viewer mail, issue #18

One of the regular readers here recently mentioned that we haven’t put out an issue of viewer mail in a while.  They are correct.   And there is no good excuse for it, because it’s a fun series, and there’s plenty of material to work with.  Perhaps the writers are slackers.  So to light a fire under them, I told them they had to put out a new episode of viewer mail or they’d go to bed without supper.  That is sufficient motivation, so now we have the next issue of viewer mail.

As usual, this is based on actual search terms used to find this blog, and I’ll focus on the ones we haven’t already written extensively about.

Click image to see a larger, more tempting picture.

* large sausage & bacon sandwich — My dream of the future is that someday we’ll be able to download stuff like this.  Just type it in at a certain site (or select it from pictures), and it’s downloaded through the Internet.  Although I wonder if the tubes of the Internet are subject to artery clogging… Why would I worry about that, though?  I’m American!  Here’s the kind of breakfast sandwich I would download — bacon, sausage, copious amounts of cheese, held together by grilled cheese with bacon.   (There could hardly be a better breakfast sandwich, unless you add some milk gravy.)

* buffet calories — This is an invalid request.  The whole nature of a food buffet is unlimited, so if you’re wanting to count calories, you should avoid a buffet.  The great part of a buffet is that you get to eat what you want, in whatever combination you want, and however much you want.  That’s why it’s called “all you can eat”.   If you don’t eat all you can eat, you’re getting ripped off, because that’s what you paid for.

* homer simpson freak out — Your search returned 7,352,809 results.   🙂

* barack obama thinking — Your search returned 0 results.   (That was too easy…)

* super awesome bacon sandwhich — See above.  Actually, there are a number of bacon sandwiches (and other awesome bacon foodstuffs) documented here.  You can click on the “Food Critic” category, and many will either start with bacon or have it added.  (It’s inevitable that someone will always say “needs more bacon”.)   One of the Food Critic entries is a massively stacked , with many layers of bacon.  You can also search for our Buffet o’ Bacon series, where we conduct our own bacon recipe research, involving the Buffet o’ Blog important chefs (of which there are several).  There you’ll find some bacon dishes you’ve probably never thought of before, and it may make you hungry.  🙂

* women have bad moods — Your search returned 380,599,248,107 results.  (I hope I don’t get in trouble for that!)

I’d better wrap this up before things get too crazy.   Actually, I suddenly have a powerful craving for bacon…  Time to exit stage right to search for bacon!

Buffet o’ Bacon 4

Last night I had the Buffet o’ Blog staff at my house, and I knew there had been rumors of more bacon “research”, but I wasn’t expecting much, given various circumstances.  But this turned into quite the bacon extravaganza!  We had five (5) bacon dishes to test.  Of course, I took some pictures to go with my analysis and commentary.  First up is bacon-wrapped pineapple — on a stick.

It seemed weird to mix bacon with a fruit, but it didn’t taste too bad.   The texture was weird to me.  But pineapple by itself has a somewhat weird texture.  Nonetheless, it was pretty good, but was overshadowed by some of the other bacon experiments.

Next up in our buffet of bacon was bacon-wrapped Twinkies.  How would you expect this to be?

We were skeptical about it before, but it proved to be the tastiest of them all.   The key here was cooking the bacon prior to wrapping the Twinkies.   Once wrapped, we placed them in the oven just long enough to heat the Twinkies (and we did it too much, as evidenced by the creamy overflow).  The taste was great — a pleasant mixture of bacon and sweetness, and it was not greasy at all (which was my main concern before trying it).  I would definitely eat these again… and again… 🙂

Next we made small sausage balls (of just pork / breakfast sausage), wrapped in bacon, and held together with toothpicks.  We had intended to apply the BBQ sauce before cooking, but didn’t add it until about halfway through cooking.

These were very delicious.   (Would you expect otherwise?)  You just have to make sure the sausage gets cooked thoroughly.  And be sure to cook these on a raised rack of some kind to let the bacon grease and sausage grease drain off.  Failure to do so may result in a “gut-bomb”.  (For a documented example of that, see the second comment about our initial Buffet o’ Bacon.)

Next up was a BLT — bacon, lettuce, tomato sandwich, with Miracle Whip.  Nothing revolutionary, and tasted like you would expect.

Last but not least in our “research” was chocolate-covered bacon.  The bacon was cooked first, with all grease drained, then dipped in molten chocolate.   The molten chocolate was made from semi-sweet chocolate chips plus butter.

Chocolate-covered bacon may sound gross if you haven’t tried it, but it’s quite delicious.   The salty bacon goes well with the sweetness of the chocolate.   You really should try it for yourself sometime.

If you would like to read about our other Buffet o’ Bacon events, here’s a link to search the blog for “Buffet o’ Bacon“.  (It will find a few other posts which reference it, but using a search will also find future ones, too, once they’re published.)  You could also have your own bacon research parties.  It’s a really fun time (as you would imagine).  You could post your results on your blog, and be sure to link back here so we can check it out.

the Bacon Explosion — I must try this!

Speaking of bacon weaves, I recently heard about a dish called the Bacon Explosion.   It uses two pounds of bacon and two pounds of sausage, plus barbecue seasonings.  Some have called it a monster of meat.  I’m not scared of it, although the after-effects might be strong (more on that later).  This food item is football-sized, and it contains at least 5,000 calories and 500 grams of fat.  Needless to say, you shouldn’t eat it all in one sitting.  (Although Michael Phelps could consume two of these in one day on his extreme workout diet!  But imagine the effect it would have on his swimming…)

At the BBQ Addicts site, there is a full recipe with pictures.  Here’s a quick summary.  Create a 5×5 bacon weave; coat it with a barbecue pork rub; spread out two pounds of sausage; cover with crumbled up bacon that’s already cooked; cover with barbecue sauce; roll up; add more barbecue seasoning; then slow-cook in a smoker with hickory smoke; after cooking, cover with more BBQ sauce.   (That site used Italian sausage, but I would prefer pork sausage / breakfast sausage, which others have used.)

Here at Buffet o’ Blog, we’ve had our own Buffet o’ Bacon a few months ago, which was awesome.  Well, one experimental item created what we called a “gut-bomb”, which I suspect would happen with this Bacon Explosion dish.  See, the problem arises when the bacon grease isn’t able to escape.  But with the Bacon Explosion, not only would you have trapped bacon grease, but also trapped sausage grease.   So it might be doubly as potent.  Nonetheless, I would like to try it someday.  (Guys, I think this calls for a Buffet o’ Bacon 2!  Although everyone might be required to sign a release form stating we’re not liable for the after-effects!)

You can read more about the dish here.  One excerpt I want to highlight from that article is this review:

After preparing a version of the dish, Andrew Vennari of the San Francisco Food Examiner said the dish tasted better than expected, “but I didn’t learn the true meaning of the bacon explosion until the next day.”

That’s what is meant by the term “gut-bomb”.  (FYI, if you eat this, you might want to equip your bathroom with a fan and some magazines.  I’m just sayin’…)

When we perform our research* on this, you’ll get a full review.

* num num num num

I’ve been thinking about what we could serve with it, besides plenty of sweet tea.   I know, it might seem like culinary perfection already, but I don’t think our bodies are accustomed to such awesomeness anymore.  Our modern diet just doesn’t prepare the body for that.  All the “health foods” we eat now have weakened our digestive system, which can make dishes like the Bacon Explosion dangerous, because we aren’t used to such awesomeness.

Anyway, back to side-item ideas.  Perhaps some bread (biscuits or rolls), and maybe some cheese dip to dip it in.  🙂  Actually, I’m thinking of adding some cheese before and after cooking.   Surely it would be better with cheese!  (Just be prepared for the “sudden dramatic weight loss” mentioned in the infamous bacon and cheese diet!)

In closing, I realize some health experts or registered dieticians might be frowning upon this discussion.  I’ll let them take that up with the “Important Doctor”, one of the regular readers here.  But I will add this nugget of wisdom for you to contemplate:

Would a longer life be worthwhile if it had to be lived as prescribed — without French-fried onion rings, pizza with double cheese, chocolate?  (Remember, living right doesn’t really make you live longer, it just seems like longer.)

All that said, who wants to join me in a taste-testing session of the Bacon Explosion with cheese dip?   🙂