I’m thinking about getting a new vehicle… something really nice and loaded.  What are some features I should ask for?  (This can include devices not standard on cars or even not invented yet.  Feel free to use your imagination.  Let’s have fun with this.)

As happens at this time each year we see a marked increase in health related problems.  Sinus problems, flu, and the common cold are… well… common.  As the winter season comes upon us I feel it is my responsibility to notify everyone of a new threat on the horizon of which you may be unaware.  It is known to the experts as  SnoHaenjel syndrome.  This is a serious condition resulting in sudden involuntary muscle movements linked closely to disorder of the nervous system and caused by abnormal electrical activity in the brain triggered by bouts of extreme cold. 

There has been a recent rash of first hand encounters in which  onlookers witness an ‘episode’ of SnoHaenjel taking place yet sadly do nothing to assist the victim with some even smiling or laughing at the unfortunate soul.   Seeming to prefer instead to watch them flounder helplessly around on the freezing snow covered ground or in a snow bank. 

Please pass along this warning to everyone you know about Snohaenjel syndrome.  Known by it’s ‘street name’ as Snow Angel.  If you are ever unfortunate enough to witness such an event please offer assistance rather than just pointing and mockingly shouting ‘snow angel’ as is the response of many. It is not yet known what causes ‘Snow Angel’ syndrome.  As one victim puts it “I’m not sure what happened… one minute I was shoveling snow from my driveway… and the next minute I was floundering on my back in the snow, my arms and legs involuntarily waving”

Attached is a  rare picture of an ‘episode’ in progress… due to the disturbing nature of this picture viewer discretion is advised.

It’s now 2007 and things are getting back to normal after the Christmas holiday season.  Most of us are back at work, going through hundreds of e-mails and seeing what went wrong while we were out.  This got me to thinking that after a long break (like a week or more), companies should offer a plan to help you ease back into the normal workflow.  All those consecutive days off gets you accustomed to sleeping in and not working, then jumping headfirst back into the normal work routine is too harsh an adjustment.  We should be allowed to come in around 10:00 for a few days, then 9:00, and then 8:30 or so.  And we should get to take a two hour lunch during this time.  That would really help.  So to whoever is reading this that has such influence at your company, make it so.  Your employees would thank you, and it would boost morale quite a bit.  And your employees would brag to their friends about it, which would be great publicity for your company.

It’s now the time of the year that most people make New Year’s Resolutions.  I am no different, in this tradition.  I plan to lose weight this year.  Yep, gonna drop those extra pounds to get in shape.  However, I also typically keep the tradition of not meeting my resolution of losing weight.  So this year I’ve decided to change things up.

Studies show that it’s not mentally healthy to make resolutions and not keep them.  This leads to self-delusion and cognitive dilution and such things.  And I don’t like being diluted.  So this year, instead of making a resolution that I’m not gonna keep anyway, I’m gonna set more realistic goals.  This year, I plan to gain 30 pounds.  Just the thought of this goal instills me with confidence and excitement.  I won’t be drudging through the first few weeks of the year, struggling to keep my new resolution.  I anticipate maintaining a high level of intensity and duration for this goal.  This year, I’m going to keep my New Year’s Resolution!

If any of you reading this have any New Year’s Resolutions that will make you happier, feel free to share.  We should all be happier and laugh more.

Oh, yeah, there’s one more resolution — 2007 will be the best year of Buffet o’ Blog ever.  There will be more exclusive, original content than you can shake a stick at, and the quality of the humor and randomness will be raised to an even higher standard.  You just wait and see…  It’s gonna be great!