caption contest, toilet abused

It’s time for a new caption contest!  This week, we’re going to feature a gross picture.   Be forewarned that some people might find this disturbing or even inappropriate.  It’s a picture of a toilet, with an abundance of poop and toilet paper in it.   And when I say abundance, I mean overflowing.  If you can’t stomach the grossness, then don’t scroll down to see the picture.

Before we get to that, I want to feature a short editorial rant on today’s subject matter (which also conveniently places the picture further down, to help certain people).  I realize that some people get offended at the mere mention of poop / feces, so the sight of it may be too much to handle.  But let’s look at it this way: you most likely see poop every single day.   So don’t act like your farts don’t stink, pretending that you’re too socially advanced and high-minded for such things.   Everyone poops.  It’s part of nature.

Now let’s address the issue of why there would be a picture of a toilet with poop in it, since everyone sees it every day anyway.  I don’t necessarily enjoy looking at poop, and you probably don’t either.  Well, this is what you call a caricature — a picture that exaggerates or distorts something, either for emphasis or entertainment.  So basically, this photo is humorous (to some) because it goes way beyond what is normal.   I realize that some people still might get offended despite my reasoning, so if that’s you, either go to another page, or press “Page Down” twice quickly, to avoid it.   You have been forewarned.

Finally, let’s get to the picture.   I realize there’s no people in it, so your caption (or craption, which might be more appropriate this time) can be for whoever finds this or whoever has to clean it up or just as general commentary / narrative.  Or if you can make a joke out of it, go ahead.  Just don’t use cuss words — this is still a family-friendly site, despite the grossness of this picture.

toilet-abused

You can click on the pic for a larger version, if you dare.

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

a new jack o’lantern for Halloween

Once again it’s the Halloween season.   Well, not really a season, because it’s just one day of trick-or-treat, but I suppose some folks do lots of decorating for it.  It seems like the “spooky” decorating is becoming more rampant each year.  But I digress…

Are you going to go to the most sincere pumpkin patch to wait for the Great Pumpkin?  Each Halloween night, he rises out of the pumpkin patch to scare little children, er, I mean, to give them candy and presents.  That’s what I hear anyway.  I haven’t ever been to one of those sincere pumpkin patches.  Maybe I’m not sensitive enough to know if one is sincere.  Whatever…  Let’s get to the point of this story…  I’m digressing again…

One Halloween holiday tradition I’m trying to get started is putting a flaming pumpkin of poop on someone’s front porch.  I mentioned this a while back, but it has yet to catch on for some reason.  I know, creating a jack-o-lantern out of poop is not ideal, so here’s an update (consider it version 2.0).  Take a standard jack o’lantern (however you want to spell it), and cover it with poop.  Take it to a friend’s porch.  Then you set it on fire.  It’s a guaranteed good time!

Some of the staff here voted and nominated Mango-Man’s house as the first place to try out this new Halloween decoration.  I’m sure it’ll draw trick-or-treaters to his house, with all the bright fire on his pumpkin.  He’ll have to let us know how it turns out.  🙂

viewer mail, issue #12

It’s been a while since we’ve opened the viewer mailbag, so let’s do this.  First, we’re going to answer an actual message sent to us via our contact form, by Neil:

very cool are you selling or anything?

Well, Neil, currently this blog is not for sale.  Though for enough money, we might consider it.  (We’ll entertain any offer, regardless of size, so don’t be afraid to ask.)  Also, we don’t currently sell any merchandise, although I’d like for that to change.  If we can come up with a cool logo, we could get some T-shirts printed, for all our super-fans to buy and wear proudly.  🙂

Now we’ll look at some of the search terms that have brought people to this blog.  These are actual search terms, not modified in any way.  We’re going to give you answers for what you are searching for.  🙂

  • how to tell a coworker they smell — There are a lot of possible methods for this, but if you want to be discreet and anonymous, you can write a note that says, “You smell like -> ” and put it next to a picture of poop.  Or, if you’re really bold, you can even put some real poop there — that will make a bolder statement and will surely give them something to think about.
  • buffet know-how — Are you looking for a tutorial on how to eat at restaurants with a buffet?  Honestly, I never thought one was necessary.  You just eat the food you like, in whatever quantities you want.  The only strategy is to eat fast if you want to maximize food consumption.  I suppose you could also consider which foods are more filling, but really, the purpose of a buffet is that you eat what you want.
  • what men do in bathrooms dynomite — While there are certain scenarios where creating explosions using dynamite would be fun in a bathroom, most of them are quite dangerous and probably illegal.  So usually there isn’t any dynamite being used — it just sounds like it.  🙂
  • bad farts cause headache — My research does not support this hypothesis.  Has anyone else done any research in this area?
  • cholesterol in wendy’s bacon hamburger — Are you referring to the infamous Baconator?  I know about it, because I ate one in the name of research.  🙂  If you want the nutritional information, you can get it easily enough.  Wendy’s is required to give you this information if you ask, and it’s on their website, but first you need to ask yourself if you really want to know.  I mean, you already know it’s not healthy — it’s a fast-food double cheeseburger with six strips of bacon on it.  If you’re wanting to eat healthy, you should not even be tempting yourself with looking up this information.
  • “ferment beans” — Why would you want to do that?  Are you trying to make an alcoholic beverage that tastes like beans and has the associated side-effects?  I don’t recommend it.  Or do you want to make refried beans that make you “tankered up” (drunk)?  Again, I don’t recommend this.
  • i think your super — Y’know, I’m not surprised this search term found me.  I’m super in more ways than you know.  But to whoever did that search, you might should work on your grammar — it’s not cool to use words incorrectly (unless it’s on purpose).
  • CRAYONS AND BLOOD PRESSURE — This seems random, but that’s what we specialize in here.  🙂  This phrase could be parsed a couple of different ways, so I will answer both.  1) Eating crayons probably doesn’t help your blood pressure, and it may make it worse because bad things might be going on inside your body while you digest and pass crayons.  Just don’t eat them.  The other alternative: 2) coloring with crayons can be relaxing, so that could help lower your blood pressure.  I know, coloring is often looked at as a children’s pastime, but it can still be fun, even for adults.  If you’re one of those thinking coloring is childish, YOU SHOULD QUIT BEING SO OLD!  Try it…

With that last piece of advice, I will wrap up this week’s issue of viewer mail.  (Ironically, this series isn’t published weekly, probably closer to monthly, but it could be done weekly because of all the visitors we have here.  But there’s so much other cool stuff to write on, that this series sometimes get neglected.  It’s like I just start typing and randomness overflows.  You may wonder why I don’t publish multiple times per day, then.  Well, I could, but I have stuff to do.  That is, I have a life (plus another blog).  If someone were to make donations, I could easily justify writing more.  But I digress…)

paper made from elephant poop

Did you know that some paper is made from elephant poop?  ‘Tis true!  It’s called “elephant dung paper”.  Who would’ve thought of doing this?  Here’s the story:

The man behind the paper is Mr. Wanchai. On his way home from work he used to pass a natural paper factory and was impressed at the simplicity of the process that used natural tree fibers to make high quality hand made paper. He then took a trip to the Thai Elephant Conservation Center in Lampang Northern Thailand and saw piles and piles of dung. He looked at the dung and noticed that the dung was very fibrous. This was the birth of the idea.

The next step was to take home a carload of dung to his house. His wife was amused and at this stage very patient. Try as he could he could not get the paper just right. He used the family food processor to cut the long fibers to a shorter length — his wife finally lost her patience.

I can see someone getting upset with putting poop in the food processor.  I’d be leery of using it for food ever again, no matter how much cleaning.  Anyway, as you might imagine, he eventually figured out the process, and now sells it.  You can read more at the official website: the history of Elephant Dung Paper.

This is good for the environment, I reckon — they’re taking waste and making a useful product with it.  And each elephant produces enough poop for about 115 sheets of paper a day.

That isn’t the only company that does this, either.  There’s another one that makes “Poo Poo Paper“.  They use “naturally dried elephant dung”, then they rinse it off, then put it in boiling water, then add some fruit fibers, then separate it into “cakes” or “wafers”, and then let it dry.  They can make about 25 large sheets of paper from one turd.

Would you buy Poo Poo Paper or Elephant Dung Paper to help save the environment?