the dangers of selling farts

You might think the title said “the dangers of smelling farts”, which would be a more expected post, but that’s a different subject entirely, and one I don’t care to dig into. This is actually about selling farts.

Before I get into the details here, let me warn you that this is dumpster fire type material. So if you really don’t want to know, you should stop here. I’ll even provide a link to take you to a random post here (which is also in the sidebar): Random Randomness.

The story starts with a 31-year-old reality star who had a side-business of selling her farts in a jar. I’m not too surprised that someone had the idea, but I am surprised that someone actually followed through with the idea, and I’m shocked that she has made over $200,000 somehow with this “job”. Apparently she was selling them for $100 to $500 each, and she was selling a lot. I don’t get it. I figured this was satire / parody / fiction / fake news. But a search has it showing up on legit news sources. So I just don’t know… Who pays that much for stank?!? I have no idea how famous she is — I don’t follow “reality TV” at all — but it really doesn’t matter. Why would you pay money to smell anybody’s farts? Perhaps if a jar was a dollar or two, I could see a few people buying one for a prank gift or a “dirty Santa” party, but not at hundreds of dollars. (BTW, some people have “dirty Santa” parties where they expect legitimate gifts around a certain dollar value, so it’s good to know the expectations.) I’ve seen prank gifts of candles that smell like poop, but they were $20, which is beyond prank gift budget for me. But I digress…

So far we’ve discussed how this is gross and/or silly, but it gets worse — hence the dangerous part. Demand for these fart jars increased to over 50 per week, and this woman switched her diet to beans and eggs. Those foods are good and healthy in moderation, but there was no moderation here. At one point the gas pains got so intense that she thought she was having a heart attack or stroke and went to the hospital. Fortunately for her it was “just a very, very severe case of gas”. It was enough to make her retire… somewhat… (Yeah, there’s more…)

The self-described “fartrepreneur” has decided to sell digital fart jars in the form of NFTs. (If you don’t know, an NFT is basically a digital item like a picture or video that is registered in the blockchain; it’s a trendy concept right now, with many people trying to cash in with dumb stuff, looking to get-rich-quick.) Anyway, I don’t know why anyone would buy a photo of a fart jar, so I reckon I’m not the intended audience.

This isn’t the first “fart art” I’ve heard of, though… there is actually some music that has flatulence in it, in a funny way. I’ll provide a link, since if you’re still reading you must have at least some interest in laughing at flatulence (or perhaps in being grossed out by it). 🙂

I hope this doesn’t make you lose too much faith in humanity… But it is a weird world out there…

you put WHAT in a dishwasher?

woman-loading-dishwasher-with-cocoa-pebblesThe other day I had a really random dream.  That in itself is not surprising, because I really enjoy randomness (hence why I write on this blog).  But what’s odd about it is that it featured a scenario I had never thought of before.

In my dream, I was at someone’s house, and the woman was loading the dishwasher, but instead of standard dishwashing detergent / soap, she poured in a chocolatey cereal, something like Cocoa Pebbles.  Unfortunately I woke up and didn’t get to see how the dishes turned out, but I expect it would be the opposite of clean.  (A quick glance on Google didn’t find any images to go with this… maybe I just didn’t spend enough time, because supposedly you can find anything on the Internet.  So you’ll just have to use your imagination to picture it, old-school style.)  [Edit: Mango-Man sent in a picture to go with the post, so here it is.]

I don’t know how or why my brain created that scenario.  I’ve never wondered what else you could put in a dishwasher besides soap.  Although this does remind me that I heard someone once joke about putting their underwear / drawz in the dishwasher instead of dirty dishes, but I don’t think that’s a recommended usage, especially if there are dishes in there also.

Why am I the cat’s pajamas?

A friend recently heard the final version of an album I mixed for him, and he replied with the phrase, “You sir, are the cat’s pajamas!”  I’ve heard the phrase before, and it’s supposed to mean good things, but thinking about it, that’s a very strange phrase.  I asked the Buffet o’ Blog staff to interpret / interpolate it, and here is one of the replies.

I think the “cat’s pajamas” is a very versatile phrase.  Using the magic of language, I’ll break the phrase down to its base parts.

The base words, cat’s pajamas, can mean the following:
* Pajamas? On a cat? It’s both useless and annoying!
* Pajamas! For cats! That’s the best idea I’ve ever heard!
* Pajamas, for cats? That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard!
* Pajamas, for cats. Why not?
* Cats pajamas: Made from real cats.
* Cat’s pajamas: Made for real cats.

The modifier, sir, can mean:
* A medieval knight.
* A formal language substitute for bub, buddy, bro, homie, guy, etc.

The rest leaves us with “you are (the)”, which modifies the pajamas.  (You’d think that would be a seamstress, but no.)

Thus, the phrase means: (paraphrased for explanations)
* (anger) Hey buddy, I’m going to make you into some pajamas for my cat.
* (male) Bro, you are as unnecessary as pajamas on a cat.
* (female) That guy makes me think of those clothes I dress small animals in.
* (strange) That knight is wearing armor made of cats!
* (possessive) Bub, you are similar to an item of clothing owned by a feline.
* (Impressed) Wow, you remind me of cat pajamas, which allowed me to finally shave cats and then dress them so they won’t get cold.

You sir! ARE the cat’s pajamas!  And I STILL don’t know what that means.  🙂

story reminder

I’d like to make a quick public service announcement.  Well, it’s about this blog, but it’s open to the public for viewing and commenting, so I reckon the category still fits.

Anyway, I want to remind everyone about the latest free-for-all story that’s ongoing.  I’m going to wrap it up soon, because the progress on it has slowed to a snail’s pace (and they are notoriously slow at writing stories).  So if you want to contribute anything to it, jump in.  It’s open to everyone, even if you’re a first-time visitor here.  Just read through it before writing, so you’ll know the rules and be familiar with the characters.

Here’s the link: Are you talking to me?

Also, if you didn’t know, there have been two completed already, viewable under the free-for-all stories category.  They both turned out well, in my opinion.  They’re definitely random, and you won’t guess all the plot twists, for sure.  They are somewhat long, so if it’s too much for one viewing, you could print it out and use it for reading material in the bathroom or as a bedtime story (which could potentially lead to some crazy dreams).