You know how there’s those breath strips (skrips) like Listerine “PocketPaks” where you can put one on your tongue and it dissolves to create fresher breath? Those were a good idea. But I’ve got an idea to take that concept much farther.
I have the Buffet o’ Blog R&D (Research & Development) department working on some strips that will dissolve into thin air. The purpose of these will be for those people who insist on passing gas near your comfort zone. (You know who you are!) These strips can be used to cover up your own fart slip, or they can be used when a friend rips one near you and walks away. These strips will have cleansing bubbles that remove the malodorous methane-based odor from the air, leaving only fresh air behind, with a hint of citrus. We may make other flavors available, such as mountain meadows, but they’ll be worked on once the product is fully working properly.
If the carefully formulated formula formulates as planned, you could actually leave a strip (or two) in your underdrawers (drawz) for those days when you have a rumbly in your tumbly and there’s a forecast of thunder from down under. Then you’ll be able to break wind while in important meetings at work (as long as you keep the volume down). Coworkers may notice a freshness emanating from you, but you can attribute that to your cologne / perfume.
Yes, when this product is released, you won’t have to fear hanging out with your extra-gaseous friends anymore. Their foul flatulence can be neutralized with this revolutionary new product. And it will benefit you personally, too, as you won’t have to fear the shame and embarrassment of farting in public or at family gatherings. You will feel a new-found freedom in life, and I suspect it will even help you enjoy life more.
Coming soon to a store near you…