The moon is broken.  I won’t bore you with terminology like synodic orbital aberration, lunar coefficients, quantum gravity, nor with using big numbers with way too many significant digits.  I would probably lose readers with such tactics.  Besides, the evidence can be easily seen with the naked eye.  Just last night, only half the moon was lighted; soon, none of it will be visible.  (For some reason, that’s called a “new moon”… I think it should be called “no moon”.)  Sometimes the moon even tries to shine during the day.  Here’s the issue : the moon is supposed to shine at night!

The moon provides night-time light for all the furry little woodland creatures.  They need the light at night to help them scavenge for food and so they won’t run into trees.  The moon is important for other reasons, too, like, um, uhh, we need it to, uhh, hmm… Oh, I know — it helps generate tidal waves for surfers.  But let’s not forget the furry little woodland creatures.  We need to fix the moon for our natural habitat.

When the moon is shining during the day, it’s a total waste.  It contributes absolutely nothing.  And on the nights when it isn’t shining, that helps no one.  (And those cute little furry woodland creatures don’t have flashlights like we do.  And so they have difficulty finding food after dark.  That’s why they come into your subdivision with the streetlights and eat your flowers.)  Think about it — the purpose of the moon is to shine at night.  So obviously it got out of cycle at some point in history.  Now, in the 21st century, we might have the technology to do something about it.

If you have any suggestions on how we should fix the moon cycles, feel free to post them here.  Perhaps someone from NASA will see it and decide to do something more useful for us than collecting space dust or crashing a rocket into a comet.  Maybe one of the few remaining mad scientists will take it upon themselves to solve this issue.  (Whoever accomplishes this will most certainly be famous.  We’ll make sure you get sufficient credit.  And just think — you could very easily land a book deal, probably even a movie if you make it all dramatic and suspenseful.)  Perhaps our own Buffet o’ Blog R&D department can come up with a solution.  It would be fun to try.

So send in your suggestions.  Let’s all work together to make a difference.

Did you know today is the 10 Millionth ‘Bring Yourself To Work Day’?  If you’re at work, be sure to take a moment to celebrate.

* Ed. note: I realize this isn’t original content, but there are a few other sites with some good randomness.  TheOnion.com is very random, although sometimes they get too vulgar with their humor (for my tastes).  However, this article is clean.  So I decided to share it with our readers.  If you prefer only authentic Buffet o’ Blog (TM) brand humor, then don’t follow links to third-party websites.  We are not responsible for the content of other sites.  (We’re barely even responsible with our own content!  AWW-RIGHT!  I’m just funnin’ now…)  Stay tuned, because more original, exclusive randomness is just around the corner.

Just think of how great it would be to have artificial turf instead of grass in your yard.  You’d never have to mow it.  While your neighbors mow their yards, you could sit in a lawn chair with a glass of tea and watch them.  And yours would stay green in the winter (making your neighbors’ yards look like crap).

I reckon you could plant some artificial trees, too, to provide shade.  And plant some nice-looking fake flowers, too…

Based on research* I’ve conducted this week, I’ve noticed the trend of people decorating for Halloween more than in years past.  Appropriately, I recently posted a great idea for decorating during this season.  However, I realize that idea was very non-traditional (in some ways), and some people aren’t comfortable with being such a trendsetter.  (But when they start selling like hotcakes next year, remember that you heard it here first!)  So today I am posting a new idea.  It’s still somewhat revolutionary, but not quite as extreme as the previous one.

It looks like a normal jack o’lantern, but it is equipped with the technology of shooting fire out its mouth and/or nose.  It can be triggered by either a motion sensor or a remote control.  Just imagine the trick you can play on children who come to your house for candy!  It would be fun for the entire family.  It also has a self-destruct button, for those of you who want to get a little crazy and set the whole thing on fire.  It’s guaranteed to burn continuously for at least 30 minutes, for lasting satisfaction.

We are now taking orders.  It’s priced affordably for those of you who can afford to buy crap to put in your yard for Halloween.  Be the first on your block to get one!

* Research conducted while driving to work.  (Fooled some of you, didn’t I?  HA!)