Yosemite Sam and Nerf guns

If someone is annoying you by repeatedly shooting you with a Nerf gun in the office, what do you do?  If diplomacy doesn’t work, you respond with a bigger gun.  🙂

For some reason, my intro reminded me of Yosemite Sam.  (Yeah, I watched a lot of Looney Tunes growing up.)  Here’s the quote:

Yeah?  Well, I talk LOUDLY and I carry a bigger stick.  And I use it, too!  WHAM! ~ Yosemite Sam, on foreign policy

I’m not sure I’d want Yosemite Sam as a minister of foreign affairs, but he might do better than some of the current politicians…  He would certainly be more amusing and funny, although not intentionally.  Consider this:

Whether playing a buccaneer, Arabian knight or the roughest, toughest, meanest, old prospector west of the Pecos, Yosemite Sam’s slapstick physical humor always sets his audiences laughing.  This rootin’, tootin’, six gun shootin’, varmit-huntin’ wild man of the west believes in his own innate superiority and charges his way into one misadventure after another — and as loudly as possible.  The only thing shorter than the fuse on his temper is Yosemite Sam himself and this walking keg of dynamite is always ready for action.  From his ten gallon hat to his fire red mustache, Yosemite Sam is the most flamboyant of all Bugs Bunny’s adversaries.  But the funniest thing about Yosemite Sam is that he has absolutely no sense of humor which makes him the perfect foil, or fool, for Bugs Bunny.

It’s amazing that he’s so funny despite having no sense of humor.  Ironically, that might suit him as a politician, since most of them are professionally humorless (which is lame and boring).

crazy quotes by Charlie Sheen

You’ve probably heard of the recent self-destruction of Charlie Sheen in recent interviews.  He is all kind of rambling these days… some call is Sheenglish.  I normally don’t write on Hollywood / celebrity gossip, but since this blog specializes in randomness, this fits in.   So below are some quotes by Charlie Sheen, just from the past couple of weeks.  At this time, people are wondering if he’s on drugs or if he’s gone crazy (in the literal sense).  So far it sounds like all-of-the-above.  BTW, I didn’t bother to include the context for these quotes because they still don’t make sense even with it.

“I am on a drug. It’s called ‘Charlie Sheen!’ It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

“I’m a high priest vatican assassin warlock. I don’t know. All these words just sound cool together. They come from my grand wizard master.”

“When you’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA, it’s like, get with the program dude.”

“I’ve been the aw-shucks guy with this … rockstar life, so now I’m going to completely embrace it. I’m going to wrap both arms around it and love it violently, and defend it violently, through violent hatred.”

“I am a peaceful man with bad intentions.”

“You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like dude, can’t handle it, unplug this… It fires in a way that is, I don’t know, maybe not from this terrestrial realm.”

“I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm [show creator Chuck Lorrie] with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”

“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”

“There are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper.”

“[CBS] picked a fight with a warlock.”

“I think I’m worth over $1 billion but that’s just on a cellular level.”

“I dare anyone to debate me on things.”

[On salary expectations] “I’m not [broke] but I was kind of counting on some of that money to get me through the summer. Now I’ve got to like work. But that’s alright. Work’s good. Work fuels the soul.”

On that last one he sounds like a professional athlete… Still illogical considering he was making $2 million per episode, but at least he was on topic for a change.

As someone who is familiar with the flowing of randomness, I’m impressed by just how random his word associations are.  It’s hard to imagine how someone in their right mind could be quite that random that often.   It sounds like we are witnessing a train wreck in progress — you don’t want to see it happen, but yet you can’t hardly look away…

how not to relieve shoulder pain

Over the years, people have done countless stupid things.  You could fill a blog documenting such things and never run out of content (and I’m sure somebody is trying).  Albert Einstein supposedly said, “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not even sure about the universe.”   I’ve also heard it said that “the 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”  I’m not going to argue with that.  I suppose stupidity is limitless because imagination is limitless.  Some people use their imagination for good, while some people use it to invent new ways of being stupid.

The reason I’m thinking of that is because of something I heard in the news this week.  A woman in Michigan hurt her shoulder trying to keep her 80-pound Labrador from fighting with her Chihuahuas, and she was unemployed and couldn’t afford to get health care because she had no health insurance.   The pain supposedly became too much to bear, so she became desperate.  The hospital wouldn’t treat her unless it was an emergency, so she borrowed a gun and shot her shoulder, so the hospital would be required to treat her.  On TV, she said she figured this would be better than the pain she was currently dealing with.  Before shooting herself, she put pillows in front of and behind her shoulder, along with an ice pack.

Her plan backfired, though, because the bullet missed all of the affected areas, so the doctors in the emergency room didn’t have to work on her previous problem.   So now she has the shoulder pain and a gunshot wound to deal with.  Afterward, she said, “It didn’t take the pain away.  I figured it would take the pain away from the rotator cuff, where at least I could focus on something else, and maybe they would fix me, you know.  I guess I should have shot a little lower and got the bone and the artery.”  I’m not sure she learned her lesson…

quotes about bacon

I’m going to continue the bacon theme for one more post.  This time I’m going to list a few quotes about bacon.  (This is not all the quotes I have that refer to bacon, but the ones mostly about bacon.)  Enjoy…

I’m not Canadian, although I tend to like their bacon.

Cookin’ MC’s like a pound of bacon. ~ Vanilla Ice, in “Ice Ice Baby”

If it can’t be fried in bacon grease, it ain’t worth cooking, let alone eating. ~ Southern proverb

I’m never gonna get used to the 31st century.  Caffeinated bacon?  Baconated grapefruit?  ADMIRAL Crunch? ~ Fry, from Futurama

I used to have trouble choking down the pills I have to take for controlling my cholesterol, but it’s a lot easier now that I wrap them in bacon. ~ Brad Simanek

The other week, while sitting over a bacon omelet and rambling on about how much I love the “bacon, egg, cheese on toast combo”, a good buddy looks across the table at me and utters a sentence I may never forget as long as I live: “Yeah, because bacon is the candy bar of meat.” ~ Adam McArthur

I’d forgotten what an honest sandwich it is.  For those of you not familiar, “BLT” stands for “bacon, lettuce, and tomato”.  A lot of people think the “B” stands for “bread”, and I can understand someone not wanting a lettuce and tomato sandwich.  But, the bread is implied in the word “sandwich”.  Anyway, it’s an American original.  Everyone should have a BLT as soon as they can. ~ Stephen Colbert

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. ~ Doug Larson

As soon as I learned what the smell of bacon was, I learned how to make it. ~ Rush Limbaugh

There’s egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and spam; bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam; or lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pate’, brandy and a fried egg on top of spam. ~ Monty Python

Veggie bacon?!?  That sounds like a sign of the Apocalypse. ~ Turtle Dundee

If you want to see the recent posts about bacon, click here to search the site for “bacon”.