A lot of people these days are trying to quit smoking, and rightly so, because it’s stupid.  But we understand it’s difficult to quit sometimes, because stupidity with momentum can be tough to stop, unfortunately. So we here at Buffet o’ Blog have devised a new product that’s guaranteed to help you stop smoking.  (Yes, you read that right — guaranteed!)  Available exclusively here, we introduce the explosive sweater.  If it comes in contact with fire or ashes, it doesn’t just burn — it explodes!  And so cigarette smoking is extremely dangerous, therefore strongly encouraging you to not smoke.  Because if you smoke while wearing this sweater, you will surely die.  (And you don’t want to do that yet.)

It’s available in a few different colors and styles, to accomodate most people.  There’s a “business casual” version, for the business person.  There’s a solid orange one for trendy students who want attention.  There’s a dookie brown one with a couple of orange horizontal stripes for those stuck in the ’70s.  There’s a hypercolor version for those stuck in the ’80s.  And there’s a solid black one for you “cool” folks.  Also, it comes in two sizes :

* One size fits most.

* Man, you sho’ are fat!

If you are really skinny, we haven’t forgotten about you — just buy the regular size and shrink it in the dryer.  And then you can make it fit custom — shrink-to-fit.  (See, we’ve thought of everything!)

They will be available any day now, so start sending us your money now.  Be sure to order plenty so you won’t have days where you can get away with a smoke.  They also make great gifts!

Like all products these days, there’s some fine print :

Warning: May cause death.

Look for our upcoming ads in popular magazines and on TV, with our new slogan : “Guaranteed to keep you from smoking… or else.”