the ultimate potato salad
Recently I had several home-cooked Thanksgiving meals, and for there were lots of great traditional foods — turkey, ham, dressing, mashed potatoes, etc. But there is one traditional food that I just don’t understand — potato salad (or as some say, tater salad). Actually, let me call it “food”, because I’m not convinced it’s edible.
Normally I’m all about potatoes, in just about any capacity, but why ruin it with pickles and mustard? I just don’t get it. We’ve discussed at length that pickles are evil and should not be eaten. I don’t like eating mustard, but at least I can accept that some people like it. Pickles just aren’t food. Even just the smell of them is repulsive.
Fortunately my in-laws realized my dislike of it and left some of the mashed potatoes uncorrupted for my consumption this year. So props to them for that.
But why ruin good potatoes in such a manner when there are so many better uses for them? Nonetheless, I understand how tradition and nostalgia is important, especially this time of year, so if potato salad is a tradition that many people feel should be continued, let’s revamp it.
So here and now, let’s invent a new-and-much-improved “potato salad” (if one must exist). First off, no pickles or mustard. Let’s just start with mashed potatoes (with butter and milk, of course), then add cheese and bacon. Or we could go with bacon and gravy. (Or all 3 if you feel adventurous.) This will be a hundred times better than regular potato salad! (Actually, I’m not sure I could even put a number on the comparison, since in its traditional form it is inedible to me.)
If we make this change, it might be culture shock to a few people, but once they try it, there’s no going back. People will forget about the previous version, and everyone will be happier for it! If it makes you sad that family members will no longer say things like, “Grandma Bottlestopper made the best tater salad”, realize that now people will say YOU make the best potato salad. YOUR recipe will be written into the legends of Thanksgiving cooking, to be discussed for generations to come. How will you feel about that?
If you have any additional suggestions or have done research on this topic, feel free to share. Together we could invent the world’s best potato salad recipe.