pickles do not go with BBQ!

The other day I was at a BBQ place in Pine Bluff, trying it for the first time.  It was one of those great and turrible* experiences all wrapped into one.  I ordered a BBQ sandwich, but they put pickles on it!  Nowhere on the menu did it say pickles were included on it, nor did the waitress mention it.  I’ve ranted (numerous times) about having no tolerance of pickles, so I won’t rant on that again.  But they should tell you about such things!  They should warn you before exposing you to pickles!  I don’t know if they were trying to ruin my day or just completely ignorant of how much some people detest pickles.

Fortunately, the pickles had yet to soil the meat or bread with their evilness, so they were discarded with no harm done.  That’s a good thing, or the whole plate would’ve been returned.  (I’m not normally one to make a fuss at restaurants, but I have to draw the line at pickles.)  At least the food was great, so that was the bright spot on the trip.

There was another bad spot, though — the waitress never came back.  I finally had to ask for a refill of sweet tea, and they never brought a ticket.  Paying took a long time because they had to match people’s orders with a pile of tickets containing only codes.  I hope that type of service isn’t the norm.

Anyway, just thought I’d rant.  It’s my soapbox, and I can rant if I want to.  🙂  If you’re expecting a moral of the story, it’s that pickles should not be served at restaurants.  If I owned a restaurant…

* turrible is the worse form of terrible, and try to say it like Charles Barkley does, for full effect.

no tolerance of pickles

I was at a restaurant the other night, and I ordered a bacon cheeseburger.  I specifically said no pickles (because pickles are evil), yet they included pickles on my burger.   Fortunately, neither the meat nor the bun was contaminated by the stank of the pickles, so I could just discard of the lettuce, tomato, and onions, and the burger could be rescued without having to send it back and wait.

I’m going to create a business card that says if the server includes pickles on my order, my meal will be free.   I’m going to set it on the table as soon as I sit down, so things are clear.  Perhaps the card should read in big letters: “PICKLES ARE EVIL — NO TOLERANCE”.  Then the fine print will explain the other terms.

I’ve also considered throwing all pickles in the floor, to make my point more clearly.   (Such things have been rumored to have happened before.)  At least I’m more tolerant than Stewie Griffin of the show Family Guy, who said, “For every pickle I find, I shall kill you.”  🙂  I’m not too tolerant of evil (and therefore pickles, by association), but I try to be merciful to people, because I’ve discovered not everyone realizes that pickles are evil.   I don’t know how they don’t know, but ignorance and deception can lead to strange, irrational behavior, so I try to educate folks on this whenever possible.

BTW, if you stumbled onto this site from a search engine and were not aware that pickles are evil, follow the link above and read the comments — it’s debated thoroughly there.  Be enlightened… and share the knowledge with others.

research shows pickles will kill you

We’ve discussed here before the fact that pickles are evil.  We’ve even offered proof, yet some of you stubbornly resist the facts.  Well, here’s further evidence, which I stumbled across recently.

An important scientific study was conducted around 1875, when pickles were starting to gain more acceptance in mainstream society.  Certain intellectual people knew this must be the work of the devil, trying to turn people into evil zombies.  So these smart important scientists conducted some research into the long-term effects of pickles.  There were 5011 people who ate pickles and had their life observed, to see what kind of effects the pickles had.  Much to everyone’s chagrin, all these people DIED!

So there you have it — conclusive proof that IF YOU EAT PICKLES, YOU WILL DIE! That’s just not something you want to mess around with!

Feel free to argue if you must, but facts are facts…

proof that pickles are not for eating

We discussed here before that pickles are evil and shouldn’t be eaten.  Science has confirmed this, by showing that pickles can be used to create TV screens.  That’s a much better use for pickles than consumption (and it doesn’t involve the risk of you becoming a zombie).  That shows that even something as evil as a pickle can be used for good.

However, it’ll be essential that the TV screen doesn’t smell like pickles, or I’ll have nothing to do with it.

Also, other organic materials can be used to create OLED screens, so I still think it would be a good idea to shoot all pickles into the sun.