Are humans just mutant animals?

Have you ever wondered what animals think of humans?  We take it for granted that we are many times more intelligent than our pets, but what do they think about us?  Your dog might think you’re a mutant with super powers.  You can do things that transcend his understanding.  Imagine it from his perspective…

Now some scientists think that we may have super powers compared to other animals, that humans are mutants and a “copyediting error” in the brain is what separates us from other animals.  To that I say, “WHATEVER”.  God designed us this way.  Although even if you believe in evolution, does that account for mutants with super powers?  If so, I wasn’t taught that in school.  Science and biology classes would’ve been a lot more interesting if we’d talked about how to get super powers.

It’s impossible to know how an animal would think of all this.  Although it’s probably safe to say that if you were born a cat instead of a human, you wouldn’t be thinking about these things, nor would you even be aware that such a discussion could exist.  Your life would center around eating, sleeping, and playing.  Although I reckon that’s what a lot of humans focus on, not making much use of our superior intellect.  To each their own.  Actually, on second thought, eating a big mound of nachos and taking a nap sounds pretty good right now, super powers or not.

taking your pet to church

I heard there’s a church that lets you bring your pets to service now.  Apparently it’s been good for their attendance, but I have to wonder if they ever asked themselves: WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?  Seems like there’s quite a few potential issues, and by “potential” I mean likely will happen.  Let’s look at a couple of scenarios.

1) Animals like to explore and smell things.  So they’re going to want to wander around.  Not only would that be a distraction, but it would lead to #2.

2) Fighting.  Are cats and dogs going to suddenly get along because they’re in church?  I doubt it.  It’ll end up like a Looney Tunes episode where the dog is chasing Sylvester, who is chasing Tweety Bird.  It makes for a funny cartoon, but not so great in real life, especially during something as important as a church service.

3) Animals poop.  Well, to be fair, humans do too, but we usually go to a bathroom for such things.  It would be a huge distraction to have animals urinating and pooping all over the place.  Even if you had litter boxes, some indoor pets aren’t housebroken.  (I know, that seems inconceivable, but I know someone who keeps a dog inside who isn’t housebroken. I just don’t understand.)  Either way, poop is distracting, as well as unsanitary.

I could go on, but I figure that’s enough reasons why you wouldn’t allow people to bring their pets to church with them.  What do you think?

the special days of May, pt 1

As we’ve done in previous months, we’re going to look at the special days and holidays of this month.  As usual, this is not a complete list — those can be found elsewhere.  But I guarantee you will not find another list like this one.  This is not a mere list, because we add our own unique commentary and analysis.  In other words, we try to make it more fun.  And you are welcome to add to the discussion in the comments section.

Let’s get started with the month-long celebrations and observances:

  • Date Your Mate Month — Ideally your special relationship wouldn’t be too much different from dating to marriage, but it usually changes anyway.  So this is a good idea, to go out on a date, putting aside all the marital responsibilities and just have fun and get to know each other more.
  • National Barbecue Month — I like the food holidays!  BBQ is excellent, and it can apply to many different kinds of meats : pork, beef, chicken, etc.  Since this holiday lasts all month, that gives you time to make multiple visits to local BBQ restaurants (or cook your own), so you can try the different varieties.
  • National Blood Pressure Month — I have blood pressure every month, so I don’t see why there’s a holiday for it.  It’s not something you need to think about.  On the other hand, if you have high blood pressure, that’s something to think about, but the holiday isn’t named high blood pressure month.  Besides, if your blood pressure is high, you need to think about it more than just one month per year.  And (another) besides, we’ve already discussed this (in a humorous context).  Next, please…
  • bacon cheeseburgerNational Hamburger Month — Ahh, did I mention that I like the food holidays?  :)  Hamburgers, or, should I say, cheeseburgers, are one of the best foods ever.  This is especially true when you grill it yourself.  For some reason, restaurants usually don’t make them as good, even if you’re using a gas grill at home.  Since this is an official holiday, I reckon I should grill burgers at least every week this month, if not more often.
  • National Photograph Month — Here is a photo of a burger.  🙂  This looks like art to me!
  • National Recommitment Month — Some of you need to reconsider your commitment to reading this blog.  By that, I mean you should come here every day, or close to it, to read the new posts and check out the latest comments and write some comments.  The more, the merrier…
  • National Salad Month — It doesn’t seem like a good idea to me for this to be in the same month as the hamburger and barbecue.  I mean, who’s gonna choose salad over those other options?  Pass!
  • asparagusOlder Americans Month — I wonder if there’s a month for younger Americans…
  • Asparagus Month — I’m not sure if asparagus is even food.  Look at it — would you eat that?  It looks like weeds in an untended field.  I make a motion that we declare it a non-food.  Do I hear a second?  Also, does it even have any good uses?
  • Flower Month — There’s a certain reader here who will appreciate this (both the month and the picture).
  • National Mental Health Month — If you have mental health, you should celebrate it, perhaps by eating a bacon cheeseburger.  🙂  While you’re at it, go ahead and eat two.  Your mental health is not affected by fattening foods, so eat all you want.  🙂  Also, know that laughing is an important component of mental health.  Some say laughing can add about 7 years to your life.  Plus, it’s fun to laugh.  So it’s win-win for everyone. And that’s what this blog is here for — for everyone to win.  🙂
  • National Strawberry Month — It seems odd to dedicate a whole month to strawberries, as small as they are, but since chocolate-covered strawberries are scrumptious, I’ll include them in this listing.

Now let’s move on to the weekly celebrations:

  • Week 2 — Wildflower Week — Uhh… what are you supposed to do with this?  Plant more wildflowers?  But if you plant them, are they really wildflowers?  Maybe that “certain reader” can explain the appeal of this holiday, because I sure don’t get it.
  • dog costume YodaWeek 2 — National Pet Week — I reckon this is a good week to have a pet.  :)  I’ll include a picture for your inspiration.  (I normally don’t care much about dressing dogs up, but getting him to look like Yoda is cool.)
  • Last Week — National Backyard Games Week — This is kinda vague.  There’s a lot of games you can play in your backyard, if it’s big enough.  But either way, the point I want to make with this holiday, is that you should invite some friends over, play outdoor games while the weather is still good, and either grill burgers or barbecue.  That way you’re celebrating several of these special holidays at once, and everyone is happy (if they’re invited).

This is getting long, and I’ve been told some of my posts are too long, so I’m going to break this up into multiple parts.  To be continued…  (click here to search for the other ones.)

the special days of January, pt 2

Here’s part 2 of the special days and holidays in January.

  • 13 Make Your Dream Come True Day — Since making a big dream come true would probably take way more than one day, perhaps this means you should try to live your dream for just this one day.  While that sounds good, I don’t know how to get someone to pay me lots of money for playing video games and eating Cheetos all day…
  • 14 Dress Up Your Pet Day — Is this necessary?  I mean, if you want to dress up your pet, you probably already do.  If you don’t want to, you aren’t going to, even if it’s a holiday.  So whatever…
  • 15 National Hat Day — I know, most of you are probably wondering why I’m mentioning this.  Most of us don’t wear hats, so who cares?  But, consider this — what if you wear a pirate hat to work?
  • 16 National Nothing Day — This is more like it — a day for doing nothing.
  • 17 Ditch New Years Resolutions Day — I didn’t know there was an official day for it!  But it’s only halfway into the month — surely that’s not enough time for people to have lost their 15 pounds or so.
  • 18 Thesaurus Day — Using a thesaurus is a great way to expand your vocabulary.  It’s awesome, fascinating, inspiring, wonderful, spectacular, astounding, remarkable, etc.
  • 18 Winnie the Pooh Day — This is the birthday of Winnie’s author A.A. Milne.  Why do you care?  Well, you probably don’t, but it’s a good excuse for me to link to a sound clip you should listen to.  Note that it might have been modified (but I don’t know — somebody sent it to me, so I don’t know its origins).  It’s funny.
  • 19 National Popcorn Day — Mmm… cheese popcorn is scrumptious.  (And it’s about time for more food-related special days!)
  • 20 Cheese Day — Yeah, here we go!  Cheese is great.  On this day all restaurants should ask you if you want double cheese on your food as a free upgrade.  (On a side note, cheese should get a whole month.  Hopefully it does and I just haven’t seen it yet; otherwise someone should make it so.)
  • 21 National Hugging Day — This is a good idea, but that’s all I’m gonna say about it because we don’t get all sappy here.  🙂
  • 21 Squirrel Appreciation Day — Squirrels aren’t domesticated and thus don’t make good pets, but they can be fun to watch in the yard.  They can also be good to eat if cooked properly and covered in gravy.
  • 22 National Blonde Brownie Day — I’d never heard of a blonde brownie, but apparently it’s made with light brown sugar so it’s not as dark.  As long as it tastes good like regular brownies, I don’t care.  Brownies are scrumptious, especially when combined with vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup.
  • 23 National Pie Day — Hallelujah!  Eat lots of pie.  (Note that the diet from your New Year’s resolutions doesn’t apply on holidays, so take an extra helping and don’t feel any guilt.)
  • 23 National Handwriting Day — Um, I guess we are supposed to write everything manually on this day.  So don’t use your computer for any typing — you must write it all by hand.
  • 23 Measure Your Feet Day — Uhh… I thought holidays were supposed to be fun.  I don’t know the point of this, because I know the size of my feet and they aren’t growing anymore, so I looked online to see what I could find about this.  My research dug this up : “Celebrate today by measuring your feet.  Both of them.  Measure the length.  Then, measure the width.  For a little fun, see if you can measure someone else’s feet.”  That sounds like a great time… oh, wait, I’m too busy celebrating National Pie Day on the 23rd, so there won’t be any time for me to measure my feet.

I’ve been told that some of my posts are too long, so I’m going to break this up into 3 parts this month.