As someone suggested in a recent comment, here’s a post about Christmas presents that people received this year.  So if any of you got any neat gifts or have any funny stories you want to tell others about, you may use the comments section of this post.

Almost everyone would like to have lots of money.  It just makes life easier.  Plus there’s some stuff I’d like to buy that just isn’t in the budget (or “spending plan”, if you prefer that terminology).  And so people look for “get rich quick” schemes, often making other people rich when falling for gimmick plans.

Well, I’ve found a readily-available substance that is more valuable than gold and diamonds.  Too good to be true, you might be thinking.  Well, it kinda is.  There’s plenty of it, but the difficulty in acquiring it is what makes it valuable.  Finding it is easy (in a way), because you can find it all around the world.  But catching some of it is quite the achievement.

So what am I talking about?  Do I even know?  😮  Yes, of course I know what I’m talking about.  It’s lunar meteorites.  Basically, that’s a fancy term for chunks of the moon.  Yep, a piece of the moon is more valuable than gold or diamonds.  Check out these stats (referencing here) :
{
Samples (end cuts, slabs, chips, crumbs, dust) of lunar meteorites sell on the Internet (e.g., eBay) for between about $800 and $40,000 per gram, depending upon rarity (perceived or real) and demand.  By comparison, the price of 24-carat gold is about $20 per gram and gem-quality diamonds start at $1000-2000/gram.
}
Obviously, the difficulty is in getting some.  It’s still quite expensive to go to the moon, and finding them in your yard is not a common thing.  Hence the high value of them.  But I’ve directed our official Buffet o’ Blog R&D department to find an affordable way to acquire some.  Even if it costs quite a bit initially, the rocks would soon pay for it.  If a gram can go for as much as $40,000, imagine how much a whole rock would be worth!

I know, some people are thinking this is impossible.  You’re just saying that because no one is doing it.  You may also be thinking it’s silly.  Well, it may be, but it’s an ingenious get-rich-quick scheme, you have to admit.  Have you ever heard this before?  I didn’t think so.

(BTW, if you want to be part of this project, send us some money and we’ll give you a cut of the riches.)  🙂

The Seibu Lions, a baseball team in Japan, is about to get a lot of money, like $51.1 million, so they’re going to upgrade a lot of things.  They’re going to spend more on player salaries, of course, and replace their dome’s artificial surface and install some field seats.  But the most peculiar upgrade to me is that they’ve allocated $6.02 million for “upgrading restrooms”.  I imagine a stadium has a few restrooms, but that’s still a LOT of money!

I’m wondering what kind of bathroom upgrades you could do for that kind of money… Let’s see…

• The men’s urinals should be replaced with a big waterfall.  You could even put a few plants in there to give guys something to aim at.  (I’ve seen a picture of one kinda like that, although I can envision it being even more elaborate.)
• There needs to be some kind of venting system that really works.  With all the technology we have today, we shouldn’t have to tolerate any more of those “I can’t breathe!” scenarios.
• The toilets should be replaced with La-Z-Bowl recliners, where you can get comfortable for those extended sessions.
• Each stall should have a rack with good magazines.
• Why stop at magazines?  With a $6 million budget, each stall should have a flat-panel TV with cable.  🙂  Might as well have a DVD of manly stuff, like live sports games, sports bloopers, stuff being blown up, and the 3 Stooges.
• Countertops should be granite or quartz.
• I’ve seen on TV a toilet made of gold, although I really don’t think that’s necessary.
• Here’s something that should definitely be included, in abundance : soft toilet paper!  Most public restrooms go the cheap way, using that single-ply TP that feels like sandpaper.  With that kind of money they could even give you disposable cloths…

What other things could they do with that kind of spending money?

There’s a restaurant in Tempe, Arizona, called the Heart Attack Grill.  It’s the home of the “Double Bypass Burger”.  Their slogan is “Taste Worth Dying For!”  (I do want to warn you that there are suggestive pictures of waitresses on the site.)  The chefs wear surgical scrubs, and the waitresses wear nurses outfits.

On the menu is a “Quadruple Bypass Burger”, which has 2 pounds of beef, along with lots of bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, and even a layer of fried egg.  (You can see a picture here.)  It has 8,000 calories!  It comes with “Flatliner Fries”, which are cooked in pure lard, then they melt mozzarella over the top and dump beef gravy on them.  There’s also an all-you-can-eat option on the fries.  They even offer wheelchair service, if you are unable to walk away from the table after eating your meal.  The food is all prepared fresh, with nothing frozen and no heat lamps used.

An interesting tidbit about it — the man who thought up the idea and runs it used to own fitness centers.  Go figure…  He does tell regular customers that he doesn’t want to see them in the restaurant more than once a week, but some people don’t listen to him.  A few people even go there every day.

I read a review of this place, and the introduction was interesting :

In a world where political correctness runs rampant, a small mecca exists in Tempe where PC ideals are put aside.

Waitresses dress as nurses, the price on the menu is what you pay, and the food can kill you. Welcome to Heart Attack Grill. Leave all your pretentiousness and your health-conscious mind behind.

Notice that it said, “The food can kill you.”  That’s what I’m talking about!

The record for eating a Quadruple Bypass Burger is 5 minutes 39 seconds.  I’d like to challenge that…  🙂  They also hold a special event called the Valentine’s Day Massacre, where everyone gets free food all day.  I’m all about that!  We need one of these around here!