Super Bowl randomness

It’s a few weeks after the big game, but that doesn’t matter.  Either you’ll like this or you won’t.  (That could probably apply to any post, although more so for this one, since it’s about football.)  Anyway, I came across a blog where someone wrote a live update of the pregame and game, and it’s not your usual summary.  In addition to being funny, it’s a glimpse into how the game and commentary might look to someone who isn’t accustomed to American culture.  So much of this perspective we normally miss, just because it’s normal to us or we don’t bother to think about it.  Anyway, here’s some excerpts from the Super Bowl XLVII summary: The Superest Bowl Ever.

2:39: Bombshell! President Barack Obama DOESN’T KNOW WHO HE IS ROOTING FOR! We should impeach him! This somehow segues into a story about concussions. I assume they’re implying that Obama has a concussion, but I may be reading too much into it.

3:05: Chuck Pagano, the Indianapolis Colts head coach was hired, then was diagnosed with leukemia, then it went into remission. There is a lot of crying. Most of it is not from me, though, so kudos to me for being manly. Inspirational/depressing story #3.

3:20: CBS asked their Facebook fans which quarterback was the best. That is a great idea for deciding levels of talent. No one on Facebook will vote based on their biases.

3:36: Apparently Obama isn’t concerned about his son playing football since he only has two daughters. Bombshell! OBAMA IS SEXIST AND SAYS HIS DAUGHTERS WON’T BE INTERESTED IN PLAYING FOOTBALL BECAUSE THEY’RE GIRLS! No wonder the right hates him so much.

4:00: Football players explain that they are trying hard to win the Super Bowl while the “Saving Private Ryan” soundtrack plays in the background. I figured they were planning on phoning it in, so now I’m really looking forward to the game.

5:00: “The Kickoff Show” starts. What the crap have I been watching for the past 3 hours?

5:01: A bunch of retired NFL players start stories about their turn in the Super Bowl. They never finish the stories though before someone else starts talking. Either those players are all very bad at interrupting or the CBS editors have serious ADD.

6:05: The first quarter ends with the score 7-3. More importantly, I am eating wings. Therefore, I do not care about the stupid football game for the next half hour.

6:09: The Harbaughs’ parents are at the game. I was wondering if they were watching the game, but thank goodness someone had the answer for me.

6:13: The 49ers fumble and the Ravens recover. They really should have made a game-plan that involved not dropping the ball. I bet they do that next time.

6:28: Baltimore Ravens interception by Ed Reed leads to an awesome brawl. I am starting to sense that these two teams don’t get along. Maybe we should take a quick break, talk things out, then get back to the game after everyone has apologized to each other.

6:42: Subway uses a commercial spot to honor Jared for not being fat for 15 years. He appreciates it, I’m sure, but would probably prefer that they gave him something besides Subway to eat.

7:31: Kickoff for the second half is returned 109 yards for a Ravens’ touchdown. I now will spend the next 15 minutes wondering if I could even run 109 yards. 28-6 Ravens.

7:37: Extended silence from the announcers while they show that lights have gone out in the ceiling. One player is shown yelling at the lights. I’m surprised, but it didn’t seem to work.

7:41: A sideline reporter is telling us that the power is out. It was a very in-depth investigative report.

7:44: CBS sends it to the studio. They confirm that the lights are out. So, to summarized, the lights are out.

7:49: The lights are, according to the studio, still out. According to them, this makes it darker inside and will make the game more difficult. When I was a kid, I knew people who had glow in the dark Nerf footballs. The NFL should look into getting those.

7:52: The sideline reporter spoke to the players. It turns out that they aren’t afraid of the dark, so that’s a relief.

7:59: When the lights come back on, the studio analysts say the game will start again. That is the decision I would make if I were in charge of the game.

9:04: Kaepernick runs for a San Francisco touchdown. They go for a two-point conversion. If you get points for throwing the ball way over someone’s head, they succeeded. Since they don’t get points for that, It’s 31-29 Baltimore.

9:51: Toyota postgame show begins. Sponsored by Toyota.

Lessons learned from commercials tonight:

If you hire Century 21, the realtor will save your life or provide medical care, but only if you are looking for a house.

M&M’s would prefer that you do not eat them.

Parents don’t care about parties as long as you are drinking a delicious low calorie soda.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson cannot save the world from aliens, get cats out of a tree, or stop lions from mauling people without having a glass of milk first.

The Volkswagen makes people speak like Jamaicans. Weird product feature there.

Taco Bell makes old people do things like stupid youths.

Trucks are great for farmers.

Try applying original thinking the next time you’re watching a TV show or commercials.  Just how much is going on that is silly or absurd or random?

funny pictures, episode 15

Welcome to another edition of funny pictures.  Do I need to say more?

Do the iPod and iMac designs look so original now? A quick glance online shows that this could be intentional.
It wasn’t quite that bad… at least most of the time…
Uhh… although that would be really random…
Isn’t it amazing what difference a little CGI can make?
Supposedly this was an actual game for the Atari 2600. Judging by the title, I really don’t know what to think. Are there tanks or not?

(To see more funny pictures, click on the “Funny Pictures” category in the sidebar.)

NFL players need our help

Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome one of our greatest challenges yet.

Hundreds of Professional Football players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below their seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren’t bad enough they could be deprived of their life sustaining pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $27,080 a month, about $902.75 a day (that’s less than the cost of a large screen projection TV), you can help an NFL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it’s a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $900 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a football player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, nine hundred dollars is nothing more than a month’s rent, a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a football player, $900 will partially replace his daily salary. Your commitment of less than $900 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I’M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples’ suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I’M HELPING?

Your NFL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won’t know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

Remember, a lifestyle is a horrible thing to waste…

—————————————————————————-
YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NFL player. My preference is (check below):

[ ] Offense [ ] Defense [ ] Special Teams [ ] Entire team

Please charge the account listed below $902.75 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player and my very own Roger Goodell (NFL Commissioner) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name:____________________Telephone Number:___________________
Account Number:__________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] Master Card [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature:_______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number:_______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature:______________________

our policy on Twitter

There’s a lot of people using Twitter these days, even professional athletes.   Apparently some athletes update their status during games or to discuss issues with their team, and this is causing a big stink among NFL officials and team coaches.

For example, Antonio Cromartie, cornerback for the San Diego Chargers, was just fined $2,500 for using Twitter to gripe about “nasty food” that might have kept them from making it to the Super Bowl.  Chad Ocho Cinco has already been warned about Tweeting during games, and he says he’s going to anyway.

Here at Buffet o’ Blog, we have a much more relaxed policy on such issues, in that there’s no fine for updating your Twitter or Facebook statuses while using this site.  Actually, we encourage it — tell your followers on Twitter and Facebook about the funny posts you find.  Invite them to participate in the caption contests.  The more, the merrier.

On this topic, I’ve gotta give big props to the Aflac Duck page on Facebook for a link here recently, which brought in a lot of traffic this past weekend.  We appreciate the link.

And remember, by telling your friends to check out Buffet o’ Blog, not only are you making them happier, but you’re making us happier, and you’re making the world a better place.   And that should make you happier, too!  See how simple that is?   It’s a win-win-win-win situation!  🙂