the best way to get fired

What are the best ways to get fired from your job?

This is supposing you definitely don't want to ever work there again, and you want to leave behind a legacy (or legend) for yourself.  And this is hypothetical, so use your imagination and leave reality far behind.  What is the funniest thing you can imagine doing if you didn't care about keeping your job?

You get bonus points for creativity and uniqueness.

The only rule is that it must not be something that would get you put in prison.

21 thoughts on “the best way to get fired

  1. Beppo

    I’ll get this started… put laughing gas in the air vents. While that alone isn’t a really big deal, it can be combined with some of the soon-to-be-posted ideas for a hilarious effect.

  2. AGOC

    or just release gas into the intake vent. some will possibly laugh, others may cry. me, i’d probably just get fired………from a distance i’m sure!

  3. Kri'

    How about slacking all day long on the computer, writing up blog ideas, and encouraging other folks to respond to it, too…

    Sheesh – can’t a man work around here??! I’m trying to be a good little employee and I am tempted to be creative and write how I should be fired. The conflicts of interest are just too overwhelming… it’s too much.

    I think I shall go home early now and irresponsibly use my sick days until the weekend. Then, I will call in the following week and let my boss know that I wasn’t really sick last week, but this week I am, so can I please have those back and pretend like I didn’t use them last week. To pursuade the boss-man, I’ll even offer to answer my work phone if I’m not on the pot. That should make them satisfied…

  4. J Dub

    What about dressing up as the cop from The Village People, run into the boss’ office and say “Hello, I’m the local fire extinguisher system inspector” , then jump onto the desk and light a huge fart.

    Then, when the alarm fails to sound, say I can’t work in this unsafe environment and leave.

    After about 10-15 seconds, stop back by and ask for a raise.

  5. Beppo

    That’s definitely random! It kinda reminds me of Fire Marshall Bill (played by Jim Carrey) on “In Living Color”. He would test people’s fire systems by starting fires…

    Although I really wouldn’t want to be associated with The Village People. A Fire Marshall Bill routine would be much more funny (and even more likely to get you fired). “LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING!”

  6. Mango-Man

    I think a great idea would be to mess with the elevators… so no matter what button you hit it’d take you to a random floor. alternatively you could dress up like a ninja & throw ninja stars at everyone (okay… this would actually entail running around in spiderman pajamas throwing floppy disks & cds at people… some of those suckers can get some AIR)
    another Idea I believe to be destined for greatness would be to show up with a truck & shovel & proceed to dig up all the plants you can & toss them in the truck… if asked what you are doing innocently explain that you’re doing a bit of landscaping at your home & ran a little short on plants. 😀

  7. Crappo the Clown

    Two simple steps :
    1) poop
    2) fling it

    Hint: having a good, loud, evil laugh really adds to the effect.

  8. Fired-4-Life

    Make up an e-mail selling prescription drugs with your boss’s name in the subject line (so it won’t be immediately deleted as spam), something like this: Subject: (Bosses name here) endorses Thomas Wayne Online Pharmacy. Also, put a testimonial at the top of the e-mail body: “(Bosses name here) had this to say about the Thomas Wayne Online Pharmacy, “I never saw Viagara at such an affordable price. Thanks, Thomas Wayne!” Use your work e-mail address to send this around to everyone in the office including your boss and his wife without disguising it with an alias or junk e-mail address. Encourage people to forward this to at least 10 people for good luck and sign off with your name and job title like this:

    Thomas Wayne
    Cubicle Rat and Part-Time Online Pharmacist

  9. Mango-Man

    another idea (& of course I can’t condone this) is on a friday afternoon break into your bosses office… call a 900 #, leave the phone off the hook & go home for the weekend. oh… & be sure to leave a signed note on their desk explaining that you needed to use the phone.

  10. Mango-Man

    alternately… instead of shaking someones hand when you meet them you could resort to giving them a kick in the pants… it’d only be a matter of time till you are escorted fromt the premises.

    although in retrospect the dung-flinging idea mentioned above might be most effective and time-efficient method of being fired that’s been mentioned to date…

  11. Thomas Wayne

    I have a few ideas :

    * during the winter, prop the doors open overnight, put the A/C on the coldest setting, and bring in a snow machine to cover everything.

    * join conference calls, then fart into the phone and tell them you must have the wrong number. Or even better, keep ripping ’em and tell them they have the wrong number.

    * bring animals to work. You could start with squirrels, then work your way up to cows. It would be neat to see squirrels climbing the cubicle walls and jumping around. And put a cow in your boss’ office. It would also be interesting to put a cow in the bathroom…

    * put whoopie cushions inside everyone’s chair.

    * take over the intercom system and blare Yanni CDs on it at full volume. (Although your boss may get too sleepy to fire you.) Actually, Yanni music is too “politically correct”, so find some crazy music. You could also make your own announcements and/or commercials.

  12. Eric Archer

    Let your boss know that if he doesn’t fire you for unacceptable work performance ( wich is something that is covered by unemployment insurance) that you will cash out your 401k and send Mexicans after his family. Another good one is to call business’s after they close for the evening, leave a message on there answering machine stating your bosses’ name and give your work number and state the fact that you (pretending to be your boss) are interested in there services. The next day your work will a lot of calls for your boss, who will be clueless. Well, even more so than before that is.

  13. Thomas Wayne

    Yeah, leave a message at one of those places that helps with severe gas problems. Then when they call your boss back, he’ll think, “Oh, no! I thought my fan took care of that!” 🙂

  14. Beppo

    I know! I can answer this one!

    Work hard for years for this big corporation, putting in overtime when necessary, being on-call most of the time, being paid less than you should be, then when the company misses their quarterly numbers (again) because they can’t manage their own money, they have layoffs of hundreds of people (multiple times, mind you). So then people who get good reviews and do the work they are asked to do get laid-off. You don’t even have to do all the weird stuff discussed above.

  15. Poopsicle Man

    Here’s One: you go to work with a bottle of Turbo Lax,
    then just work until break time, Then drink half a bottle of it, then after the break is done you race into your bosses office and spray liquid crap into
    his office trash bin, then write a note saying that
    your sorry but you couldn’t find a bathroom (and sign your name). That should get you fired and you would create your own workplace Legend!!

  16. Say What?

    Regardless of how qualified you may be, the quickest way to get fired from a government position is to be associated with the previous administration.

  17. SuzyQ

    I’d “decorate” my bosses car with my name in mustard early in the morning on a nice hot sunny day,then just before da boss finshes for da day later in the evening, poke my nose into the office and say i decorated your car for you, hope you like it,c ya!and leave the building.
    By the way mustard stains and when its baked on it seeps into the paint work and is impossable to get out with out sanding back and re-painting the car.

  18. Somehow Still Employed

    Drink, get high and show up late to work every day. When asked why you are late, tell the boss you’re sorry but you were watching “Yes, Dear”. Use this excuse as often as possible. You’ll either get fired or you’ll get a raise for introducing your boss to the delightful sitcom.

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