genuine woolly mammoth hair for sale

You can buy some genuine woolly mammoth hair on eBay for $7.95 plus $2.00 First Class shipping.  It even comes with a certificate of authenticity.

The seller actually has good reviews and has been an eBay member since ’99.  This just doesn’t add up…

I was discussing this with the Buffet o’ Blog staff, and we figured out one possible use for it:

What, are you going to try and clone a woolly mammoth from the hair?  ‘Cause if you do, I’d like one.  I’d get a saddle for it, ride it into work.  How’s that for a hybrid?

Hybrid driver: My car gets 80 mpg.
Mammoth rider: My mammoth just (crapped on/stepped on/picked up and threw) your car.

I’d like to have my own woolly mammoth, although I’m not sure I could afford to feed him.  And keeping him in line might be difficult.  I’d hire the Dog Whisperer and tell him this is an old breed.  It would surely help the ratings for his show if he could make a woolly mammoth submit!

caption contest, synchronized swimming

Are you ready for another caption contest?  (You’d better be!)  The past two weeks I’ve been using Olympic-themed pictures, and even though the Beijing Olympics have finished, I’m going to continue that trend.  Although, this one is quite a stretch to picture in the Olympics.  There is synchronized swimming, but this is not quite what it normally looks like.  But write whatever you want about it, whether Olympics-themed or not.  And have fun!

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

methane contributes to global warming

There are companies now selling “carbon credits”, making billions of dollars.  But carbon is not the only element contributing to global warming.  Researchers say methane is 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide in trapping heat in the atmosphere.  As we discussed in the last post, cows contribute significantly to global warming via the methane they produce with their flatulence.  But I’m willing to overlook that, because they play an important role in my diet.

However, there are some people who produce an undue amount of methane, way more than normal.  These people are not only polluting the immediate atmosphere, but they are contributing to global warming.  Of course, some of them might get offended if I told them they had to quit passing gas and belching so much, and you could argue that I would be infringing on their rights.  So I’ve found a good solution.  Effective immediately, I will be selling methane credits.  That’s right, for a small fee (paid to me), you can pass gas all you want, and I will plant trees to offset your personal pollution.  (I will also give you plenty of personal space!)

studying gas from cows

In an effort to reduce global warming, scientists are now studying flatulence produced by cows.  This is from an actual news article:

Argentine scientists are taking a novel approach to studying global warming — strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows to collect their burps and farts. … Scientists at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology in Castelar, Argentina, will analyze the gas collected from cows. Scientists around the world are studying the amount of methane in gas expelled by cows and Argentine researchers have come up with a unique way to collect and analyze it. …

“When we got the first results, we were surprised. Thirty percent of Argentina’s (total greenhouse) emissions could be generated by cows,” said Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology. Berra said the researchers “never thought” a cow weighing 550 kg (1,210 lb) could produce 800 to 1,000 litres (28 to 35 cubic feet) of emissions each day.

Notice that these scientists are studying and analyzing gas from cows.  How would you like that job?  I bet it stinks to have to do that every day!  (Pun very much intended.)

But maybe these scientists are onto something.  If a cow is producing more than its fair share of methane, then that’s not fair to the rest of us.  Likewise, I know some people who produce more methane than a normal human should.  Perhaps the government should require them to add Beano to their food…