Earlier today I was switching channels on the TV and heard something unexpected. Apparently some research group is looking for people to participate in an induced constipation study. I just saw the end of the commercial, so I didn’t hear what the compensation was (if it was mentioned), but it would have to be a lot. Actually, I’m not sure you can put a price on being regular.
I don’t know what it feels like to be constipated, but I figure it would be quite bad after a while. And using experimental drugs to get there just seems like a really bad idea. I don’t even want to know what the potential side-effects of that are… Besides, shouldn’t the drugs be fixing constipation, not causing it?
That whole scenario just sounds wrong. I hope it’s not some scheme of the Important Evil Genius trying to rule the tri-state area with constipation… it sounds like some lame plan he’d make up.
4 thoughts on “an unusual research study”
Holiday Inn Express
Wait, so they are asking for people who want to be constipated? Good luck with that. Although, it would be hilarious to sign some people up as a prank. Maybe tell them it’s a weight loss pill.
‘Hey Bob, how’s that experimental weightloss pill working for you?’
‘It’s terrible! I haven’t been able to “drop” any weight in four days.’
‘That’s too bad, I heard it was working as expected. Sounds like you’re just full of crap.’
Best part though, once the study is over sudden dramatic weightloss will occur.
I’m gonna sign Mango-Man up!
Would there be any times people would want to be constipated, such as when going to the bathroom is extremely inconvenient? If you were in a race, pooping is inconvenient, but the side-effect of such a condition is that you’d probably feel like crap.
Holiday Inn Express
I think I finally know who this is intended for! You all know somebody who, for whatever reason, won’t use public restrooms to take care of business. Assuming the effects of this study could be limited to 8-10 hours per use, those people could again lead care-free lives. Other uses for a poop-free afternoon include:
Hiking – Bears may poop in the woods, but you don’t have to!
Road Trip – no stopping for anything except fuel.
Airline/bus travel – now mandatory for everyone.
Hot air ballooning – just because you could act like a bird, doesn’t mean you should.
Crappo the Clown
They say everyone should have their colon cleansed… I’m gonna clean mine right now! PHVRRRT!