Category: Random

how cereal makes me smarter

This morning I had cereal for breakfast.  This may not seem newsworthy, but this isn’t a news service.  🙂  I had Cocoa Dyno Bites, which are the “generic brand” equivalent of Cocoa Pebbles (and are also part of a balanced breakfast).  What makes this event special is that it was the last bowl of the bag, which means it was extra-chocolatey.  And so it was extra delicious.  (Those of you who have experienced this will understand.)  I wonder if the nutritional info applies to the last bowl also.

The Dyno Bites don’t come with a toy, but they give you more cereal for a cheaper price, and it tastes about the same.  Not that I need a toy (especially one in the less-than-$1 range).  But there is that saying, “Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.”  But I still choose cereal based on flavor, which is based largely on the amount of sugar and chocolate in it.  This confirms what I already know — I have not yet reached middle age.  I plan to stay in the “young adult” range for a while.  (I also plan to live forever.  You may laugh, but so far so good.)

There’s also another quote about middle age that I know of : “Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.”  The broadness of the waist has started happening already, but my mind continues to broaden.  In fact, my knowledge continues to grow exponentially.  (That means a LOT, for those of you who aren’t sesquipedalianists or who dislike obfuscation.)  So obviously that proverb doesn’t apply to me, either.  I sometimes wonder if there is a limit to how much knowledge the human brain can store.  I doubt anyone has ever reached that limit, if one exists.  But I’m aiming for the world record of most knowledge accumulated by one person in memory.  I’m well on my way already, and I haven’t even reached middle age yet.

You may now be wondering what all this has got to do with cereal (or did you forget about the cereal already)?  Nothing, really.  It just shows how many neural and synaptic connections can be made off any random point, due to the immense storehouse of knowledge and stuff.  I also wonder if it’s possible that one can increase their randomness quotient by increasing their intelligence…  I’m not sure yet, but I will continue my personal research in this matter (and then I will know even more!).  See, I can start talking about eating the last bowl of my cereal and then come up with original theorems / postulates / hypotheses in the same article.  Sometimes I amaze myself with all these cognitive acrobatics.  The randomness continues to flow, more than this post can contain.

(BTW, I realize some people may think this is pure rambling, but consider if it just might be the essence of distilled wisdom.  And maybe next time you’re eating cereal you’ll start to expound on various truths and such.  It’s a good time.)

Arkansas Fresh Indoor Air Act of 2007

It is unlawful for persons to expel virulent gases from their buttocks within the proximity of five (5) feet of another person in an indoor or confined area.

I’m just a billIn the interest of full disclosure, perhaps I should say this isn’t a law yet.  Nor is it yet a bill out on Capitol Hill dreaming (and singing) about becoming a law someday.  In fact, it hasn’t even been proposed — until right now.  So it’s not immediately effective.  But I’ll be petitioning my state representatives to pass this legislation.

You may be asking why this is such a big deal.  Well, air is important for life, and we need fresh air, rather than some polluted, contaminated air being released from someone’s rear orifice.  Not only is such air bad for our nasal passages, it is harmful to the environment, due to all the methane being released in an unregulated manner.  And it’s been shown that methane contributes to global warming.

I will present some examples which illustrate the dangers of releasing malodorous fumes in the form of flatulence.  1) Suppose you’re on an elevator, and someone releases a silent-but-deadly fart.  There instantly becomes a shortage of fresh air for normal breathing, and everyone becomes uncomfortable.  2) I had a friend in high school who would lock the windows in his car, rip one, and crank the heat up on high.  THAT AIN’T RIGHT!  The air quickly became unsuitable for life.  That kind of inhumane irresponsibility must stop!  3) One time at a Taco Bell in Pine Bluff, one diner chose to erupt with “thunder from down under”, which was inconceivably loud.  It destroyed our meal, to the point of some people in the restaurant getting up and running outside.  And on the ride home, this particular guy drove and continued his farting ways.  He turned the air on high, to blow all the noxious fumes to the back of the van.  Many people suffered greatly at his hand, er, butt, that day.

I could give many more examples, but you see my point.  It is obvious that some people will not fart responsibly, so something must be done to regulate such dangerous outbursts, for our own safety and pleasure.  Please join me in petitioning our state representatives to get this problem under control via government regulation.

Thank you, drive thru…

Governmentium — a new element

I don’t normally post forwards here, but this one is new to me and is funny.  It also makes a political statement amidst the humor.

A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

Feel free to interject your opinions in the comments section…

dirt cake and strawberries for breakfast

This morning I had dirt cake and strawberries for breakfast.  It was all part of a balanced breakfast (although I think I was missing some other parts).  It was fruits and sweets, which are generally considered good choices for breakfast.  The combination was like having strawberries and cream, plus having chocolate-covered strawberries.  It was some good stuff!

Just thought I’d let you know, since some people probably haven’t thought of this combo before.  I highly recommend it.  (Remember that breakfast is one of the three most important meals of the day, so you should take it seriously and make the most of it.)

(If you aren’t familiar with dirt cake, it consists of Oreos, mixed with vanilla pudding, cream cheese, milk, and sugar.  It’s often served in a bowl that looks like a flower pot, and you put crumbled up Oreos on top to make it look like dirt.  Some people even put gummi worms in it, which is unnecessary for me.  Anyway, it’s scrumptious!  Almost everyone considers this dessert to be “awesome”, and rightly so.)