viewer mail, issue #6

It’s time for another installment of viewer mail.  Once again, we will look at actual search terms people used to find this site.  (We still don’t have a form setup for you to submit your questions…  our lead designer acquired a Nintendo Wii and hasn’t had much free time lately.)  This is what people like you are searching for, believe it or not.  So let’s get to it, and perhaps we can help you with what you’re interested in.

  • building my own time machine — That’s a noble idea, but there’s a flaw in the slaw.  There are some parts you need, such as a transgalactic time discombobulator, that just aren’t available yet.  If you can somehow get your future self to go back in time to our current time with the parts you need, then you can accomplish this.  But without such intervention, you’re probably out of luck.  Well, unless you’re a super-genius and can build the parts yourself, but then you probably wouldn’t be searching with such a generic phrase.
  • how to be a ninja — I’m afraid there aren’t any shortcuts to this, if you want to be an authentic ninja.  Of course you can put on a black ninja outfit and pretend to be one, but everyone will see through your facade.  I wish there was an easy way to acquire this status, but I don’t know of one.  You will have to train really hard for many years.  (Perhaps we should start a ninja training school that offers a two-year degree with part-time study via correspondence, where you can become an official ninja from the comfort of your own home.)
  • how to get super powers — This has been a popular search phrase, and rightly so.  Who wouldn’t like to have super powers?  I sure would!  So I’ll try to answer your question.  It’s rather difficult to get super powers, which is probably a good thing, or there would be much chaos in the world (because some people would use them for evil, while others are just clumsy and would make a huge mess).  One way is to be born from another planet and when you come to Earth, you get super powers from our sun or our atmosphere.  Or perhaps your race is just naturally superior to humans and then when you come here, people think you’re all that, when on your home planet you were merely normal.  Another option is to be involved in some type of nuclear accident.  Obviously this has some inherent dangers involved, in that it will likely kill you.  But, according to the historical archives (movies and comics), falling into a pit of radioactive ooze can sometimes give you super powers.  Alternatively, the safest method of becoming a superhero is to collect and master high-tech devices.  Batman did this, as well as the bad guy on The Incredibles, Syndrome.  This is costly and requires a high degree of skill, but is possible.  (Hope this helps!)
  • cool — Yep, someone searched for “cool” and found this blog.  It is more evidence that this site is cool.  You know it!
  • scorpioneating scorpions side effects — Hmm… let’s start with the knowledge that some scorpions are poisonous.  Also, all of them have stingers on their tail, which I would not recommend putting in your mouth.  Even if they are dead and cooked, I still don’t think it’s a good idea to eat them.  However, as we discussed in a previous post, some restaurants consider them an “exotic food” and will serve them to you (for $30!).  I consider this a rip-off.  Even if you can eat them and survive, there’s no way it’s as good as biscuits and gravy with fried chicken.  Just no way…
  • +”dog poop” +”text sucker” — Somebody searched for this on Christmas day last month.  I certainly don’t have a problem with randomness, even on Christmas day, but this seems odd.  I figure most people are visiting their family and eating lots of food and playing with their new presents on Christmas, yet somebody is searching for dog poop.  I don’t know…  Anyway, we do have the answer you were probably looking for — it’s called Net Disaster.  It’s fun to play around with.
  • seibu lions stadium upgrade — They got their $51.1 million, so now they can upgrade their stadium in a big way!  We recently had an interesting discussion about that, specifically concerning the $6.02 million they plan to spend on “upgrading restrooms”.  We had some really good ideas, I think.  Click here to check it out.

That’s all for this issue.  Until next time, I’m Beppo.  🙂

7 thoughts on “viewer mail, issue #6

  1. Beppo

    FYI, we had a friend in college who had a pet scorpion, which was named Arphaxad.

    (I can understand the misspellings in the previous posts, b/c it is an obscure name. It’s from Genesis 10 & 11. Arphaxad was one of the sons of Shem, who was one of the sons of Noah.)

  2. Thomas Wayne

    Uhh… is he like the second coming of the “Great White Ninja”? Although I don’t know if he meets the size requirements for that role. Either way, I’m not so sure that guy in the video is a real ninja. I think he used some of that trick photography to make his moves look faster. I could do that… not that I’d need to, y’know, but, just saying I could

    Maybe I am a ninja and you just don’t know it, because I’m so stealthy and stuff… have you ever thought about that? (Yeah, I hide it well… that’s part of being stealthy.)

  3. Buffet o' Blog Administrator

    That’s a good question… It was found somewhere on the Internet, that’s about as specific as I can tell you. Fortunately there are search engines available to ease your query. Also, you are welcome to use this picture, as it has no copyright to my knowledge.

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