the 6 million dollar bathroom

The Seibu Lions, a baseball team in Japan, is about to get a lot of money, like $51.1 million, so they’re going to upgrade a lot of things.  They’re going to spend more on player salaries, of course, and replace their dome’s artificial surface and install some field seats.  But the most peculiar upgrade to me is that they’ve allocated $6.02 million for “upgrading restrooms”.  I imagine a stadium has a few restrooms, but that’s still a LOT of money!

I’m wondering what kind of bathroom upgrades you could do for that kind of money… Let’s see…

  • The men’s urinals should be replaced with a big waterfall.  You could even put a few plants in there to give guys something to aim at.  (I’ve seen a picture of one kinda like that, although I can envision it being even more elaborate.)
  • There needs to be some kind of venting system that really works.  With all the technology we have today, we shouldn’t have to tolerate any more of those “I can’t breathe!” scenarios.
  • The toilets should be replaced with La-Z-Bowl recliners, where you can get comfortable for those extended sessions.
  • Each stall should have a rack with good magazines.
  • Why stop at magazines?  With a $6 million budget, each stall should have a flat-panel TV with cable.  🙂  Might as well have a DVD of manly stuff, like live sports games, sports bloopers, stuff being blown up, and the 3 Stooges.
  • Countertops should be granite or quartz.
  • I’ve seen on TV a toilet made of gold, although I really don’t think that’s necessary.
  • Here’s something that should definitely be included, in abundance : soft toilet paper!  Most public restrooms go the cheap way, using that single-ply TP that feels like sandpaper.  With that kind of money they could even give you disposable cloths…

What other things could they do with that kind of spending money?

7 thoughts on “the 6 million dollar bathroom

  1. Friend of poo

    For sure they need a bidet (however most toilets in Japan are a dual crapper and cleaner already) but they need a dryer for yo stuff.
    They also need to install an optional digital camera just in case you crap out a masterpiece and wish to have a picture of it displayed. It would also be neat to offer it to be framed if you are the type who likes to brag.
    They also need to make sure that the stalls have a lot of room leading to them in order to keep out the sounds of a power poop. That way you could just go in there grab yo magazine, and poop your brains out. Also make sure that there is plenty of room between the stalls, cause you can really lose your concentration if you tryin to get a big ole turd out and see some dude’s feet.
    A quick heater may be in order for those who have the, “post dookie shivvers,” that I have heard desrcibed.
    Mostly, however they need a person to come in and clean when you are done you just ring a bell when you leave and they come in and destinkerize the place. (none of those uncomfortable bathroom attendants who fold your poop paper for you and try to make conversation)
    Lastly, I feel a good recliner room for when you are done and you have the post crap tiredness just to kick back and relax for a minute and recover from giving birth to a mudsnake. Heck, they keep those women who only have ONE baby in a hospital. Of course the recovery room would have to have refreshments (hot dogs, chili cheese dip, pizza, mountain dew, etc.)
    Oh for the day I have millions to spend on my poop palace.

  2. Thomas Wayne

    I was looking online at some different bathrooms based on the conversation above, and I found some interesting ones…

    Look at this picture and then consider this scary thought : which handle is to flush it? If this were the only place to go, I’d either not flush it or just go find a tree outside…

    For the guy who likes flowers, what’s his name, Flower-Mango-Man or somethin’, here’s a urinal for him. There’s even a company that makes urinals that look like flowers.

    If you’re into hunting (which is much more manly than flowers, obviously), here’s a public restroom with animal taxidermy.

  3. Crappo the Clown

    How about the toilets come with a button that activates a laser that burns the poop off your butt?

    (How’s that for randomness? I think I might’ve just helped you exceed the daily recommended allowance of randomness…) 🙂

  4. Bowels Aflame

    As for that laser idea, better keep some of those medicated hemi pads and some prep h available in case you miss the poop and hit flesh.

  5. Mango-Man

    Thomas Wayne… I agree with you… I do like the flower urinals… that way I can wiz all over ’em!!!

    Friend of Poo has a good idea… combine a recliner & a toilet… call it the ‘Lay-Z-Bowl’ 🙂

  6. Pingback: pimped-out toilet sweepstakes « Buffet o’ Blog

  7. Mango-Man

    I just had another thought about an ‘ultimate bathroom’…

    theres nothing quite like getting up early in the morning and peeing off your own porch… i’m sure this is a pleasure a lot of ‘city folk’ have never had the luxury of indulging in.

    To remedy this I suggest designing a bathroom that looks like a porch over-looking a yard (think backyard of a house in a small subdivision) you have the porch, and the yard… with grass and everything… you could have it open air for more realism (no roof anyway)

    if I ever start a business I think I might add one of these. It’d be cool to have a ‘men’s courtyard’ specificly to pee in. A sprinkler system would, of course, kick in occasionally to wash any waste away (to the under ground drainage system)

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