caption contest, house being moved

Just like clockwork, it’s Monday, and I’m posting another caption contest for your enjoyment.  Yeah, I’m calling it a caption contest even though there aren’t any prizes.   (It’s really too bad that Cheetos sponsorship fell through!)  The “prize” is that you get to make people laugh.  Imagine writing something where dozens to hundreds of people read it and it makes them laugh.  You’d be like an internet celebrity!  And if you have a blog, you can link back to it by filling in that field, and that’s like free advertising for your blog.  I could go on, listing health benefits and social improvement and such, but you get the idea.   So all that said, write a funny caption for this photo.

house being moved

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

seeking free Cheetos

cheetosI tried to get Cheetos to sponsor this blog, so they could provide me with a couple of free bags per week — one for me eating and talking about, and one for giveaways.  But they don’t do sponsorships like this, so we’re out of luck.  That’s too bad.  Because there’s just not any other chips like Cheetos.

On a related side note, this week I saw where you can get bags of Cheetos with an extra 20 percent in them.  This was at Walmarks.   (FYI, some Ebonics dialects translate Walmart to Walmarks.)  It was a good deal, even cheaper per ounce than the large family bag.  So if you enjoy eating Cheetos, you should check it out.

Do you think there should be a Cheetos Anonymous club?   I’m not quite addicted to them, but I could eat them all the time.   So if there was a club where folks met once a week or so and ate Cheetos, that would be pretty cool…

viewer mail, issue #15

It is time for another issue of viewer mail.  (I really should do these more often; they’re fun.)  As always, these are actual search terms that brought people to this website, followed by my own leading brand of analysis, commentary, and rambling.

* buffets make people fat — Buffets don’t make people fat — people make people fat.   Actually, you make yourself fat.  But that’s not meant in a derogatory way.  I mean, if you want to be fat, then you have that option.  But let’s not blame buffets, or the “politically correct” crowd will try to ban them.  Besides, even if all-you-can-eat buffets went away, there would still be fat people.  It’s just a matter of semantics or somethin’…

pickles are evil* pickles diarrhea — I haven’t heard of such things, but I also don’t research it in any way, because pickles are evil.  Some have posited that eating pickles will turn you into a zombie (which probably could lead to diarrhea as your body tries to reject that).  I don’t think that’s completely proven yet, but some important people are working on it.  We’ll keep you updated.  But in the meantime, avoid pickles at all costs, unless you’re throwing them into the sun to destroy them.  That would be okay.  (FYI, there’s a very funny discussion on pickles at that link.)

* shampoo fraud conspiracy — I have no idea about this one…  Does anyone have any clue what this could be referring to?

* potassium nitrate side effects — Potassium nitrate is an interesting compound.  It is used in fertilizer, amateur rocket propellant, smoke bombs, food preservation (in old days), cigarettes, tree stump remover, the heat treatment of metals as a short-term rust inhibitor, the manufacturing of ice cream, toothpaste, and it’s one of the three ingredients in black powder.  So if you were to eat it, who knows what the side effects could be?  There’s a lot to choose from among that list.  But given those options, I don’t recommend eating it.

* burn calories poop — Well, just about any activity burns calories, even tapping your finger on your desk, so I reckon pooping would, too.  I did a quick search, and someone estimated the process burns between 19 and 70 calories.  I don’t know how scientific and accurate that is, but that site claims to be the #1 source for #2.

* can the sun be dangerous — Certainly!  In case you weren’t paying attention in science class, here’s a brief recap.  The sun has constant fusion, where hydrogen atoms fuse together to form helium atoms and release energy.  Or in other words, it’s a constant explosion.  So you don’t play with it!  IT IS NOT A TOY!  You wouldn’t want to put the sun in your pocket, because it would burn your butt.  Fortunately we’re 93 million miles from the sun, and Earth’s atmosphere refracts the direct sunbeams so it’s not instantly lethal.   But using a magnifying glass you can refocus the beams of sunlight and see just how dangerous it is — it creates fire.  So obviously it’s quite dangerous — sunlight plus curved glass creates fire.

That’s all the time we have for today.  I hope you learned something, or at least laughed.  (Laughing burns calories, y’know.  I’m not sure about learning, but it’s still good for you.)

a new flatulence fee

A new ordinance was just passed in San Francisco requiring certain restaurants, such as Taco Bell, to charge a “flatulence fee”, because of damage done to the atmosphere and because methane contributes to global warming.

I tell ya, the politically-correct crowd sure is pushing their over-sensitivities and liberal agendas on everyone else.  While I can’t argue that places like Taco Bell can cause exorbitant amounts of gas (as research* has shown), the government doesn’t have any right to tax us more for eating there!    * no comment.

BTW, this is not actually true, if you haven’t guessed.  It’s April Fools Day, so we’re supposed to make up stuff like this.  Unfortunately, though, some of the far-left in our society are getting so crazy that such a thing could actually happen.  If you haven’t heard, the government is debating whether to charge fees for air-polluting animals, such as cows.  Some are calling it the “cow tax”.  Let’s hope it doesn’t happen.  Not only is it stupid, but it will bankrupt many farmers and cause more meat to be imported from other countries.  And that’s not funny.  (Click here for the full story.)