protecting the earth from asteroids

The thought of an asteroid crashing into the earth and causing the end of humanity ought to be important, and NASA says they could find all the potential offending asteroids except that they don’t have enough money for it.

NASA officials say the space agency is capable of finding nearly all the asteroids that might pose a devastating hit to Earth, but there isn’t enough money to pay for the task so it won’t get done. … “We know what to do, we just don’t have the money,” said Simon “Pete” Worden, director of NASA’s Ames Research Center.

We’re only talking about the end of the world here…

Granted, they speculate the cost would be about $1 billion to find them all by 2020.  I don’t see what costs so much.  They can use currently-existing equipment, so you just have to pay the astronomers, right?  Apparently the official NASA astronomers are extremely expensive.  Granted, they are highly-trained and experienced, for sure.  But we can’t let a few dollars come in the way of saving the earth!  So I’m proposing a new plan to NASA.  The Buffet o’ Blog staff plus seven (7) carefully selected participants (for a total of 10 people) will handle this project for NASA at a fraction of the cost.  We might be slightly less trained and experienced, but we learn fast, and we know a thing or two about star-gazing and saving the world.

So here’s the “fine print” : Our 10 people will do this full-time for a cost of only $1 million per person per year, using equipment already in place.  That’s $10M per year for 12 years (if we start in 2008), which works out to $120 million.  This is a 88 percent discount from NASA’s price, saving the government $880 million (which is not a small number!).  Yes, we’re willing to do all this work for so much less than the high-priced engineers, in order to protect the earth and save money for the government.

Have your people contact my people, and let’s do this.

7 thoughts on “protecting the earth from asteroids

  1. Mango-Man

    sign me up! i’m willing to stare off into space! In fact I already do that at my current job… all i’d have to do is go outside! I have no problem ‘helping’ out government out in this manner… I mean a 88% is a huge savings! yes… i’ll do it for my country! and when I’m not outside staring up at the sky I pledge to religiously peruse the internet for signs of an impending ‘astoroid of death’ as well as other articles that might be of interest to me (games & such).

  2. Mr. Destructo

    I volunteer the services of one of my evil minions to participate in this group. I personally don’t have time to contribute, because my own research to destroy the world consumes much of my free time. Plus, most of my minions work at the entry-level minimum minion wage until they gain sufficient experience, so I’ll assign one of them to that and pocket the rest of the million per year. I could always use more funds for my cutting-edge research, since the government is somewhat leery of my schemes and thus keeps rejecting grants for my work.*

    * Stupid government! Don’t they realize that if they meet my demands, I will refrain from destroying the world and will then license out my technology to the highest bidder? When I finish documenting the geodesics of the space-time continuum, this info will come in very handy to whoever is willing to pay the price. It is very unwise to underestimate my powers!

  3. Roid Rage

    Hello earthlings!

    We are the Xangrilangrians from the asteroid Xangrilah. We inhabit a subasteroidian paradise within our beautiful piece of space debri.

    We have intercepted your transmission from this “blog”.

    We assume this is code for B.L.O.G. (Blasting Large Objects Greatly) and we insist that you cease and desist your plans to use our backyard for blowing up your own planet. Since the location of our home world is secret, you might end up (we are sure by accident since humans are not as intelligent as Xangrilangrians) sending our home hurling toward your home.

    Be warned puny human, Mr. Destructo. We will defend ourselves!

    –signed with peace and harmony for all living creatures (except Mr. Destructo)

    King of the Xangrilangrians
    of Xangrilah

  4. Mr. Destructo

    Ah-HA! I see that you recognize me as a greater threat than all other living creatures! That is good for you, for knowing is half the battle. But it is foolish of you to try to threaten me. I am no mere mortal!

    Your claims of higher intelligence do not phase me. I have studied your race and found them to be of no concern in my plans. You will stay out of my business, if you know what’s best for you.

  5. Xangrilah Emissary

    To the Earthling under the alias “Mr. Destructo”,

    First, we consider nothing and no one to be a “greater threat” to the tranquility and greatness that is Xangrilah due to the fact that we are unthreatable.

    Let me explain in a short simple sentence ,properly translated, so that your feeble mind will comprehend its full significance. In short, you will lose.

    For thousands of years our wonderful species has existed in harmony with the cosmos and has prefected strategies to insure our survival. We are intrigued by Earthlings and their petty attempts to better themselves. At times, we have covertly assisted in the advancement of your species through common “discoveries” out of pity.

    But alas, Earthlings use such good knowledge without good wisdom and have tried to annilate each other. Many years ago, our noble leader, Xan (may he live forever) has ceased in dealing out our precious knowledge due to Earthling malice.

    In conclusion, the Xangrilangrians only wish to coesxist with humanity and not to destroy it. If, however, humans such as yourself wish to provoke us then we have no other choice but to deal out righteous judgment upon your head.

  6. Important Evil Genius (E.D)

    this message is for the Xangrilah Emissary AND Mr. Destructo…

    you 2 could not find your buttocks if they were stapled to your head!!!

    you Both are full of hot air… I hereby present my challenge…

    first one to blow up the earth wins… & if you use the home asteroid of the “xangrians” to do it you get “bonus points”!!! mwa-ha-ha ha!!!

  7. Mr. Destructo

    Let’s look at the E.D.’s challenge, to see what’s really going on in his small, inferior brain. Obviously blowing up the earth is something he wants to see done, but since he’s challenging people with superior skills & firepower to do it, it must mean he cannot accomplish the feat himself.

    Just out of curiosity, what do you win by blowing up the earth first? It had better be a lot of money, because building a habitable space station (up to my standards) costs a lot of money! Setting up inhabitations on other planets also consists of extensive funds.

    I’ll just keep working on my plans, which will be revealed in due time.

    E.D., you can keep rambling on about buttocks and hot air… or you could find something productive to do with the few remaining years of your life. Surely there’s something you’re good at (besides rambling)…

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