pets would be missing, and the police would be overwhelmed with missing pet calls.  The world would go into utter chaos and destruction.  It could be the end of society as we know it.

[Ed. note: Before “Captain Literal” makes an appearance, let me say this is completely hypothetical.  I know the Scriptures, and there is no reference to animals being raptured, especially before mankind.  So save your “know-it-all” remarks for other sites that might care about your super-serious remarks.  The whole point of this is to laugh.  Now, I realize some people are humorless, and it’s their loss.  Laughing can add +8 years to your life, so I’ve heard.  And laughing does a body good (even better than medicine, in my opinion).  If you’re unable to laugh, life must be really hard on you.  I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.  But if that’s you, then you should spend a few minutes here at this blog, and find something that might make you laugh.  Being an adult doesn’t mean you should quit laughing or take everything seriously.  Other people don’t always take you seriously, so why should you?  🙂  BTW, all this advice is free.  Really, you owe us nothing.  But if your life is now changed and you actually enjoy life again, you should become a regular here at this blog.  And if you want to show your gratitude, you’re always welcome to send us cookies or pay for our next trip to Larry’s Pizza.  Thank you, drive thru…]

How can someone be a vegetarian?

I’ve heard there are some people who are vegetarians, meaning they don’t eat meat.  How can this be?  I’ve heard some propaganda that tried to convince me to become one, but it was stupid.  Can you imagine giving up steak for carrots?  Bacon for broccoli?  Ham for cauliflower?  Sausage for asparagus?  Chicken for celery?  No way!  Just the thought of that would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways, inconceivable.

When did this rigamarole get started?  Mankind has always eaten meat.  We’re supposed to eat meat.  Just the smell of someone putting burgers or steaks on a hot grill seems right.  That smell instantly makes me hungry for that.  And if I’m not the one grilling, it makes me kinda jealous…  You certainly don’t get that same effect if you grill some vegetables.  People would look at you funny, wondering if you know how to cook on a grill.

radishes

Mmm… look at those tasty radishes!  Wouldn’t you rather eat that than shrimp?  Ugh!  Maybe you’d rather give up lobster for artichoke.  Whatever…  I mean, look at the name of artichoke — does that sound like a food?  It sounds like something that might kill you!

Anyway, I could go on talking about how silly it is to be a vegetarian.  But I’ll tell you a real-life testimony of how crazy it is.  I had a friend who fell victim to that propaganda, and he tried it for a few weeks, then decided he didn’t need to wear deodorant anymore.  I became concerned for him, because obviously he was losing his mind.  He eventually came to his senses, fortunately.  We have to watch who we’re listening to.  There are even some celebrities who believe this nonsense.  For example, Pamela Anderson has been quoted as saying, “The best thing any of us can do to fight pollution is to adopt a vegetarian diet.”  What in the world?!?  Obviously she’s lost her mind, because that makes no sense whatsoever.

how to deal with your woman’s bad mood

I know that most of the regular readers here at Buffet o’ Blog are guys, and some of them are married, so those of you who fit that category know that sometimes your wife is in a bad mood.  It can happen for a number of reasons.  Maybe it’s that time of the month (PMS); maybe the house isn’t decorated enough yet; maybe her husband is lazy and slacks a lot; maybe her husband wasn’t enthusiastic enough about doing the chores (even if he agreed to help); etc.  There’s a lot of reasons this scenario could happen — too many to list here.  But you most likely know what I’m talking about.

So what should the man of the house do in this situation?  If you tell her she’s in a bad mood and why she shouldn’t be, that probably won’t help at all, and it may make matters considerably worse (so beware, because you don’t want her to have an “emotional meltdown” or “emotional explosion”).  Another option would be to ignore her attitude.  Men are naturally good at compartmentalizing things, so this is somewhat natural.  But your wife probably won’t like this response either.  You could try hugging her and listening to her, and sometimes this is the right thing to do, but if you’re the source of her frustration / anger, then that won’t help any.

So sometimes there is no good solution.  But you shouldn’t just ignore it, so men need some way to express their displeasure with the situation, so she’ll know that you do not approve of the environment at that time.  One possible solution would be to fart and belch as loudly and as often as possible.  She won’t like this, but perhaps she will begin to associate these things with her bad mood.  An association of that sort would make her want to avoid that situation, which is what you want.

This is really basic psychology principles here.  (My psychology teachers from school would be so proud!  I learned that sometimes you need to just rip a big fart to help motivate others to deal with their problems.)  If I may make a small disclaimer on this, I will say that I haven’t personally conducted experiments on this yet, but logically it should work.  Feel free to share your success stories in the comments section, so married couples may benefit of your testimony and make their marriages happier.  And then the world will become a better place…  🙂