We here at Buffet o’ Blog have been able to secure an exclusive interview with the Important Evil Genius (E.D). We were finally able to acquire his direct phone number and e-mail address, which of course is not listed. His normal 900-number is not free, and you usually end up talking to his minions for a long time, then being put on hold and having to listen to Yanni, and it’s simply torturous. (Before you ask, he gave us strict orders that we are not to freely share his contact information. So, um, if you send us some money, then it’s not free… hint hint)
He’s been a regular commenter here for a long time, and he has usually stirred up controversy, so we figured he’d be a good candidate for our first-ever interview.
Let’s start with the basics : What’s your real name and where are you from? Evil Important Genius… I didn’t add the E.D until I finished my doctorate back in the 50’s.
Since you got your doctorate in the 1950s, aren’t you somewhat concerned that modern technology has surpassed some of your expertise? Oh not at all… I like to stay on the cutting edge of things concerning my career. In fact most students pursuing the E.D discipline will note that many of the texts that they study were in fact written by myself or other close colleagues of mine.
What are your hobbies? Aside from World Domination I enjoy the occasional trip into the countryside to enslave Furry Woodland creatures to do my bidding.
Do you have any pets? No, only pet peeves… does that count?
You mentioned that you like cartoons. We here at Buffet o’ Blog do too, and we encourage our readers to watch them. What are your favorite cartoons? Oh where to start? I currently have 38 cartoon channels on expanded (mostly) legal cable. I don’t like much of the new stuff though. But I’m all about some Looney Tunes and Scooby Doo. I hear Mr. Destructo likes Superfriends… mostly because of Aquaman I hear…
Do you play video games? If so, what is your favorite one? Well I’m so good at all of them it’s hard to pick just one. I’m a bit partial to Pong… but I still enjoy the occasional game of Space Invaders and Pitfall. In fact I designed the entrance to my Fortress after that game.
What’s your favorite post or feature on Buffet o’ Blog? That would be the occasions that I discredit Mr. Destructo… showing his ineptness and inexperience puts a smile on my face every time.
Some of the staff here at Buffet o’ Blog had an idea of making a movie that stars two mad scientists competing to conquer/destroy the world first. Would you be interested in participating in that, should the movie ever come to fruition? While I am a great fan of the moving pictures and would enjoy the novelty of seeing myself in one, I don’t really see why that would be necessary when I in the process of conquering the world for real. Now if someone wanted to do a documentary on me then I suppose I might be interested.
What is your best invention? Oh, that’s a good question… I have many that are awesome and powerful beyond most mortal comprehension, but my favorite has to be a party gag I put together back in college. I call it the Diarrhea gun! 🙂 In short it emits an ultrasonic burst of sound waves (using the elusive “brown note“) that will liquidize anything in someone’s intestinal tract… resulting in instantaneous diarrhea.
Uhh, let me note that this is not a party, so you can keep that gag at home, please. We’ll just take your word on that. Now let’s get down to the serious stuff. You’ve talked about world domination… when did you decide you wanted to rule the world and why? I’m not sure there was ever a “defining” moment that I recall that happening. I think it was more societal pressure than anything else. I mean, with a name like Important Evil Genius what ELSE are you going to pursue for a career… surprisingly the options are rather limited.
Do you actually have the technology to destroy the world, and would you really go through with it? Of course I have the technology… and if pressed I suppose I would go through with it but only after moving my base of operations to the moon or some other planet. I’m really hesitant to do so though as those other locations tend to lack the same type of “atmosphere” that I’m partial to here on Earth.
If you ever get to rule the world, how would things be different? I wouldn’t change too much… obviously I’d be hailed as supreme commander of the universe, but I’d still have people under me to take care of the everyday mundane details that I wouldn’t want to be bothered with. That way I could still sleep in each morning.
You seem to feud often with Mr. Destructo on this blog, despite your similar goals. Do you know him personally, and do you actually have something against him or do you just not like the competition? I honestly don’t have a problem with him except that he has strayed from some of the time-honoured traditions put in place to make world domination more satisfying. He seems to think he can just take a short-cut in order to win… where’s the fun in that? It’s like someone playing and beating a video game, but in order to win they used all the cheat codes so they can’t be harmed and to jump levels… where’s the fun in that? I for one wouldn’t be bragging about that.
There’s been several jokes about your age. Exactly how old are you? I’ll just suffice it to say that my social security number is not in the single digits… I like to think I’m just hitting my prime.
Are you retired, or do you plan to ever retire? Some days I’m more tired than others… but retired? Nah… I love my work too much.
Did you lose any important equipment when your secret lair in the volcano was discovered and raided? (sigh) not this again… contrary to your information my secret lair has not been discovered nor raided… Now, the ordeal with the pizza boy in Bolivia… that was a shame… but the last laugh shall be mine… I have reports that my legions of furry woodland creatures now know where he is.
Will you be moving your secret lair again, now that the one in Bolivia was discovered? If so, where to? It is true that I will be closing down my office in Bolivia and moving my head of operations to one of my other secret lairs… obviously I can’t tell you where or it wouldn’t be a secret.
What do you want your legacy to be? I simply want to be recognized for world power that I am… NATO has nothing on me!
That concludes our interview. For the record, the Important Evil Genius freely participated in our interview, and seemed like a nice fellow (except for the whole “destroying the world” thing). If anyone has any other questions for him, feel free to ask them in the comments section below. He frequents this blog in his free time, and perhaps he will answer other questions, too.