viewer mail, issue #18

One of the regular readers here recently mentioned that we haven’t put out an issue of viewer mail in a while.  They are correct.   And there is no good excuse for it, because it’s a fun series, and there’s plenty of material to work with.  Perhaps the writers are slackers.  So to light a fire under them, I told them they had to put out a new episode of viewer mail or they’d go to bed without supper.  That is sufficient motivation, so now we have the next issue of viewer mail.

As usual, this is based on actual search terms used to find this blog, and I’ll focus on the ones we haven’t already written extensively about.

Click image to see a larger, more tempting picture.

* large sausage & bacon sandwich — My dream of the future is that someday we’ll be able to download stuff like this.  Just type it in at a certain site (or select it from pictures), and it’s downloaded through the Internet.  Although I wonder if the tubes of the Internet are subject to artery clogging… Why would I worry about that, though?  I’m American!  Here’s the kind of breakfast sandwich I would download — bacon, sausage, copious amounts of cheese, held together by grilled cheese with bacon.   (There could hardly be a better breakfast sandwich, unless you add some milk gravy.)

* buffet calories — This is an invalid request.  The whole nature of a food buffet is unlimited, so if you’re wanting to count calories, you should avoid a buffet.  The great part of a buffet is that you get to eat what you want, in whatever combination you want, and however much you want.  That’s why it’s called “all you can eat”.   If you don’t eat all you can eat, you’re getting ripped off, because that’s what you paid for.

* homer simpson freak out — Your search returned 7,352,809 results.   🙂

* barack obama thinking — Your search returned 0 results.   (That was too easy…)

* super awesome bacon sandwhich — See above.  Actually, there are a number of bacon sandwiches (and other awesome bacon foodstuffs) documented here.  You can click on the “Food Critic” category, and many will either start with bacon or have it added.  (It’s inevitable that someone will always say “needs more bacon”.)   One of the Food Critic entries is a massively stacked , with many layers of bacon.  You can also search for our Buffet o’ Bacon series, where we conduct our own bacon recipe research, involving the Buffet o’ Blog important chefs (of which there are several).  There you’ll find some bacon dishes you’ve probably never thought of before, and it may make you hungry.  🙂

* women have bad moods — Your search returned 380,599,248,107 results.  (I hope I don’t get in trouble for that!)

I’d better wrap this up before things get too crazy.   Actually, I suddenly have a powerful craving for bacon…  Time to exit stage right to search for bacon!

caption contest, man eating big burger

Once again it’s time for our next weekly caption contest.  This week’s photo features a man eating a giant cheeseburger.  And he’s wearing a helmet.  Who knows why?  (Hopefully you do.)  Make up your best guess to explain this picture — or make a joke about it or even a pun (if you must) — and leave it in a comment.

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

The Cheese & Burger Society

I recently stumbled upon the website of a group called The Cheese & Burger Society.   They have a really neat website design, and there are many pictures of different styles of cheeseburgers.  And the announcer sounds like Krunk from “The Emperor’s New School” cartoon, which is an awesome voice.

#12 sounds awesome.  And then the announcer says “wanna ride shotgun?”   I sure wouldn’t want to ride in the backseat behind someone who just ate one!

I have to disagree with the name of #19 — The Southern Belle.   That is no authentic southern burger!  What’s with the gruyere cheese, pickles, and cole slaw?!?  An authentic southern burger would have lots of meat, cheese, and bacon, and it would be so greasy that it’s served with wax paper because it will drip grease while you eat it.   If you’re not familiar with this kind of burger, you may think that sounds gross, but you couldn’t be more wrong.   It’s not healthy, but you will not eat a better tasting cheeseburger.

I’m not against mixing exotic flavors, but it seems like most of the burgers in that list try adding flavor by using weird fruit and vegetable combinations, like roasted peppers and glazed apple slices and cole slaw — ugh!  The best way to improve burgers is by adding various meats and cheeses, then things like BBQ sauce and/or chili.

caption contest, truck in a tree

It’s Monday so you’ll get your regularly scheduled caption contest, even though it’s a holiday and I just returned from vacation tonight.  (Yes, that shows my dedication to humor, and no, it does not mean I don’t have a life.)

This week’s caption contest features a picture of a truck in a tree (or in-between two trees).  Either way, it’s in a location it should not be in.  It’s up to you to describe why this happened, or to make a joke about it.  (Actually, if you want to challenge yourself, you could try to explain why the truck should be in the tree.)  Remember that you can look at the situation from various perspectives, such as the truck’s owner, his friends, the trees, the insurance company, or anyone else that you can fit into the story.  Surprise me with your creativity!

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)