creating our own space laser inator

In the last post we talked about creating an explosion on the Moon.  The story ended with us lamenting the lack of funds to do such things.  It would cost millions of dollars just to create one explosion on the Moon, which is quite extravagant and wasteful.  So one of our resident genii (geniuses) suggested we build an “inator” that would accomplish this goal and be self-funding.  Why didn’t NASA think of that?

So we’re gonna build a giant solar-powered space laser.  Who hasn’t dreamed of carving their name into the moon with a giant space laser?  Not only could you customize the moon’s appearance — and sell advertising spots on it for large sums of money — but there would be many potential uses for a space laser, some of which would pay lucratively.

Burninating the countryside…

One obvious application is trying to takeover the world with it, like a classic James Bond villain.  (I think Cobra of G.I. Joe has tried that, too.)  But hopefully owning a giant space laser wouldn’t turn you evil.  (It takes a certain mentality to be a mad scientist / evil genius.  It’s not for everyone.  And that’s a good thing.)

You could use it for good also.  Here’s a few ideas:

* If someone needed to destroy a building but an explosion is too dangerous, you could melt it down with your space laser.
* If you’re camping and you don’t want to wait on a campfire to cook your food, use your giant laser — that is, if you can program it to the right power level.
* Of course there are obvious military applications.
* If someone wants to install a moat around their house, using a laser would be a lot easier than digging it out manually.
* If you can set it to “stun”, you could use it to deter bullies, thieves, neighborhood pets who poop in your yard, etc. This would also be great for practical jokes.
* If you could somehow make it look like lightning, have the remote for that functionality setup to fire whenever you say your name dramatically.  There are plenty of catch-phrases that could also be applied to.
* Use it to rid the world of evil pickles.
* You could protect the Earth from asteroids, meteors, and space junk (debris).  You could also make this into a real-life Asteroids game, which would be awesome.

I’m sure there are many other practical (or not-so-practical) applications.  I’d like to hear your ideas, so feel free to leave a comment.

5 thoughts on “creating our own space laser inator

  1. MangoMan

    hold on! you state “If you can set it to “stun”, you could use it to deter bullies, thieves, neighborhood pets who poop in your yard, etc.” … you have bullies, thieves, and neighborhood pets pooping in your yard? I’m glad I don’t live if your community. sounds harsh!

    1. Thomas Wayne

      You’d be surprised how many people poop in your yard! Especially if you get on one of those green yard chain letters! How do you unsubscribe?!?

      BTW, in a twist of irony, you once threatened to take a dump in my kitchen when my house was being built… 😮 So if you talk of pooping in other people’s yards, yet downplay it when someone else mentions it… Me thinks thou protests too much.

      1. MangoMan

        I said i’m glad I don’t LIVE there… I never said i didn’t make the occasional trip to take a dump in your yard 🙂

  2. Thomas Wayne

    If I had a space laser, I’d use it when we build that giant straw Christmas goat at Mango-Man’s house. I’d have the remote hidden, and I’d have some theatrics planned, with music and fireworks and an impressive speech, then have fire shoot down from the sky to consume it. That would be awesome! People would pay to see this, and we’d probably get free news coverage.

  3. Pingback: caption contest, space laser shooting house « Buffet o' Blog

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