the ultimate potato salad

If you view this full-size, it looks somewhat like an alien blob. It may not be ALIVE! but it's obviously not food.

Recently I had several home-cooked Thanksgiving meals, and for there were lots of great traditional foods — turkey, ham, dressing, mashed potatoes, etc.  But there is one traditional food that I just don’t understand — potato salad (or as some say, tater salad).  Actually, let me call it “food”, because I’m not convinced it’s edible.

Normally I’m all about potatoes, in just about any capacity, but why ruin it with pickles and mustard?  I just don’t get it.  We’ve discussed at length that pickles are evil and should not be eaten.  I don’t like eating mustard, but at least I can accept that some people like it.  Pickles just aren’t food.  Even just the smell of them is repulsive.

Fortunately my in-laws realized my dislike of it and left some of the mashed potatoes uncorrupted for my consumption this year.  So props to them for that.

But why ruin good potatoes in such a manner when there are so many better uses for them?  Nonetheless, I understand how tradition and nostalgia is important, especially this time of year, so if potato salad is a tradition that many people feel should be continued, let’s revamp it.

So here and now, let’s invent a new-and-much-improved “potato salad” (if one must exist).  First off, no pickles or mustard.  Let’s just start with mashed potatoes (with butter and milk, of course), then add cheese and bacon.  Or we could go with bacon and gravy.  (Or all 3 if you feel adventurous.)  This will be a hundred times better than regular potato salad!  (Actually, I’m not sure I could even put a number on the comparison, since in its traditional form it is inedible to me.)

If we make this change, it might be culture shock to a few people, but once they try it, there’s no going back.  People will forget about the previous version, and everyone will be happier for it!  If it makes you sad that family members will no longer say things like, “Grandma Bottlestopper made the best tater salad”, realize that now people will say YOU make the best potato salad.  YOUR recipe will be written into the legends of Thanksgiving cooking, to be discussed for generations to come.  How will you feel about that?

If you have any additional suggestions or have done research on this topic, feel free to share.  Together we could invent the world’s best potato salad recipe.

6 thoughts on “the ultimate potato salad

  1. Self-Proclaimed Genius

    Here, Here! I now reveal unto the world the Mostes Ultimates Magnumses Optimus Tater Salad of all, The CheetOreoCon Tater Bomb! Just imagine, your favorites all together: Cheetos, Oreos, Bacon and Taters. What mo need be says, Ugh!

  2. Fab

    I like the cheese and bacon idea, maybe even with a little ranch (pronounced “rainch”) dressing for I too am opposed to traditional tater salad.

    Another idea is to use soft fried taters, add bacon, and maybe a little ketchup and cheese if desired. Either of these would be far superior to the non-food that is traditional tater salad.

  3. Thomas Wayne

    Now we’re onto something! Using soft-fried taters is a most excellent idea! Everybody loves soft-fried taters!

    This needs to be researched. That with bacon, cheese, and ranch would have to be great. Someone needs to bring this to the next Buffet o’ Bacon night.

    BTW, I’d leave the Oreos on the side, for post-meal consumption. Maybe the Cheetos, too — they’re awesome, of course, but I don’t know how they’d be if they got soggy. You could decorate the dish with the Cheetos and Oreos, to make it look fancy and expensive.

  4. Beppo

    Let’s add some chipotle sauce to it. If you want it to look fancy, you could drizzle it on top. (But fancy-looking is not required; actually, just seeing potatoes, cheese, and bacon together will look good to me.)

  5. MangoMan

    definitely on the right track. softfried taters, (or possibly tator tots or hashbrown taters) piled into a bowl, add ample amounts of bacon and shredded cheese. maybe pour in a tub of sour cream along with a stick or two of real butter. chop in an onion and maybe a bell pepper. then dice up a kielbasa sausage and add it and possibly a jalepeno pepper. mix this up and either bake in a casserole dish or scoop out make a bunch of little ‘tater salad’ balls and roll these around in some bisquick and then deep fry in bacon grease and sprinkle with real bacon bits.

  6. Thomas Wayne

    Yet another time when bacon saves the day!

    Someone should definitely take these ideas and do some “research” — i.e., bring it to the next Buffet o’ Bacon event. If this turns out as good as expected, you could charge admission and people will pay. (They may “pay” later also if MangoMan brings his with the bacon grease… AWW-RIGHT!)

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