viewer mail, issue #16

It’s long past time for another issue of viewer mail.  As usual, I take some of the actual search terms that led people to this blog, and I provide the information they were looking for.  Well, there’s no guarantee it’s the actual info they wanted, but hopefully it’ll be funny.  🙂  I may not know everything (just 98%, give or take 3%), but I know humor.  But enough about my extensive reserves of knowledge!  Let’s get to the search terms.

* “laughing is important” — I completely agree!  And science agrees also.  Some studies suggest that laughing heartily every day can add 7 years to your life.  So obviously laughing is important!  That’s why I write on this blog — to help people laugh, which promotes good physical and mental health.  So subscribe to the blog, for your health’s sake!   🙂  And tell your friends about it!

Barack Obama tossing a football in his office* will people realize obama is a joke — I’ve wondered this myself, thinking perhaps all of President Barack Obama’s strange doings were part of some huge April Fools joke.  But that day has come and gone, and there was no announcement.  I’m afraid this is reality, that Obama will be the U.S. President through 2012.   He’s who the people wanted.   (I won’t say he won fair and square, because of ACORN type groups, but McCain sure helped him out with a poorly planned campaign.)  Let’s just hope Obama doesn’t make too many changes to America.  People want some change, such as removing corruption and increasing transparency and fixing the economy, and so far Obama has not given us that type of change (despite his campaign promises).

* arguing teddy bears — Normally teddy bears are passive, peaceful creatures, choosing to bring comfort to little children everywhere, so if yours are arguing, then there’s some problems.   Usually all you have to do to keep them happy is hug them.  If all else fails, you could let them fight it out.   I realize that sounds violent, but teddy bears don’t have claws, and they are plushy, so no harm will come to them.  Perhaps letting them release their aggression is the solution you are looking for.  Then again, arguing and fighting is no in their nature, so perhaps you are exposing them to too much of that stuff… maybe you should look in the mirror for your solution… 😮

obese-man* all you can eat belly — Well, if it isn’t obvious, here’s a picture.  But know that this is only after repeated use.  Enjoying all-you-can-eat buffets no more than once per week should be okay, but going there every day or two will lead to being fat.  There’s been a lot of research on this, which should be obvious.

* ice cream nachos — One might assume that combining two of mankind’s greatest food inventions would be a sure thing, but in this case it might not be.  I haven’t tried it, nor do I plan to.   Here’s what I recommend: eat your nachos, drink lots of sweet tea, and THEN eat your ice cream (topped with Oreos and/or Hershey’s Syrup).  Stay with that plan, and you can’t hardly go wrong.  (Well, don’t do this every day, for reasons illustrated by the previous topic.)

* build your own particle accelerator — This would be interesting, if you had the tools to conduct the research these are typically used for.  Hopefully you are searching for educational purposes only — this should not be used as a weapon.  Some scientists are concerned that high-powered particle accelerators could theoretically create black holes, which could obviously be dangerous, since they are the deadliest force in the universe.  Which, of course, means they are not a toy.

* can a man wear black bel and brown shoes — What kind of question is that?  Of course, a man can wear a black belt with brown shoes.  Men aren’t required to follow fashion trends nor to follow those imaginary rules concerning what matches and what doesn’t.  Besides, black matches everything.   🙂  Women pay more mind to these rules, and from what I’ve heard, they tend to judge each other very critically over those non-written fashion rules.  But with men it’s a different story.  In most cases, a guy’s friends won’t even notice what he’s wearing.  Besides, men need to reassert themselves and wear what they like and what is comfortable.

That’s all, folks!   Stay tuned for the next exciting episode, same blog time, same blog channel.

Is Obama part of the biggest practical joke ever?

I remember a discussion with some of my friends where we discussed ideas for the biggest practical joke in history.  The discussion was done just for fun, because these days you couldn’t pull off a huge joke without offending multitudes of people — so many people are just wusses when it comes to humor.

But after seeing Obama’s first 60 days in office, and especially the political events of the past week, I have to wonder: Is President Barack Obama part of the biggest practical joke in history?   I keep hearing unusual news stories about Obama, and I find myself wondering if people are just making it up or if Obama is really doing stuff that stupid?   It seems inconceivable that our nation’s leader could be this ignorant and incompetent.  Here’s a few examples:

* Obama was laughing incessantly about the economy on 60 Minutes, to the point that the host asked him, “Are you punch drunk?”  That’s not something you expect to have to ask the President of the United States!

* Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez called him “ignorant”.  Well, that could probably happen to anybody.

* AIG execs get huge bonuses, and at first Obama’s administration said they didn’t know about it, then we find out they are lying.  For some reason, they decided to let the bonuses remain.

* Obama appeared on Jay Leno like he has nothing more important to do.  Has anyone told him the campaign is over and that he has a LOT of work to do?

* Speaking of which, Obama continues acting like a celebrity, thinking it’s all about him.

* Obama keeps filling leadership positions with people who don’t pay their taxes.  Don’t they run background checks?

* Obama said he wouldn’t put people in his administration who were recent lobbyists, then he did exactly that the same day, in the same speech.  You just can’t make that stuff up.

* Obama gave 25 DVDs to the British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, and then the DVDs weren’t playable over there because they are region encoded to work only in North America.  Did that really happen?  Doesn’t our President have access to better gifts for leaders of other countries?

* Under Obama, our government seems to be spending a few more hundred billion dollars every other day, when our government is already over $10 trillion in debt.   Doesn’t he realize that it’s bad fiscal policy to spend more money than you have?  And that if our country ever runs out of available credit, we’ll go bankrupt?

* Obama claims he will cut the deficit in half, but then his policies call for unprecedented spending.  What deficit is he talking about, and how many expenses are excluded from those calculations?

I could go on, but you get the idea.  I realize Obama is an amateur when it comes to leading a country, but he’s hired a lot of Bill Clinton’s former people to report to him, so they have experience (for what that’s worth).  Plus, some of this stuff should just be common sense.  So instead of thinking that Obama is really this stupid and incompetent, this must be some kind of huge practical joke.  Surely, any day now he’ll say “April Fools!” and everyone will breathe a sigh of relief and eventually have confidence in our government again.   Come to think of it, April 1st is right around the corner, so maybe that’s when we’ll find out if this is all for real or not…

an expensive practical joke

The pitchers of the Chicago Cubs played a unique practical joke on their strength coach during spring training this year.  They totally destroyed his car!  They smashed the windows, punctured the roof, peeled up the trunk, and tied the doors closed.  They left some baseball bats and balls around the car, so he figured it was some of the pitchers.

They let him fume for a while, and he couldn’t figure out how to tell his wife about it, because it was her car.  But then the pitchers took him back to the parking lot and gave him the keys to a brand new Nissan Xterra SUV.

It seems wasteful to destroy a car like that, even if it needed to be replaced, because someone else might want it.  But I imagine the look on his face was priceless…  and I figure they had fun destroying his car…