creating our own space laser inator

In the last post we talked about creating an explosion on the Moon.  The story ended with us lamenting the lack of funds to do such things.  It would cost millions of dollars just to create one explosion on the Moon, which is quite extravagant and wasteful.  So one of our resident genii (geniuses) suggested we build an “inator” that would accomplish this goal and be self-funding.  Why didn’t NASA think of that?

So we’re gonna build a giant solar-powered space laser.  Who hasn’t dreamed of carving their name into the moon with a giant space laser?  Not only could you customize the moon’s appearance — and sell advertising spots on it for large sums of money — but there would be many potential uses for a space laser, some of which would pay lucratively.

Burninating the countryside…

One obvious application is trying to takeover the world with it, like a classic James Bond villain.  (I think Cobra of G.I. Joe has tried that, too.)  But hopefully owning a giant space laser wouldn’t turn you evil.  (It takes a certain mentality to be a mad scientist / evil genius.  It’s not for everyone.  And that’s a good thing.)

You could use it for good also.  Here’s a few ideas:

* If someone needed to destroy a building but an explosion is too dangerous, you could melt it down with your space laser.
* If you’re camping and you don’t want to wait on a campfire to cook your food, use your giant laser — that is, if you can program it to the right power level.
* Of course there are obvious military applications.
* If someone wants to install a moat around their house, using a laser would be a lot easier than digging it out manually.
* If you can set it to “stun”, you could use it to deter bullies, thieves, neighborhood pets who poop in your yard, etc. This would also be great for practical jokes.
* If you could somehow make it look like lightning, have the remote for that functionality setup to fire whenever you say your name dramatically.  There are plenty of catch-phrases that could also be applied to.
* Use it to rid the world of evil pickles.
* You could protect the Earth from asteroids, meteors, and space junk (debris).  You could also make this into a real-life Asteroids game, which would be awesome.

I’m sure there are many other practical (or not-so-practical) applications.  I’d like to hear your ideas, so feel free to leave a comment.

creating an explosion on the Moon

I saw where somebody searched for “explosion on the moon” and found this blog, which we have talked about so that’s not surprising.  But I was curious if there was a specific explosion that someone is searching for info about.  So I did a quick search and found several links about asteroids / meteorites crashing into the Moon, which has happened countless times.  But then I saw a link where NASA was planning to trigger a massive explosion on the moon to search for ice.

NASA is preparing to launch the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite, which will fly a Centaur rocket booster into the moon, triggering a six-mile-high explosion that scientists hope will confirm whether water is frozen in the perpetual darkness of craters near the moon’s south pole.

Flying a rocket into the moon at 5,600 mph to create an explosion is cool!  Where do I get that kind of job?

Actually, since nobody owns the moon, technically it wouldn’t be against the law to create your own explosions on the moon, right?  Of course, that would require money and technology we don’t yet possess, but we can dream, right?  🙂

NASA found extraterrestrial life – what now?

NASA announced last week that extraterrestrial life has been found… in California.  If you’re expecting a big, scary alien, you’re going to be massively disappointed.  It’s just some microscopic bacteria living in mud by a lake.  Although, as one scientist on TV pointed out, they look like potatoes if you zoom in enough.

Although, if evolution were true, then that bacteria could develop a brain and a body, and it might eventually enslave us all.   So maybe we should wipe it out now, while we are more evolved than it.  We might not have millions of years — some things mutate faster than others.  I’ve seen “documentaries” that show how crazy such things can get.  And you know the scientists that have this bacteria will expose it to all kinds of chemicals in their testing, and what if that’s all part of the plan?  What if a certain element on Earth gives it superpowers like Superman?  Someone has to consider these things…

Actually, we might need to fear more than just the aliens themselves.  What if some power-starved human or wild animal decides to join forces?  They might eat or absorb this alien life force and mutate into some super-human being!  What if they get super powers because of it?  The time to act is now!  And so we need a government grant to research and contain this.   I figure a few billion dollars would be sufficient — you can’t be too careful!

I know, some of you may wonder if the Buffet o’ Blog staff is qualified for such a task.  The answer is MOST DEFINITELY!  We would have the best weaponry possible, and we would contain (and potentially destroy) this alien life form.  We would also develop numerous “worst case” scenarios, along with the best plan of offense and defense.  And to test such systems before they are needed, we would run thousands of advanced computer simulations of us defending off alien invasions.  We are obviously the right people for this job.  So if the government will just send the necessary funds our way, we can get started on this most important task.

Somebody has to save the world…

pee in space

First, look at this picture:

space pee

What do you think that is?  Obviously the article name is a clue.  The space shuttle Discovery recently released 150 pounds of astronaut urine and waste water into space.  Apparently space regulations ban astronauts from dumping waste water at the International Space Station, so they wait until they undock before releasing their excrement waste.

There’s a little more info and another picture at this link: Space Shuttle Unleashes Magnificent Plume of Pee.

If you missed seeing it, a NASA spokeswoman said it’s a fairly common sighting.  While it looks cool, it seems like there’s probably a better way for dumping that kind of waste…  Hopefully it all burns up, but I don’t know.  I do know that you don’t want to think about it too much…