What I am about to show you may scare you. If you are prone to losing control of your bowels, you should close your browser before you scroll down the page and learn about this horrific mutation of pure incarnate evil that I happened across in New York City on a recent vacation there.
(Don’t say I didn’t warn you…)
This reduced-size picture doesn’t really do it justice. Click on it for a larger version (if you dare). Notice the sheer size of this thing! It’s easily at least 12 feet tall, if not more. It’s obviously releasing some toxic fumes into the atmosphere, and it’s leaking some dangerous chemicals onto the ground. Notice the smoke has already started peeling the bark off the tree nearby, starting the tree’s torturous journey to death. One of the people in the background is starting to cover his face, before he dies. Note that I blurred out their faces, to protect the stupid. They should know better than to get that close to such an evil force. But just trust me that once they realized their folly they had extreme shock and horror on their faces. Only crime-fighting superheroes with authentic super powers should attempt to get this close to these evil alien invaders, and it’s still recommended that they use a camera with high-powered zoom to take these kind of surveillance photos. (Don’t even ask me how I acquired this — it’s top secret and stuff.)
Now, some of you might not’ve known that road cones are evil. That’s understandable, because the mass media has its biases, and they control much of what you see and hear in the world of news. (And trust me, most of them are not fair and balanced.) Here at Buffet o’ Blog, we are not afraid of the aliens’ threats, because we are protected by real superheroes, so we’re reporting this breaking story. These cones are part of a plot by aliens to take over the world. Sure, they sometimes look innocent, but think about how they are invading cities and blocking escape routes on interstates. They are showing up all over the place! Many of you live in cities that are surrounded by these evil cones and you didn’t even realize it. Well, now you know, but in this case knowing might not be half the battle. We have to do something.
Think hard on this the next time you see a traffic cone sitting around, seemingly doing nothing, looking abandoned. What is it really there for?