It’s now 2007 and things are getting back to normal after the Christmas holiday season. Most of us are back at work, going through hundreds of e-mails and seeing what went wrong while we were out. This got me to thinking that after a long break (like a week or more), companies should offer a plan to help you ease back into the normal workflow. All those consecutive days off gets you accustomed to sleeping in and not working, then jumping headfirst back into the normal work routine is too harsh an adjustment. We should be allowed to come in around 10:00 for a few days, then 9:00, and then 8:30 or so. And we should get to take a two hour lunch during this time. That would really help. So to whoever is reading this that has such influence at your company, make it so. Your employees would thank you, and it would boost morale quite a bit. And your employees would brag to their friends about it, which would be great publicity for your company.
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Buffet o' Blog 
Fab
Dear Buffet o’ Blog Administrator,
I happen to know that you already work that slacker schedule. You routinely go in at 8:30 or 9 or so, and take long 2-3 hour lunches. I’ve seen you en route to work after 8:30 (close to 9) before and I’ve been on some of your “lunch hours” with you. I guess you want everyone else to do during the Christmas holidays what you do for yourself all year long. 🙂
Buffet o' Blog Administrator
What you talkin’ ’bout, Willis?!?
I try to make the most efficient use of my time, which may involve some “flexible scheduling”.
Besides, I feel underpaid, so wasting time isn’t unethical. 🙂
I’d like for everyone to always have 2-hour lunches. Some places do this so workers can have a siesta. That seems like a good idea to me. We shouldn’t be forced to rush through lunch — it’s one of the 3 most important meals of the day.
Plus, a longer lunch would give us more time to play Nintendo Wii! It sure is fun!
Famous Psychologist from a Far Away Land
I heard from an un-named, incredibly reliable source that the administrator and Mango-(WO)man meet at Los Amigos every week, for at least 2 hrs(and have for years), to discuss flower decorations and arrangements. I’ve been told that they then go play a flower decorating Wii game for at least another 45 minutes.
But then again that is just a rumor from a Far Away Land.
Buffet o' Blog Administrator
What?!? Did you pull that out of your butt? Your ramblings are a complete ridiculosity. You should leave “Far Away Land” and return to reality.
Important Lunch Consortium (guest) Attendee
I have been to these lunch “hours” with the ones you mentioned, Famous Psychologist. This is, indeed an extended time of lunch. But now that you mention it, I did find that they had an un-manly interest in flowers, especially that Mango-(Wo)Man. I found myself (rather uncomfortably) having to steer the conversations back toward manly stuff like trucks and passing gas. When lunch was over, I just went home*, but these two always said they had “stuff” to do before returning to work. Now, I know what they were up to…..
*I went home because I was done with work for the day. I do more before 8 am than those two do all day.
absolutely 'neutral' individual
I must right the wrong that has been presented here.
as an absolutely neutral parting in these proceedings I must say that lunch consortium guy & far away dude are wrong. I’m guessing far away dude is so far away he couldnt tell what was going on. While it *may be true that the pair take the **occasional long lunch. they most certainly didn’t talk about flowers… unless it concern cutting (aka killing) some for their spouse. Most talk was concerning explosions and other topics of masculinity. I remember this one time (I was at a nearby table) that they were joined by a guest who I can only assume was the lunch consortium guy… he kept interrupting trying to get all the attention about how he only has to work until noon (he considers that a long day) I recall he sounded kinda whiny & sissified. the only thing manly I recall him saying was something about cheese (I think the type was colby?) I beleive the reason I overheard about the long lunches was becuase they are hard at work for the blogs R&D department… these guys shouldnt be criticized…they should be applauded.
*okay… it’s true
* weekly
Buffet o' Blog Administrator
Some of the “LA meetings” (as they’ve come to be known) are official Buffet o’ Blog staff meetings, where we discuss upcoming exclusive material, as well as other manly things. I can assure you the talk does not revolve around flowers. Sometimes there are guests joining us, but usually only men, and we talk of things like explosions, farting, cool new inventions, women, etc.
Perhaps some of these critics are just jealous because they aren’t on staff at the #1 humor website. 😮
Evil Genius E.D.
this post is to the Important Lunch Consortium (guest) Attendee concerning your statement of “I do more before 8 am than those two do all day.” I dont think the blog administrator would count your time spent laboring ‘on the turlet’ as being ‘work’
Important Lunch Consortium (guest) Attendee
The reason you “dont think the blog administrator would count your (my) time spent laboring ‘on the turlet’ as being ‘work’” is because you haven’t seen the absolute grandness involved in my semi-quiet time each morning. I don’t want to have to take pictures, so just trust me when I say that there is much labor involved in this early morning ritual. People often wonder if I work out and the answer is “yes, I work it out every morning.” And yes, it is a lot of work.
Thomas Wayne
T. M. I. — Too Much Information.
I imagine most of us would rather not hear about your poop aerobics and such… No pictures are necessary, sir.
There’s no more we need to know. Thank you, drive thru…
semi-importand video producer
hey… lunch consortium guest attendee… after reading about your ‘early morning ritual’ I propose you should create a new heath video… as thomas wayne suggested you could call it ‘poop aerobics’ who knows… you could make millions (minus a moderate commision fee to me). I’ll even loan you thomas-waynes camera (no WAY im gonna be there) 🙂
Thomas Wayne
My camera wasn’t designed for crap like that!
I imagine there’s people who’d actually try some “poop aerobics” if it helped them fart louder or have more control over the sound of their flatulence.
Important Lunch Consortium (guest) Attendee
The farting loud w/ control is just a gift. I never had to work on it, it just comes out that way. Maybe that’s why I’m a.k.a. A.G.O.C. (active gas on command). There is really no way to train for such feats of gastro-intestinal wonder. Just trust me when I say that I’m not worthy of such a gift, so I try to share it with all (guys) who know me so that they too can benefit from the great things that come to pass. 🙂
Thomas Wayne
I agree that some people just have the “gift” of farting. I had a roommate during the college years who could fart incessantly. One day he ripped over 100 farts! I think the final tally was over 120. That just isn’t normal. He also holds the record for the loudest fart I’ve ever heard. It sounded painful (and it was, he claims). It was one of those moments you’ll never forget…
Bowels Aflame
I farted in an empty gymnasium one time and it was so loud it echoed like bouncing a basketball really hard on the floor. I was so proud!