Tag: funny

Mike Huckabee is Chuck Norris approved

If you haven’t heard yet, presidential candidate Mike Huckabee is now “Chuck Norris Approved”.  Here’s the video.  This is one of the coolest commercials ever.

It’s very rare to see a politician who actually has a sense of humor.  But the overall message isn’t a joke — Chuck Norris has actually endorsed Mike Huckabee.

If only Huckabee would make Chuck Norris the secretary of defense or something like that…

the special days of November, pt 2

Here’s part 2 of our analysis of the special holidays in November.  Now on to the individual days that are holidays in November :

  • 2 Look for Circles Day — Uhh… who thought of this?  But I reckon some people care about this sort of thing, so I’ll help you get started.  oOoOoOoOoO  🙂  Actually, when you look for something specific that we tend to overlook like a certain shape or color, it helps you see things differently.  So it might not be such a bad idea after all.
  • 4 National Candy Day — It seems odd to have this a few days after Halloween, when everyone eats all kinds of candy, but so it goes.  Obviously, you should eat lots of candy this day.  Have fun!
  • 5 National Donut Day — Since this is an important holiday and stuff, you should go all out.  I recommend visiting a Krispy Kreme store that makes the doughnuts (donuts) there, and get one that just came off the conveyor belt.  Trust me on this — it’s awesome.  It’s so soft and sweet, and it almost melts in your mouth.  Also suggested is to get some chocolate-filled donuts.  Mmm…
  • 6 Marooned without a Compass Day — I’d recommend you not attempt this — it may turn into more than just one day.  Who thinks up these things?  Perhaps it was some bitter sailor who was stranded on an island for a long time, living with monkeys and eating coconuts, and he wants others to relate to his plight.
  • 7 Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day — This one is self-explanatory : EAT IT.
  • 7 Hug-a-Bear Day — They didn’t specify whether this is about teddy bears or real bears.  But for your own safety, you should limit this to your teddy bear.  And also for your own safety, you should do this only when you’re at home… by yourself… and then only if you must.
  • 13 Sadie Hawkins Day — I don’t know if anyone still celebrates this or not, but I found out some interesting trivia about it.  It started in a cartoon by Al Capp in the 1930s.  In the cartoon, the mayor of Dogpatch was desperate to marry off his ugly daughter.  So he created this day, where single women chase single men.  The men are given a short head start, and if the woman catches her man, he has to marry her.  I don’t recommend participating in this one, for obvious reasons.
  • 13 Mom’s and Dad’s Day — What?  They’ve already got major holidays, each.  So what’s the point of this?
  • 15 Great American Smokeout — This is a day to quit smoking.  You don’t have to wait until this holiday, though. Smokers should stop TODAY.  I realize it’s difficult, but the grace of God can empower you to overcome it.  (Sorry for the momentary seriousness.  Consider it a public service announcement courtesy of Buffet o’ Blog.  Besides, if smokers quit, it will make the world a better place.)
    teddy bear in grass
  • 16 Have a Party With Your Bear Day — Didn’t we just have something like this on the 7th?  I glanced online to see what was said about this day, and it’s kinda shocking : “What a swell day it is going to be!  You get to have a party.  And, you get to spend time with your Teddy Bear.  I bet you can’t think of anything that is more fun!!  Get out the party banners and balloons.  Make a cake.  Send out the invitations.  Invite all of your teddy bears, and your human friends, too.  Let them bring their teddys along.  Today is going to be a fun day.”  Uhh… are they serious?  I bet I could find quite a few things more fun than serving cake to a teddy bear.  But to each their own…
  • 17 Homemade Bread Day — Now here’s something good!  If you haven’t ever had freshly baked homemade bread, you are missing out!  While it’s baking, it creates a great aroma that fills your house, making everyone hungry.  Some of you may be thinking, “It’s just bread”, but don’t dis’ it until you’ve tried it.  And here’s the day to try it.
  • 17 Take A Hike Day — Sounds reasonable.  But wait until you’ve finished reading this and left a comment.  🙂
  • 17 World Peace Day — I think some countries didn’t get the memo.  It’s a noble idea, but it needs more promotion.
  • 19 Have a Bad Day Day — Who thought of this?  I refuse to participate in such tomfoolery!
  • 20 Absurdity Day — Maybe this is the proper day for farting into the phone during a conference call at work.  It would certainly be absurd and illogical.  And then you could tell your boss why you did it, that it’s for a holiday and it makes the workplace more festive and stuff.
  • 21 False Confession Day — I’m building a life-size replica of the Death Star.  And when I get bored, I build suspension bridges in my backyard.  Oh, and the laws of physics don’t apply to me.
  • 22 Thanksgiving Day — You know about this one already.  Give thanks for all the blessings God has given us, including the great freedoms we enjoy in America.  Oh, and of course we should be thankful for turkey and dressing, ham, mashed taters, macaroni & cheese, sweet tea, pecan pie, chocolate chip cookies, etc.  🙂
  • 23 Buy Nothing Day — This holiday is always the day after Thanksgiving, but retailers seem to have not gotten the memo.  Maybe it used to be the case, and that’s why there’s all these huge sales.  This day is also known as Black Friday.
  • 25 National Parfait Day — A parfait is a dessert made of several layers of different flavors of ice cream, among other things.  I’m not sure of the best place to get one, but if you don’t know where to buy one, just eat some ice cream, and you can layer in some Oreos with it.  Improvise if you have to.
  • 26 National Cake Day — Eat cake… lots of cake.
  • 30 Stay At Home Because You Are Well Day — Ahh, an excuse to not work.  That’s all you’ve got to say for me!  This is a good idea, I think.  Sometimes we need a day off of work just to relax and do fun stuff.

There you have it.  November has lots of special days, something for everyone.  Now I’ll end my rambling.  Any of you reading this are encouraged to share your thoughts, opinions, or analysis in the comments section.  Surely you’ve got some thoughts on all this…

quotes about birthdays

The founder of Buffet o’ Blog had a birthday this week, so I figured it would be a good time to write a post containing quotes about birthdays.  There’s a few original ones in here that you’ve never seen or heard before (which means this is the first time ever they’ve been published).  This first quote is one of my favorites, now that I’ve passed 30 and some of my friends like to call me old…  🙂

Birthdays are good for you.  Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

Men should always remember their woman’s birthday but never her age.

I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

Now there’s a new organization of ladies who say that they want to pay their own way on dates; who say that they don’t expect expensive gifts on their birthdays; and they say that they don’t want men to give them their seats on the bus.  The group’s called “Women’s Fib.”

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.  I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. ~ Steven Wright

There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~ John Glenn, on retiring at 75

For my birthday, all I want is more time and more sleep and the death of all alarm clocks. Is that too much to ask? 🙂 ~ Karen S., 11/12/01

Today, when I throw away a musical birthday card, I am tossing out more computer power than existed in the entire world in 1948.

You could stop in long enough to bring a gift.  I like size large boxers*, chocolates, Crest White strips (skrips), Joop cologne, cash in varying denominations, tv dinners, tube sox, Brill Cream, chocolate pies and yard rakes.  I EZ to pleez.  *(no use one!) ~ PB, about his birthday dinner at “West Sizz”, 11/25/02

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday.  That time is age eleven.

If today is the first day of the rest of your life, that would make today your birthday.  Happy birthday.

Today I turned 24.  I’m assuming it’s not much different than 23.  Anyways, I just miss the birthday parties at McDonalds and Chucky-Cheese’s.  The good ole days… where Nintendo ruled supreme and Super Mario Bros was a way of life. ~ DaVinci, from Digifreq.com

I’ve had a lot of birthdays — well, not a lot of birthdays, but this is the best birthday ever. ~ Celia, from Monsters, Inc.

I’m now 25.  I’m legal to do everything now.  I feel so relieved.  I can now rent a car without paying an under-age penalty.  However, before 25, I could buy a house, buy a car, get married, have a child, etc, etc, but I couldn’t rent a car without paying an extra age fee.  I think it’s hilarious.  So what did we do on my birthday?  We went to Wal-Mart. ~ Chris Davis, 1/19/06

Happy birthday!  May you not feel as old as you look. ~ Thomas Wayne, 2/25/06

I think we should “celebrate” someone’s birthday by covering their cube in cheese dip. ~ Mango-Man, 6/15/06

In dog-years you’d be dead. ~ Nelson B., about my birthday, 10/31/06

Can you feel the love in that last one?  Me, neither.  But at least the dis’ was creative.

BTW, I realize that getting older is not so big a deal once you get out of your teens, and you may not even care to think about your age (and you’d probably rather your friends would forget about it), but your birthday is nonetheless a great excuse to go eat a lot of pizza or nachos or whatever you want.  I’m thinking Larry’s Pizza is a great place to go for this, with their endless buffet of pizza — and not just one-topping pizzas, but lots of specialty pizzas.  And they even bring the food to your table.  Mmm…  You just can’t go wrong with that…

viewer mail, issue #9

Welcome to another issue of our infamous viewer mail series.  Like in previous issues, we will look at actual search terms that people used to find this blog, then we will provide advice, answers, or humor that corresponds with what you were looking for.  (And this is open to your questions, too — just use our contact us form to send us any question you’d like an answer to, and we’ll come up with something.)  Let us begin.

  • chimpanzeewhy are chimpanzees smarter then humans? — Uhh, they’re not.  However, if you believe that, maybe they are smarter than some humans…  😮
  • ice cream buffet — I’ve never heard of one, but that sounds like a good idea.  And in addition to having many varieties of ice cream out there, of course there should also be lots of different toppings to choose from and mix in, like crumbled Oreos, Butterfinger chunks, hot fudge, caramel, graham cracker crumbs, etc.  I think somebody should make this happen.
  • how does the moon belch? — You’ve got me on this one.  I can say that I’ve never thought about this before, and I don’t know.  It would be really weird if the moon did belch or fart, because it would probably be very loud, and we might even hear it on the earth.  On a slightly more serious note, to answer your question, if it has any active volcanoes, then perhaps that’s how, but I don’t know of any.  However, there is the backside of the moon, which we don’t see, so perhaps there’s some clues on that side.
  • interesting facts to read while on toilet — There are a lot of good books and magazines out there for reading in such conditions, and comics are great for that also.  Another suggestion would be to print out some articles from this blog.  The free-for-all stories are good (just click on the title of each one to get all the comments, so you get the whole story), and there’s a page with lots of toilet facts (which would be appropriate, although some might give you pause), and there’s a few posts that have a lot of discussion in the comments (see here for starters).
  • nuclear scorpion — There’s been a lot of searches related to scorpions recently, and I wonder what all the hype / buzz is about.  Perhaps the next Godzilla movie will feature a nuclear scorpion.  (Has he ever fought one?)  So maybe this is from a leaked movie script, or it could be just some crazy conspiracy theory, or maybe my warnings about Turkey Point were prophetic.  I don’t know which it is, but I’m curious also.  If anyone knows why scorpions are so popular now, let me know in the comments.
  • flush toilet into air 10 feet away tooth — Hmm… how should I interpolate this one?  Did the toilet water (and waste) shoot 10 feet into the air when you flushed it and got on your teeth?  Ugh!  Let’s hope that’s not what you’re talking about, because that’s downright stank-nasty!  Generally, you want your toilet to flush downward, taking the poop and other excrement away from you.  If it’s going into the air, then your toilet is malfunctioning.  On a side note, if your whole toilet exploded and shot up in the air, that would be kinda cool, but you’d rather that not happen at your home or while anyone is nearby.
  • moon backside nasa — See, it’s not just me who thinks there may be something going on at the backside of the moon!  Because we can’t see the back of the moon, NASA (or some other space agency) could be having underground operations there without even having to go underground.  There could be something nefarious going on there, so we need to check it out for ourselves.  Do we have any volunteers to secretly go to the moon and investigate?  If you find something, we’ll film it, and it’ll make a great movie, perhaps even winning a Nobel Peace Prize (since Al Gore has lowered the bar so low with his documentary).  Who’s interested in going?

That’s all for this issue.  Feel free to discuss any of these topics in the comments.